"Too much?" I ask roughly. "You wanted the truth right? Well, there it is." I suck in a breath and try to calm down. She doesn’t deserve this. I push my hands in my hair as the entire day becomes just too much for me to take. "I love you. I’m just so overwhelmed right now. Yes, I hate that you try to fix everything for me, but I’m not sure I could do it without you."
"Maybe you should have thought about that before you decided to keep all of this from me." She heads for the door and my eyes go wide.
"Stop. Just wait. Please. Stop!" I shout as loud as my jagged voice will allow. "I can’t do this now. I can’t keep up. I have to figure out everything with Liv right now, and I can’t process all of this at once. I’m sorry. Just…please." I panic.
"I’m sorry, too." She snatches her purse off the table and walks out the door.
I silently stare at the door for a few minutes, completely lost on how to even begin processing the last hour. Sarah’s gone, Amy’s dead, and Liv is alone. Oh God.
I end up on my couch, though how I got here will forever remain a mystery. It’s still light outside, so I know it hasn’t been hours, but the Earth might as well have done a full rotation for the way I feel. I’m lost. My life barely even resembles what it was when I woke up this morning, but lying here won’t change anything. I need Sarah in order to breathe, but right now, I can’t be selfish enough to worry about the ache in my lungs. There’s a little girl who’s never even seen my face and needs me most of all right now.
I stand on shaky legs and head for the office. When I push open the door, I find Johnson sitting behind the desk.
"You back so soon?" He cocks an eyebrow.
"I need to make some phone calls, but most of all, I need a flight to Texas."
FOR THE first three hours after leaving Leo, I drove around aimlessly. I was in no hurry and had no real direction to follow. My phone buzzed on the seat beside me numerous times. First, it lit up with Leo’s name, then Emma’s, then Casey’s. I ended them all. Instead of talking, I drove to see the one person who I knew wouldn’t ask me any questions.
"I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing." I admit into the cold night air. "Fuck!" I yell, dropping my knees into the grass. "You’re laughing, aren’t you?" I ask the granite that expectedly remains silent. "Damn it, I miss you Regina Phalange." I trace my fingers over the indentations of Manda’s name on her headstone, tucking my knees to my chest under my jacket.
"That can’t be comfortable," Caleb says, walking up and scaring the shit out of me.
"Fuck!" I scream, toppling over when my legs get stuck.
"Chill. It’s just me." He puts his hands up in surrender.
"Shit, you scared me. Jesus. Don’t sneak up on people in a cemetery in the middle of the night."
"Perhaps you shouldn’t come to a cemetery in the middle of the night, then. It’s not safe."
"Yeah, well. I didn’t have anywhere else to go."
"So I heard. Leo called," he informs me, sitting down on the cold ground next to me.
I scoot over to add a little more space between us. "Did you draw the short straw?"
"Collin’s sick. Emma was worried about leaving him."
I immediately become worried. "Is he okay?"
"He’s fine. The doctor said it’s an ear infection, but he’s running a nice little fever."
"Poor guy," I respond before turning back to face Manda’s headstone.
"Come back to our place for the night. Emma’s way better at this talking shit than I am." He tosses me apologetic smile.
"No, I think I’m just going to a hotel or something. I can’t deal with her tonight. She’ll just lay it all out and make it rational. Maybe I’ll call that Kara chick. She seems like she’d be good guy-bashing company." I laugh without humor.
"I can’t let you go to hotel. Your sister will hang me by my balls."
"Well, apologize to your balls for me, because there is no way I’m talking with Emma tonight."
"Okay, fine. Talk to me, then." He lies down on his back and crosses his legs at the ankle.
I laugh at the idea of having a heart-to-heart with Caleb Jones, but he’s probably going to do the least amount of preaching of anyone else.
"Come on. I can’t go home and leave you here, so start talking and let’s see what bullshit we can figure out."
I sigh. "What’d Leo tell you?"
"Just that you took off and he was worried."
"He has a kid," I say bluntly, and it burns coming off my tongue.
"Okay? I’m assuming you are just finding out about this?"
"Yeah. She’s five. He’s never seen her. But her mom just passed away and Leo’s on deck." I shrug at how simplistic yet sad my explanation sounds.
"Shit," he breathes.
"Pretty much," I say, chewing the inside of my lip.
"So you guys going to take her?"
"There’s no you guys anymore. I basically told him to go to hell."
"Jesus, Sarah. Since when do you have something against kids?"
"Since my fiancé has one with another woman," I answer matter-of-factly.
"Ah, so you’re jealous." He points out the obvious, and I can’t say that he’s wrong.