Damaged and the Knight (Damaged #2)

When I paused as a loud truck sped by, Judd sighed. “Arby’s sucks though. You know that, right?”


Nodding, I continued, “The picture looked really good and I wanted one of those sandwiches so bad. I would sit on the sidewalk in front of our motel room when our parents wanted to be alone and I would stare at the picture. Farah would read books, but I would look at my junk mail collection and dream of stuff I wanted and that sandwich at Arby’s was the one I wanted most. Then, one day in high school, I started stealing a little bit of my tips that I usually gave to Dad. I saved up, so I could take me and Farah to Arby’s. I was so excited, but like you said, it sucked. The dream was great, but reality let me down.”

“Did you just compare yourself to a shitty fast foot joint?” Judd asked with an amused expression on his handsome face.

Fighting the urge to cry because he mocked me just like I knew he would, I shrugged. “I really liked that picture.”

Judd’s smile faded and he sighed while joining me on the bench.

“I fucked up that day. I had a different plan when we pulled into the driveway then I saw you with your sister and that big house of hers. I saw how you changed with your sister around as if you opened up and blossomed like this amazing flower. I saw all that and I thought about how you could build something really great in this place, but I wasn’t the guy to be around for that. I’m not the guy who does the homemaker shit and I can’t change like Cooper did. So I said what I said.”

“You made me feel like trash.”

Judd’s face pinched and he looked around. “I’m not a good man, Tawny. Even if I wanted to change for a pretty girl, I’m too far gone into the shit that I am.”

“So why are you here?”

“Because I couldn’t stay away. Ditching you was the right thing to do and I should back the fuck off now, but I can’t. You’re in my head and I had to fight every damn day not to make up some fucking excuse to see you. Then, like fate or God or whatever, I see you driving around with Bailey and Farah and it’s like a sign. I had to go to your party and make things happen between us, even if I knew those things are shit for you. I just couldn’t deny myself what I needed.”

Holding myself tighter, I tried not to allow his words to affect me. “I’m sorry, but you hurt me and I’m not strong enough to chance it again.”

“I had to hurt you. I needed you to give up on me and that was only happening if I hurt you.”

“Why couldn’t you say you weren’t ready or it was you that sucked?” I said as my voice broke before I regained control. “Why did you have to make me the piece of shit? I threw my feelings out there for you in the parking lot and you kissed me like I mattered. Then, you walked away like I wasn’t good for anything.”

Judd reached out and caressed my cheek with the back of his hand. “You’re a fucked up chick. You know that, right? You’re all twisted up and damaged, but you’re also good. You look at me like I’m not a bad man you should run from. You look at me like I’m misunderstood. If I told you it was me and not you, babe, you would have chased after me with some fairytale about fixing me.”

“Maybe you’re right, but you’re here. If you’re bad for me and I already feel ugly every time you look at me, why should I want you anymore?”

When Judd stared at me with those sad eyes, I inched away.

“You’re the most beautiful fucking thing I’ve ever seen. You make me feel amazing and like shit every second you look at me. It’s why I need you and also why I pushed you away. As much as I want to protect you from me, I want you more. If I was a good man, I’d leave you alone. Like I said, I’m not a good man.”

We sat there for a while in silence until I saw the bus approaching in the distance. Standing, I sighed. “I’m not ready for you, Judd. I need to get strong and independent. That way, when you hurt me, I won’t feel so low.”

Judd wrapped a stray strand of hair behind my ear. “This is where I should promise I won’t hurt you, but I’d be lying and we’d both know it.”

“So not now, but one day.”

Judd stared at me as his fingers teased my lips. “No.”

“No, never?”

“No, it’s going to be now. I made up my mind the day I saw you out driving around. I decided things were happening and I’m not putting them off. Not for a few days or weeks or whatever. I want you and you want me. We might not be any good for each other, but I’m not walking away.”

“Then, you’re going to be disappointed,” I said as the bus arrived.

“Let me drive you home.”

“No.”

“Fine, but I told Cooper I’d get you home safe, so I’m following you.”