I hugged her tightly and Harlow clung to me. The house felt too quiet and I didn’t want to leave her alone in the living room.
However, Harlow finally let me go and nudged me off the couch. As she cuddled under the blanket and watched crappy TV, I returned to my warm bed where Dylan slept in his perfectly sexy way. I prayed my sister wouldn’t have a nightmare tonight. Just to be safe, I prayed the same for me.
Chapter Twenty ~ Dylan
Waking to find Winnie sitting in bed watching me, I felt like a blessed man. Her dark hair hung loosely around her face, making her look younger. The slight smile on her face warmed my heart and her hand on my chest warmed the rest of me.
“Good morning,” I mumbled, rubbing my face. “Did you sleep well?”
Remaining very still, Winnie nodded. I didn’t know what she was thinking, but I felt nervous under her gaze.
“Did I drool or snore last night?” I asked and she gave me a little smile. Once she shook her head, I added, “Did I fart so much you had to leave the room to keep from passing out?”
Laughing softly, Winnie crawled closer. “You look like a guardian angel when you sleep. Strong and perfect.”
Cuddled in my arms, Winnie smiled at me. Her body held a chill while mine was toasty warm. After a few minutes, she rested her head on my chest and listened to my heart beating.
“Are you always this quiet in the morning?” I asked.
Winnie looked up at me and nodded.
“Good. I like beautiful quiet women.”
Winnie’s smile returned. “I have dreams and they all include you.”
Lifting her chin so her lips met mine, I kissed her gently. Winnie sat up and smiled.
“I have a bad case of morning breath,” I mumbled, smiling at her.
“I’m really messed up, Dylan,” she said, her smile gone.
Before I could respond, she leaned over and opened the dresser drawer next to her bed. Winnie pulled out several bottles of medication and dropped them in her lap.
“I take this pill every day for my panic attacks and mood swings. This one I take when I can’t sleep. This one is for when I freak out like the other night.”
Winnie stopped fiddling with the bottles and held my gaze. “I’ve been in therapy for years. When I came to Ellsberg, I didn’t talk. I cried if someone touched me. There were times when I even wanted to die.”
Winnie sighed. “Between my family and therapy, I got better. The medicine helped too, but I’ll always be messed up. I’m never going to get fixed or grow out of it. Little things set me off. I get scared of stupid stuff and I need a lot of reassurance. Even if you do everything right and life is really easy for me, I’ll still be messed up. I can’t remember most of the bad things that ruined me. They’re not really forgotten though.”
Winnie held my gaze. “I wanted to be with you for a long time and you’re better than I imagined. As much as I hate having people touch me, I crave being close to you. I know you’re special and maybe my only chance to be with a man. I really want us to work, but it’s not fair to lie to you. I can’t pretend the other night was some one in a million freak out. I can’t make you think with enough time and love that I’ll be normal. You need to know what you’re getting into. You deserve the truth even if it makes you stop wanting me.”
The easiest thing would be to tell Winnie none of what she said affected me. Claim I wasn’t scared of upsetting her or seeing her suffer.
Easy refused to be the answer. Winnie showed courage sharing with me about her medications and fear. I could see how shaky she remained. I suspected she feared I’d bullshit her then make a run for the door.
No way was I taking the easy route.
“I used to have a stalker-like crush on Lark,” I announced.
Winnie’s eyes widened, but she didn’t say anything.
“Since I was old enough to get a date, I had a thing for cold bitchy women. Even though I kept picking them, I’d get mad when they’d act like cold bitches. I was basically trying to date my fucking mom who hugged me with one arm because two armed hugs were for lovers.”
After rolling my eyes at my mother’s logic, I quickly continued my story before Winnie decided I was a freak and asked me to leave.
“Lark was gentle with me one fucking time and I decided she was the girl for me. I didn’t care that she saw me as a brother. I didn’t care when she fell for Aaron. I was an asshole and I can’t pretend I had a good reason. I just decided she was mine and that was fucking it.”
Winnie stared at me like I was a stranger. I refused to let her fear stop me from finishing.