Where the Memories Lie

 

Nadia let out a shuddering sob. Lucas kissed the top of her head.

 

I wiped away my tears with the back of my hand. ‘But he was dying, anyway. Either another heart attack would’ve got him or the Alzheimer’s would’ve given him a slow death. As painful as this is, I think it was better for him.’ But what about for us? I wanted to say.

 

What was best for us now? How could Tom do this to us all and then just jump off the cliff ?

 

174

 

Where the Memories Lie ‘This is your fault!’ Nadia suddenly sat up straight, pointing an accusing finger at me, her eyes wide, eyelashes clumped together with damp, salty tears. ‘If you hadn’t said anything, none of this would’ve happened and Dad would still be here.’

 

A ball of guilt exploded in my chest at the force of her words.

 

‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I never meant for this to happen. Any of it.

 

Maybe I should’ve kept quiet. I just—’

 

‘Yes, maybe you should have,’ Nadia hissed.

 

‘How could she have kept quiet about it, love?’ Lucas stroked Nadia’s shoulder. ‘Olivia couldn’t have kept it a secret. It’s not fair to give her the responsibility of all this.’

 

Once again we were lost in our own silent thoughts. The only sounds permeating the room were sniffs and sobs and the ticking of the kitchen clock that seemed to reverberate right through me.

 

‘We’ve got to tell Charlotte,’ Nadia suddenly muttered, smooth-ing away the hair from her damp cheeks. She gripped Lucas’s hand.

 

‘I don’t want to tell her. I don’t want to get her upset.’

 

‘Darling, we have to say something. This isn’t something we can hide.’ Lucas’s eyebrows furrowed together.

 

‘But that means it’ll be the end of it now, won’t it?’ Nadia tried to give a brave smile but it wavered on her face. ‘Dad confessed and now he’s . . . he’s gone, so maybe we can keep a lid on this. There won’t be a police investigation and . . .’ She looked around the room wildly. ‘. . . and maybe we won’t have to even tell the girls. We can just say there was an accident and Dad fell off the cliffs.’

 

‘People are going to talk, though,’ I said. ‘We can’t avoid this forever. The police have to tell Rose about what happened to Katie, and it will get out like that. It will be in the papers. Maybe even on the TV.’

 

‘Oh, no,’ Nadia groaned.

 

Chris downed more whisky, seemingly oblivious to the discus-sion going on around him.

 

175

 

Sibel Hodge

 

‘Poor Ethan, witnessing that,’ I said. ‘He told me Tom was angry and that he walked off to give him a bit of space to calm down, but then he looked at Ethan and just stepped over the cliff.

 

The police arrived when we were on the phone so he couldn’t tell me any more.’

 

‘Shall I go up there?’ Lucas suggested. ‘He might need a bit of moral support.’

 

‘By the time you get there, they’ll probably be sending him home,’ I said.

 

‘Do you think Tom knew what he was doing?’ Lucas asked.

 

Chris pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. When he released them again, his eyes glistened with sadness and something else. Anger. He reached for the bottle and poured another couple of inches into his empty glass. He missed the edge and some of it spilled onto the table. ‘Yes.’ He sneered. ‘I think he knew exactly what he was doing. Why would take his own life otherwise? He killed Katie and he couldn’t stand the guilt anymore. I didn’t want to believe Dad could do something like that, but now I do. He killed her all right. Why else would he jump off a cliff ?’

 

‘How can you say that?’ Nadia shrieked at him.

 

I put a hand on Chris’s shoulder but he shook it away.

 

Lucas gripped Nadia’s hand. ‘I know you want to protect him, darling, but—’

 

‘Don’t, OK?’ She jerked her hand out of his grasp. ‘Just don’t.’