Damaged and the Knight (Damaged #2)

“Why not right fucking now?”


“You kept saying how you were a man and I needed to be a woman. Not even a woman, but a strong woman. I’m not there yet, but one day.”

“I said that to get rid of you.”

“And you did get rid of me and we both know you meant it too.”

“I lie to myself, Tawny. It’s how I survive. I’m sure you lie to yourself too. Hell, you’re probably fucking lying to yourself when you tell me no now. You want this.”

“I’m not fucking you.”

Judd erased the space between us and pressed me against the door. “Don’t you dare make this about fucking,” he whispered in nearly a growl. “Don’t think I would beg over a fuck. I can get laid. This is something else and it’s why I hurt you. I’m not equipped for something else. I’m not a man who knows how to do much more than fucking, but I’m trying here. For you, I’m trying, but I can’t do it alone.”

Staring into his eyes, I saw the pain in his expression. When I said nothing, he continued, “I’d go back and change things if I could, but that just ain’t happening. I was right to walk away and I’m wrong to be here now, but my heart won’t let me leave. I know you want me to ignore it like you’re ignoring yours, but I’ve never given my heart anything it wanted before. I’m giving it this.”

Finally finding my voice, I whispered, “My heart needs to be safe. That’s what it wants and it deserves that after getting hurt so much before.”

Pulling away, I left the SUV and walked through the rain to my apartment. I knew Judd was following. Even with his soft catlike movements and the pouring rain, I heard him behind me. Felt his gaze on me too. Mostly, I sensed he was still working towards his goal.

Unlocking the door, I turned to tell him to leave. Judd was closer than I thought and his hands touched my face gently. Kissing me, he was so careful. As he fought to remain in control, his hands shook as his lips left mine.

Searching my face, he stared at me in the dark wet night. “You still aren’t looking at me like you did that day.”

“Because that day I trusted you and believed in us. I don’t feel that way anymore.”

“Please, Tawny,” he whispered, barely audible over the snap of thunder.

“I’m sorry, but whatever we had that day is gone. Even if I wanted to try again, I can’t forget how you walked away as if I meant nothing. Nothing you say can make you walking away okay. I would have waited for you. Would have given you space. Would have given you anything, but you ditched me like I was shit. My heart can’t forgive you.”

Judd opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He needed me to fix things, but I wasn’t the one who ruined them. I really would have waited. Months, years, whatever he needed because I truly thought he was mine and was worth waiting for. No dates with guys like Ryan. No wavering from my feelings. If he had told me not yet, instead of no, I would have waited forever.

“Goodnight, Judd,” I said, disappearing into the apartment.

Judd said nothing as I shut the door. I waited a few minutes, just dripping on the ugly brown carpet before peeking out the curtains to find him stuck in the same place, staring at where I’d been. A part of me wanted to console him, but I couldn’t handle him hurting me again. No matter how much I tried to protect myself from his power, he weakened my resolve with simply a look.

Leaving the front room, I walked into the bathroom. After my shower, I dressed in a nightgown then found my slippers. Even with the storm raging and the noisy neighbors on both sides, I somehow heard Judd at the door. Just him moving slightly, not even knocking or attempting to draw my attention.

Unwilling to think of him standing in the rain, I still peeked out the curtains to find him sitting on the ground, against the door, soaking wet. How long would he really wait before the rain grew too much? While I shouldn’t open the door, I did a crack.

Judd stood up and stared at me from under his sopping wet bangs. Bracing his hands on either side of the door, he watched me and I watched him. I was waiting, but he said nothing.

“You should go home,” I finally said.