Judd nodded. “Girls like Winnie put up a lot of walls to protect themselves. To get close to a guy, they bring down the walls. Soon bad shit gets in and reminds them of the pain they want to keep out. My guess is Winnie freaked out because her walls couldn’t keep the bullshit out.”
“What happens next?” I asked, waiting for him to kick my ass.
“You be patient. My woman has her issues too. I can’t snap my fingers and make them go away. If you care about Winnie, you be patient and wait until she digs her way out of the crap. Maybe going to her will help. Maybe not. I don’t know Winnie and I’m not a fucking expert about damaged girls. I just know if you bail now, you don’t get a second chance,” Judd said then added, “I’ll make sure of that even if her family doesn’t.”
“Understood. I want to see Winnie and know if there’s anything I can do.”
“I’ll watch the place,” Nick said instantly.
Judd checked his phone. “I’ll call Tad and tell him you’re coming. Vaughn will talk to Harlow. Go before she gets hold of you again. I suspect next time she’s going for the balls.”
Leaving Judd and Nick, I didn’t know what to expect to find when I reached Winnie. Was she lost to me now? I’d seen such a light in her the last week. Stronger and happier, she was forcing her way into the world and keeping the fear from stopping her.
Toni answered the door and stared at me for a bit too long.
“Did Harlow do that to your mouth?” she asked about my swelling lip.
“Yeah. How is Winnie?”
Toni gestured for me to come inside. “I know you didn’t hurt her. Harlow is angry, but I know Winnie and I know she would tell me if you did something. When she came home last night, she was in a really good mood. Smiling and giggling.”
“We moved too quickly,” I said and my voice broke.
Nodding, Toni gestured for me to follow her. “Winnie wants it all now. Young people always do. Love makes people especially stupid.”
Toni paused next to a partially open door. “When I met Tad, he was recently paroled and working as an assistant pastor. I was working as an architect at a big firm and living in a high rise apartment. I always had a taste for bad boys, but most of them were losers. Tad was special and I wouldn’t let him go. My friends figured I was having an early midlife crisis. My parents thought I might be on drugs. No one understood, but I wanted what I wanted and I didn’t want to wait.”
Opening the door to the room, Toni studied the bed where Winnie rested hidden under a comforter.
“It worked out for me, but life’s been harder on Winnie. She wants what she wants, but she doesn’t have control of herself like the rest of us. When she’s awake, the past is hidden. When she dreams though…”
I stared in at the top of Winnie’s head and felt helpless. She trusted me and I’d pushed her too far too fast. Hell, I barely kept my dick in my pants.
“What should I do?”
“You can try talking to her, if you want. She’s medicated, but not really sleeping.”
As I stepped into the room, my every movement felt too loud. Winnie didn’t stir even after I knelt next to her bed.
Her eyes were open, yet unfocused. Her dark hair covered the right half of her face and she held a Cookie Monster doll. Seeing nothing in her eyes, I felt a hopelessness I’d never known before.
Part of me wanted to leave her and never look back. I’d broken someone beautiful and delicate. All those nights I dreamed of having a chance to show her what kind of man I was, yet I’d destroyed her.
“Will you stay?” Toni asked from behind me. “If you need to go to work, you could come back later.”
“Should I really stay? Aren’t I the reason she’s like this?”
“No,” Toni said with a dark expression in her brown eyes. “Her old father is the reason. The Vandals Motorcycle Club caused this too. Not you. Do you want to stay?”
I nodded. “I feel selfish to stay, but I can’t leave.”
“Then don’t,” Toni said, tugging a corner chair closer to the bed. “Watch TV or use your phone or nap. Whatever you need to do to stay busy, but don’t leave. Winnie needs people to show we still care. That she can lose control and we’ll still be there when she comes back from it.”
I didn’t know what Toni saw on my face, but she pulled me into a hug. After a lifetime of cold mother figures, I clung to her and the warmth she offered. After seeing her daughter suffer again, Toni needed comfort too.
Soon, I sat in a chair, flipping channels, and stealing glances at the still dazed Winnie. At one point, Harlow appeared at the door and glared at me. I waited for her to say something, but she walked away instead.