She quickly looks away, embarrassed by his compliment.
"So, you ladies will never believe where I’ve been. Did you know that there is a machine filled with candy here?" he says exaggeratedly, and my heart melts as her head snaps up to his. "You have to use quarters, but luckily, I met a nice lady who made change for me." He tosses me a wink.
I let out a relived breath. Yeah, he packed it down all right.
"Well, I decided I should bring you some candy to try to get us off on the right foot. I mean. Everyone loves candy, right?"
Liv excitedly nods.
"Then it occurred to me that I don’t know you so well. I had no idea which kind of candy would be your favorite." He leans over the table, puts his hand up, blocking his mouth from my view, and whispers, "So I got them all." Then he flips the bag over, dumping at least twenty candy bars onto the table.
I let out a loud laugh as her eyes go wide at the sugar coma waiting to happen before her.
"Liv, I’m sorry I was so weird earlier. I was just a little nervous. My name is Leo James and I’m your dad. I know I haven’t been around much, but I’m here from now on. Forever. Okay?" He leans forward to catch her eye.
"Okay." She answers, reaching for the candy.
"Oh, and there are some crackers in there too just in case you don’t have a sweet tooth." He reaches out and snags his own chocolate bar off the table.
"All right, you two. How about, before we dig into this mountain of candy, we grab some lunch. Everything settled?" I ask Leo.
"Yep." He barely tears his gaze away from Liv long enough to answer me.
As I gather my purse and makeup, from the corner of my eye, I see Leo sneakily slide a candy bar across to her before packing the rest back in the bag. She even giggles as she tucks it inside the backpack that’s beside her on the floor.
Just as we get to the door, Liv quickly moves to my side farthest from Leo and grabs my hand. She gives me a wary glance that makes my heart drop. I squeeze her hand reassuringly and her small body seems to relax. Leo watches our interaction and kisses my temple with gratitude. Although I’m not sure why he’s thanking me. I’m loving every second of this.
"THEY’RE ALL dirty," Sarah whispers as we get back to the hotel.
"What do you mean dirty?" I ask for clarification as my head starts to pound.
"Calm down." She pushes me into the bathroom and eases the door behind us.
Lunch was fantastic and entirely too short. I guess Liv hasn’t been sleeping very much recently. I have no idea if five-year-olds still take naps, but it was clear that she was in need of one as her eyelids drooped while we sat at the kid-friendly restaurant Sarah had picked out. As soon as we got back to the hotel, Sarah put on some cartoons, and within minutes, Liv was out.
Sarah started going through the two small bags that consisted of all of Liv’s belongings. The social worker had warned me that the Avilas sent very little with Liv when they’d dropped her off. I hadn’t exactly expected to need a moving van for a five-year-old or anything, but with the exception of one doll and two books, there wasn’t even a toy in sight. Her entire life didn’t even amount to a full suitcase.
Among those belongings wasn’t a single picture of her mother. I have a few pictures of Amy from years ago tucked away somewhere, I’m sure, but I’d be hard-pressed to find them. Thankfully, after an uncomfortable phone call to Max, he agreed to e-mail me everything he still had. He didn’t say much during our brief conversation, but before he hung up, he left his parting words.
"Things had gotten really bad, Leo. I’m just glad she’s with you now."
And as Sarah stands in front of me telling me how half of her clothes won’t fit and the other half are tattered or stained, I can’t help but agree with him.
"What the fuck!" I boom and it echoes in the small bathroom.
"Hush," she urges. "You’re going to wake her up."
"Do you have any idea how much fucking money I’ve been sending Amy?"
She shakes her head.
"I’ve sent her at least four thousand dollars a month in child support for the last year. The minute I got my first big contract after starting Guardian, I sent her a lump some of twenty grand to make up for everything I didn’t send while I was in the program. For fuck’s sake, I didn’t even pay Johnson that first month because I sent it all to her."
"Jesus," she mumbles.
"And now my child doesn’t even have clothes that fit? I’ll admit that I’m a piece of shit for not visiting her, but I at least went out of my way to make sure she would never be without the way Amy and I were growing up. Goddamn it!" I roar. "She couldn’t even buy her clothes? Where the fuck did all that money go?" I run a rough hand through my hair.
"I’m going to guess drugs," Sarah whispers, wrapping her arms around my waist.
"Awesome. Now I get to live with the guilt that I killed her."