Leaving man and dog to bond, I walk a few blocks over to pick up chicken and rice for dinner. I want to make something Mom used to cook for us on weekends. My heart hurts today, and I miss her more than I have since Lula was born.
Ford isn't outside when I return to his house. Based on the time, Shay is likely picking up her brothers from school. I walk the rest of the way home while thinking about the upcoming holidays.
The scent of frying onions and chicken stirs Pax, but he doesn't wake until I have the rice on the stove. His expression when he sits up is like a kid late for school. I hide my smile as he shakes off the sleep.
"You're home," Pax says because he wants to say something.
"Folgers is at Ford's."
"Why?"
"He said he missed his favorite Reed boy, and I refuse to argue with a dog."
Still half asleep, Pax frowns. "What?"
"I walked to the store and dropped him off with Ford. I think your brother misses the dog."
"Good. I like when he suffers."
"No, you don't."
Pax leans against the counter and studies me. "No, I guess I don't. Watcha making?"
"A casserole my mom made us. It'll be done soon."
Pax leans over to see what I've cooked. Then his gaze studies my face. He's standing too close, and I can barely breathe.
He opens his mouth to speak but changes his mind. His fingers caress my cheeks, wrapping loose hair behind my ear. I stare into his eyes and wish he would kiss me even if I really don't want him to kiss me. I'm all fucked up inside. I both crave and hate him right now.
Lula plays the perfect diversion when she comes shuffling out of her room. She makes a beeline for the bathroom. Stepping away from Pax, I order my brain to take control.
"When did you eat?" I ask.
"We went through the drive-thru at eleven and had her in bed by twelve. Just like her pretty mommy wanted."
Nodding curtly, I fight to be indifferent. I'm succeeding too, until my damn pussy spasms once he leans over and kisses the top of my head.
"Mom!" Lula cries, hurrying out of the bathroom while still tugging at her sweatpants. "We went to McDonald's."
"I saw that. Did you get chicken nuggets?"
Lula smiles up at me like she's won the damn lottery. I love her smile and return it despite my moodiness.
"Can I help?" she asks, looking at the food.
Pax pulls a chair over, and she carefully climbs up. I help her stir the chicken and chopped onions.
"I want to be Tallulah," she announces while stirring the barely simmering water for the rice.
"Why?" I ask.
When Pax backs off a little, I wonder if he's convinced my baby that her name sucks. He's never kept it a secret how much he hates Lula.
"We practice the letters on my wall. I have a lot of them in my name, and I want to use them."
"Okay, baby," I say, flashing a dirty look at Pax, who shrugs.
"You named her Tallulah," he reminds me.
"Yeah."
Pax tugs at Lula's ear. "Maybe Mom should go by Babette?"
"No, I'm good," I say before my daughter can answer. "My mom didn't like the name Babette. She named me that to make her mom happy. She always called me Bebe, and I want to be Bebe. Thanks though."
Pax narrows his eyes. "Are you challenging me?"
I frown darkly before realizing he's fucking with me. "I know you're dealing with a lot of emotions lately. Loneliness, rejection, loneliness. I don't want to do anything to make you cry."
Lula looks at Pax and pats his chest. "Don't be sad."
I laugh at Pax's expression. As much as he wants to fuck with me, Lula is worried about him now. Her gaze is on Pax while I flip him off.
"Nice," he grumbles. "Dinner smells good."
"Thanks. Once the rice is done, I mix it with the meat and onions then add cheese and put it in the oven. The cheese melts then we eat. My mom made it for us a lot, but she used peppers too."
"I don't like peppers."
"You eat them on your pizza."
"Ford's idea."
"He doesn't live here, so why not order what you like?"
"I'm set in my ways."
"Oh, to be elderly."
Holding my gaze, Pax strips me bare with his eyes. My breasts feel heavy, and my nipples reach out to him like two betraying bitches.
I pry my focus from his hypnotic blue eyes long enough to add the instant rice to the now boiling water. Lula watches me intently, wanting to learn. She's so happy right now, and I pray she'll always smile so much.
When I look up, I catch Pax watching Lula too. He's scared by his love for her. Ford is older and strong. Loving him isn't so terrifying, but Lula is so fragile.
Once the casserole is in the oven, we prepare the table for a family dinner. Pax carries Lula around, turning her into an airplane whenever she needs something closer to the ground. I watch them play and feel worse about my situation. At his best, Pax is fucking perfect. At his worst, Pax terrifies me.
"You're my John Travolta," I say when we sit down for dinner.
"Who?"
"From that movie with the talking baby. The guy is really good with the kid, and the mom falls for him even though they make no sense together."
"I don't watch talking baby movies. I also don't watch movies where one character dies and the rest cry a lot. You should keep that in mind when you pick our next movie."