"Shut the fuck up with your childish bullshit, you stupid fucking loser! If you don't want me anymore, so fucking what? If you're bored of my pussy, go fuck someone else. If you want to ignore me, see if I give a shit. Do whatever the fuck you want to me, but you will not break your promise to Lula. This is her fucking house, and she is not leaving. If you can't stand the sight of me, rip out your eyes or move the fuck out."
Pausing to catch my breath, I slap him when he looks ready to speak. "Oh, and don't you dare pretend your childish bullshit is because of that little girl. Your problems are with me, but you're too much of a little fucking coward to admit it. Stupid fuck."
I stop slapping him and wait for him to hit me back. My mind is already planning my response to any violence. If he lays a hand on me, I'll grab a nearby chair and hit him.
Pax's cheek is red where I slapped him, but otherwise he looks fine. I should have hit him harder.
"What happened to your spelling?" he asks, giving me a dirty look.
"We're not moving out."
"Fine."
"If you fucking scream at my daughter again, I'm telling Darby, and she'll tell Joker, and he'll kick your ass. He might need help to do it, but he'll get it done."
"Whatever you say, bitch," Pax mutters.
"You can't hurt me," I say, even though I'm crying. "The man I cared about doesn't scream at little kids or act like a fucking psycho. You're not him, and I don't give a S H I T what you think. I cared about a lie not the loser standing in front of me."
"You done?"
I wipe my face and look around. Folgers is staring at me. The poor dog is edgy about his people freaking out. This morning started quiet, and now everything's gone to crap, and he doesn't know what the hell happened. I know how he feels.
"I'm going to Lula's room and calm her down. You better talk to someone who thinks your B U L L S H I T is cute."
Turning around to leave, I hear Pax mutter under his breath, "I can think of a few chicks who love my bullshit. My cock too."
"Go then."
Pax stomps downstairs and slams the door. I return to Lula's room where she's hiccup-crying. Joining her on the bed, I caress her head while she leans into me. The TV is on, but our minds aren't on the Little Mermaid. The man we love just trampled on our hearts. Life feels unbearably hard now, and no Disney movie will fix the pain.
Needing reinforcements, I text Shay then Darby. I don't know what to say except Pax sucks. They both reply with declarations of girl power and the promise to be over in a few minutes.
I tell myself I don't need to cry. I have friends, a healthy little girl, and a home, despite what Pax just pulled. I even try telling myself Pax isn't the jerk I slapped. The man I love got scared and lost himself. I even hope he'll find his way back. Despite my happy thoughts, my mood worsens, and I'm soon hiccup-crying too.
25
Pax
Steaming Pile of Turds
Ford is leaving his house when I speed by on my Harley. So pissed I can't think straight, I don't even slow down or signal him. My cheek burns from Bebe's hand. She didn't hit me hard, but likely as hard as she could. I hate her right then. I hate the kid too. I hate the whole fucking world.
Arriving at the batting cages, I stalk past the stupid teenagers jumping around in one cage. They're always hanging around here, and I want to pound their faces into the ground.
I set the pitching machine then begin swinging. The teenagers are still laughing, and I think about scaring them. Ford beats me to it by banging on the cage when he passes by. They get quiet on cue.
Ford enters my cage, and I wait for him to speak. Once he opens his mouth, I swing my bat.
My brother doesn't even flinch as the bat slams into the fence next to his head. The best I get from him is a sigh as I swing again and again. The bat misses him, just like he knows it will.
"You feel better?" he asks when I stop swinging.
"This is your fault. I'd blame Shay, but you're the one who should fucking know better."
"I'm assuming you fucked up something with your little family. Want to explain how the hell that's my fault?"
"Things were good before Shay showed up. We were hanging out and having fun and things were perfect."
"They were easy," Ford says, leaving the cage and walking to the picnic tables. He sits on top of one then continues, "Nothing mattered. Dying wasn't such a scary thing when we had nothing to lose."
"We had each other."
"Don't make this about us. You're fucked because you had a shitty mom and no dad. We both got fucked, but you got fucked harder."
I throw the bat at him, but he catches it easily. Asshole.
"How bad did you fuck up?" he asks.
Sitting on the table, I mutter, "I want them out of the house, but Bebe won't leave."
"Why should she? You ordered her to live there. You gave the kid a room and told her to think of the place as home. Just because you realize you don't like playing family man, why should they leave?"
"Then I'll leave."
Ford shoves me half off the table then sighs. "What's the problem exactly?"
"What do you think?"
"You've had a thing for Bebe since that first night. Now you realize you were obsessed with an idea and the real shit ain't doing it for you."
"That's not fucking it."
"Yeah, I think it fucking is."
"Well you're a fucking idiot then, aren't you, fucker?" I growl.