Where the Memories Lie

 

Nadia wiped her eyes. She blew her nose forcefully with a tissue from her bag and thrust it in her trouser pocket. Then she squared her shoulders and stood up. ‘I’ll come with you. We’ll bring them back here and then we can all tell them together,’ she said firmly, back in control.

 

‘Shall I come with you?’ Lucas said.

 

176

 

Where the Memories Lie Nadia waved him off. ‘No, I can manage.’

 

Nadia and I walked up the road in silence and waited at the bus stop. The same bus stop where Chris was sitting when he saw Katie walk past, heading towards her death. What if she’d stopped and spoken to him that day? What if they’d chatted and Chris hadn’t gotten on the bus, and she hadn’t walked towards the barn? Would she still be alive now? If she was five or ten minutes later going down the road, would that have made a difference? Would Tom still have killed her and buried her body?

 

An uncontrollable shudder shook me. I rubbed my arms and shifted from foot to foot in the silence. There were no words to say.

 

Nothing seemed good enough for the events that had unfolded and shattered our family like an atomic bomb mushrooming through our lives. No words would make sense of it. I could feel Nadia’s anger towards me coming off her in waves. She blamed me for all of this, just like Ethan did.

 

When the school bus arrived Anna and Charlotte were the last off, chatting excitedly about some boy at school called Howie whom Charlotte fancied.

 

‘Mum!’ Anna grinned, full of energy. ‘What are you doing here?’

 

Charlotte said goodbye to one of her friends before turning to Nadia and frowning in annoyance. ‘We don’t need a chaperone.’

 

Then she turned to me and grinned brightly. ‘Hi, Aunty Olivia.’

 

Teenagers. They can blow hot and cold in the blink of an eye.

 

Charlotte started walking off in the direction of her house.

 

‘Wait! We all need to go to the barn,’ I called out after her.

 

‘What? But it’s the last day of term. I said I’d meet some friends later since we don’t have any school now. We’ve arranged to go bowling.’

 

177

 

Sibel Hodge

 

‘No. We’re going to Olivia and Ethan’s,’ Nadia said, her voice croaky.

 

‘Are you all right?’ Anna said to me. ‘Have you been crying?’

 

‘But Mum!’ Charlotte whined. ‘I promised them.’

 

‘We’ve got some news we need to talk about, I’m afraid.’ I took Anna’s hand in mine and held the other out to Charlotte. ‘Come on.

 

You’ve got the whole summer holiday to see your friends. This is important.’

 

Charlotte sighed and walked back towards us. Or rather, stalked.

 

‘It’s Granddad, isn’t it?’ Anna gave me a worried sideways glance as we made our way up the road. ‘He’s had another heart attack, hasn’t he?’ Her eyes welled up with tears.

 

I slid my arm around her shoulder. ‘Let’s wait till we get home.’

 

‘But it is, isn’t it?’ she wailed.

 

‘Is it, Mum?’ Charlotte asked Nadia behind us.

 

As I opened the gates Anna started crying.

 

‘He’s dead, isn’t he? Just tell me, Mum.’

 

I gripped her hand as I opened the front door. ‘Come on, let’s go in the kitchen.’

 

Charlotte immediately went to Lucas, standing next to him and putting her arm round his shoulder. He slid an arm round her waist.

 

‘Hi, sweetie.’

 

Anna gripped my hand hard. ‘Tell us.’

 

I looked at Nadia’s face, etched with pain.

 

She looked at me. Took a deep breath. ‘I’m sorry, girls, but Granddad had an accident earlier today. He was . . .’ She trailed off and looked back at me for help.

 

‘Ethan took him out for a trip to Durdle Door and there was an accident,’ I stepped in. ‘Granddad fell off the cliff.’

 

Anna’s forehead scrunched up in a frown that looked like a scowl. I knew that look well. It was a prerequisite to a full-blown hysterical crying fit.