Where the Memories Lie
By: Sibel Hodge
That she was still alive and really had got up from the floor after I left and just run away. That I hadn’t really killed her, it was all just some horrendous nightmare. But then . . . I understood. Sometimes I’d catch Dad looking at me in a certain way. As if he was in agony.
And I knew that if she was really alive she would’ve never left me and Lucas alone. She would’ve done everything she’d threatened to do and more. Lucas would be in prison for rape and I’d be right alongside him for attempted murder or something. Dad covered it up ? buried her body, somewhere they’d never find her. So as the days went on I knew Dad had done what he had to do to protect me. He kept the secret until he couldn’t remember not to anymore.’
I shook my head, my bones feeling too heavy to stand. Dizziness took over, and I sank back to the slippery, sodden ground again.
‘You have to go to the police. Tell them now what happened.’
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Where the Memories Lie
‘I can’t. Don’t you understand? Not with Charlotte like this!’
‘So we just carry on hiding this, do we?’ I wanted to slap her again, then caught myself. I was letting my anger unleash itself, just like she’d done all those years ago with dire consequences. ‘Can you live with this?’ I let out a mirthless laugh. ‘Oh, yeah, I forgot. You have been for twenty-five years!’
‘It was an accident. A horrible, horrible accident. I never meant for it to happen. There hasn’t been a single day that I didn’t wish I’d done something differently. But I’ve tried to make up for what I did. Doing the volunteer work for children’s charities, being a good wife and mother. Looking after my family. It was my redemption.
I’ve tried to be a good person. Tried to pay for it all. To balance the good with the bad. And now I’m paying the worst kind of price.
Charlotte. It’s motherly karma, isn’t it? Maybe she has to die for it all to be made right.’
The wind grated on my skin; the rain stung my eyes. A chill worked its way through my bones, like spiders crawling deep inside.
‘What are you going to do?’ she asked.
I stared down at Tate Barn in the distance, wanting to set the place on fire. ‘I don’t know.’
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Epilogue
I used to think that everything was black and white. Crimes should be punished. People shouldn’t tell lies. Not big ones, anyway. Not important I’ve-just-killed-someone lies. But then, I’d never been in this situation before.
Katie was a liar. She was manipulative; a thief; maybe even toxic. But she was also a desperate, vulnerable young woman to whom fate had dealt a horrible hand. I also know she could be kind and compassionate and warm. Maybe she went about things the wrong way, but unless you’ve lived her life, how do you know you’d do things any differently?
But what Nadia did was wrong. She should’ve admitted it at the time. Confessed that it was an argument that had gone horribly wrong. An awful accident. She didn’t. Who knows what would have happened if she had? It’s too late to speculate and too late to change the past. What’s done is done. The only thing I’m thinking about now is the future.
And I have thought. Long and hard. For days I’ve tried to decide what to do. Should I keep the secret Tom made a decision to keep all those years ago? Should I let him go to his grave with Sibel Hodge
people thinking he’s a murderer? Should I respect his wishes, even if people think he’s guilty of something he’d never done? Should I expose Nadia?
In the end it comes down to one thing.
Family.