Relaxing again, Winnie let her fingers explore my chest then shoulders. Her lips tasted my throat as her soft hair spilled over my shoulder. The feel of her was better than I could have imagined and I never wanted to let her go.
Brushing off the robe, I tightened my embrace. Winnie’s lips found mine. She wanted more and I sensed no fear in her. In a smooth gesture, I picked up Winnie and swung around to rest her on the couch.
My teeth tugged at the thin strap of her bikini top then licked at her soft skin. She tasted so good and I wanted more. My hand slid over her full breasts, eliciting a moan from Winnie. The sound of her voice sent me over the edge and I lost control.
Tugging back her bikini top, I sucked at her hard pink nipple. Winnie moaned again, encouraging me. My body begged me to take her to bed. I wasn’t the only one hungry for more. Winnie’s legs spread when my fingers caressed the fabric of her bikini bottom.
Despite the pain of denying our desires, I forced myself to stop. Yet my brain screamed lies. Stopping was a mistake. She was as aroused as I was. I should wrap Winnie in my arms and take her to bed. I’d love her enough to make her forget all of the bad things from her past.
My heart or the actual smart part of my brain told me to back the fuck off. I let her go for a moment and really looked at her. Past her arousal, Winnie was lost in her head. I’d come so close to ruining what I was building with Winnie. Even worse, I’d nearly hurt an already damaged girl.
Trust.
Winnie really couldn’t say no. When Tad warned me about Winnie’s problem, I hadn’t understood what he meant. Now I could see it in her blank expression. I wanted her and she wanted me to be happy. I doubted Winnie knew what she truly wanted, so she shut down.
After helping her into the robe, I held Winnie in my arms. She wasn’t upset like many girls might be if a guy stopped in the middle of a heavy make out session. Winnie didn’t know enough about sex to feel rejected. When I wanted her, she gave herself to me. When I wanted to stop, she adjusted to this reality. She felt no power in the situation.
“You’re a seductress,” I teased while ignoring my erection.
“I love when you touch me.”
Smiling at her flushed face, I wished I knew what Winnie needed. Most girls sent signals about how far was too far. My girl gave until it was too much then she hid in her head until it was over.
Patience might be a pain in the ass, but it was my only option if I wanted to keep Winnie.
Chapter Seventeen ~ Winnie
Returning home from my date with Dylan, I didn’t even want a shower. I enjoyed an hour of TV with Harlow and a sleepy Jace. When we headed to bed, I glanced at Cookie Monster. I felt too happy for my security blanket. Hell, I even fell asleep with a smile on my face.
My dream was vivid in a way my dreams never were and I remembered things I’d long forgotten.
Sugar Bum’s sweaty body felt so heavy on top of me. His grunts echoing in my head, I couldn’t escape the reality of him inside me. When he licked me with his dirty tongue, I closed my eyes and wished I was dead.
“Oh, Ona,” he moaned, finishing with hard thrusts.
I said nothing. I never spoke anymore. Sugar Bum didn’t care. The only thing he wanted me to say was “daddy,” but I wouldn’t do it. When he was inside me, I shut down until I could barely remember my name.
After he was done, he yanked me out of bed by my hair and dragged me to the door. Outside waited more men from the club. Like wolves hungry for a fresh kill, they eyed me as Sugar Bum shoved me onto the parking lot.
“I’m done,” he said, yawning. “Who’s next?”
The sound of his slamming door was like a starter’s pistol as Sugar Bum left me to be fought over by the others. I covered my head while the men bashed into each other around me. The fight lasted until the winner was so bloodied and enraged that my body took the punishment remaining from his adrenaline rush. The losers were as violent when they got their turns. Eventually, I felt nothing at all. I often prayed to die, so I’d never feel anything again.
Waking to someone shaking me, I realized I was screaming. Much like I couldn’t find my voice in the past, I now couldn’t turn it off. Mom consoled me while Dad was on the phone with someone. I also saw Harlow and Jace staring at me from the doorway.
These people weren’t real, not like the dream had been. This house and my life in Ellsberg were a fantasy. Only the hell with Sugar Bum was real and I was drowning in the memories.
Mom hugged me and spoke in soft tones, but I understood nothing over my screaming. Dad left the room then returned with the emergency medication prescribed by Doctor Koryluk. I stared at him, unable to stop screaming. While Mom held my wrists to keep me from clawing at my face, Dad fumbled with the medicine bottle. All I heard was my screaming and the cussing of men fighting to fuck me next.
“Shut up, Winona!” Dad yelled, startling me.
He stood bigger than usual and his face was ugly like the monsters I feared.
“Take this pill!” he demanded.