As soon as Sarah left, I called Emma and let her know that she was gone…again. She didn’t ask any questions and I didn’t provide any answers. I just needed to know that Sarah was safe. She can hate me all she wants, but I love her. That will never change. Deep down, I don’t believe for a single second that things are over for me and Sarah, but that doesn’t make the hole she left behind any less unbearable.
I’m terrified of how I’m going to manage to be a full-time father. I don’t know the first thing about kids. Much less how to deal with one after something as traumatic as losing her mother. I can’t imagine what she has been through for the last week, and that alone has managed to snap me out of my usual doom-and-gloom spiral. For once since my life changed, I feel like I’m actually doing the right thing. No matter how much it scares me.
After packing a small bag, I try to call Sarah one last time. She’s been gone for just over five hours and I ache for her already. I didn’t lie to her when I proposed. We’re better together. Alone, the what-ifs become overwhelming and tomorrows seem impossible, but with one embrace, she makes even the most difficult parts of life seem manageable. While I don’t want her to fix this for me, I’d give anything to just have her at my side while I navigate the winding path to right the wrong.
I head for the shower with only the visions of blue eyes and blond hair preventing me from breaking down completely. As I stand in front of the mirror, I take a hard look at the same man I saw this morning, but for some reason, I now no longer recognize him. Let’s just hope that’s a good thing.
Tomorrow’s a big day, and I’m completely exhausted. I wrap a towel around my waist and head into my room with big plans for a date with the backs of my eyelids. I don’t make it two steps into the room before I’m suddenly very awake.
Sitting in the dark on the edge of my bed is the most beautiful sight I have ever seen. Her cheeks are tear stained, but her shoulders are squared and confident.
"ángel," I breathe.
"You let me down, Leo. You took the trust that I gave you and made me regret it once again."
"I know. I—" I start, but she quickly interrupts me.
"Shut up. Let me talk."
I take a step closer, desperate to feel the comfort only Sarah can give me, but I stop when she lifts a hand.
"And don’t even think about touching me."
"Okay." I grab the back of my neck to still my hands, which obviously did not understand her words.
"I’m pissed. And hurt—so fucking hurt. I hate that you didn’t trust me enough to open up to me about something as big as a child. But I get it. You’re right. I would have tried to make you reach out to her. So, for that, I’m sorry."
"Sarah, please don’t—"
"Shut. Up." She silences me again. "It’s who I am and I know it’s overbearing and probably annoying as hell. That’s me and I’m sorry to say it, Leo, but I’m probably always going to be like that."
"I don’t want you to be anyone else," I whisper, taking another step forward.
She stands up and backs away to maintain the distance between us. "After the accident, I used to cry myself to sleep, wishing someone could fix me. I actually used to dream about this hero rushing in to save me and magically making all the static in my mind silent." She laughs to herself. "But no matter how much everyone around me tried, that person never came. Finally, I was forced to fix myself, and it fucking sucked. It was grueling, and it took so much goddamn blood, sweat, and tears to get me where I am today. So when I see you struggle, it breaks me all over again. It transports me back to how hopeless I used to feel. I have this ingrained need to make things easier for you because, in turn, it heals me as well.
"You have told me a million times that I saved you, but I disagree. With one simple, ‘Hi. I’m Leo James,’ you rescued me. You shattered my force field and magically began repairing parts of me I didn’t even know were broken."
"Please let me touch you," I beg as her words pierce through me.
"Not yet," she answers simply.
It’s only the fact that she said yet that keeps me rooted in place.
"Leo, you showed me that crazy is the new normal and that it shouldn’t hurt to breathe. With one stroke of your fingers across my neck, you make the entire crazy world disappear. That savior I dreamed about may not have looked like you, but I have absolutely no doubt that it was always you. And I think the part I still can’t get over is that I never in a million years could have imagined being able to help you too."
Tears begin to slide down her cheeks, and every drop of moisture is like a knife to my gut.
"So, back to my point. I’m pissed. Like, fucking pissed, but I have a sneaking suspicion that, if the tables were turned, you wouldn’t have batted an eye at my omission. You would have brushed it off, pulled me into your chest, and figured out a way to take on the whole goddamn world if that’s what I needed. So here I am."
"Sarah," I breathe as emotions spring to my eyes.
"I have some terms though."