Lula cuddles in bed, watching her little white tree flashing pink lights. Pax gave her this room and the tree. He made her feel special, and she can't understand why he hates her now. I don't know how to explain his anger except to say he was really just mad at me.
While she watches her movie, I return to the living room where Shay waits.
"You love him."
"Yeah, so?" I say, walking past her and downstairs to the laundry room.
I glance at Pax's bedroom, where we spent hours fucking. Our time together was just about sex, and I was an idiot to think it meant more.
"How can you live here, if he starts seeing other chicks?" Shay asks, and I sense she's voicing the questions the other women were thinking.
Taking out a load of laundry from the dryer, I begin folding it on the small counter in the little room. "This is Lula's home. She loves it here, and I won't take that from her. Even if I have to listen to him fuck other women, I won't leave."
Shay takes a towel and helps me fold. "I couldn't see Ford with another woman."
"Not even for your brothers?"
Shay shakes her head. "I'd freak the fuck out if I saw him with a girl. Months ago, I said if he cheated, I'd destroy his Harley. I would too. I'd go apeshit crazy."
My heart aches and my stomach burns at the thought of him kissing another woman, let alone fucking her. I can still feel him inside me, and my breasts are covered in hickeys. He still feels like mine, but he's not. Now Pax can do whatever he wants with any girl he wants.
Shay and I stop folding and stare at each other. For the first time, I admit how cornered I feel.
"I don't know how I'll handle him bringing a girl home, but I can't leave. Pax offered us a home, and I believed in the entire fantasy. I convinced myself he was in love with me and I was special. I convinced myself he would marry me and be a father to Lula. I had all these stupid F U C K I N G fantasies, but they're lies. I hate myself for believing in them. I can't leave though. Even if I can't have the full fantasy, I can give my baby her princess room and a chance to go to decent schools. Pax can break my heart, but I won't let him break hers."
Shay hugs me against her and says nothing. There really isn't anything to say. We imagined ourselves becoming sisters. More than once we talked about being aunties to each other's kids. The fantasy was real for us both, but Pax cracked under the pressure. He took the easy way out, but I refuse to do the same.
27
Pax
Repulsion
Suede's parking lot is full of people who can't get inside. They party in the cold, wanting to be tough by proximity. I walk past the dipshits and swing my bat at one guy's head. He ducks and spills his beer. Ford laughs behind me, but I can't even crack a smile.
Inside, I scan the faces before finding Maggie. She's serving Breaker, who is talking to her tits. She looks scrawny to me tonight. Like her head and boobs are too big for the rest of her. I consider hooking up with someone else, but the new girl's skin reminds me of a rotten peach. When did these chicks get so ugly?
When I snap at Maggie, she struts over immediately. I know she likes me, but I think she's just happy to be away from Breaker.
"Is your girlfriend going to threaten to slap me again?" she asks.
"My dick is hard. Let's go to the storage closet."
"You always were a charmer," she mutters before giving Ford a dirty look.
My brother walks to the bar and orders a beer. When I pass by him, he tells me good luck. I hate him for being happy. Why should he be happy when I'm not? All our lives, we've been the same. Now he's grinning like a fucking psycho doll, and I'm about to rip off my skin.
Inside the storage room, Maggie unbuttons the top of her black shirt.
"Be sure to tell the manager that this doesn't count as my break," she says, shaking her hair loose.
I grunt. "It shouldn't take long. Hard and fast."
Except my dick isn't hard. I'm too tense to realize this fact until I consider pulling it out.
Maggie reaches for me. "Settle down, big guy."
"Don't," I say, smacking away her hand. "You smell weird. Did you puke recently?"
Maggie steps back and gives me her pissed bitch look. "We're in a storage closet. It always smells like shit. What's your problem?"
"I don't know. Am I usually drunker when I fuck you?"
"You're starting to piss me off, Paxton Reed."
Scratching hard at the back of my neck, I draw blood. "Why did you say my whole name like that? You're making me think of my teachers. That's not hot."
Sighing, Maggie ignores my question. Her manicured fingers reach for my arms, but I dodge her.
"If you don't want to fuck, can I go back to work?"
I run my hands through my hair then tug at it in frustration. My body has no interest in fucking Maggie. If I do it though, I can accept Bebe and I are over. Maggie offers me an exit from the delusion I've created about playing the family man. All I need to do is touch her. Except she smells weird. She looks weird too. Grossed out, I really don't want to touch her.
"Were your eyes always so close together?" I ask, squinting at her.