“I know.” She leaned her head back against her pillow. “But it still hurts.”
I nodded my head. I didn’t know what I could say to her to make it better. I didn’t know if there was anything I could say.
“Is she worth it?” She was staring at me, and as much as I didn’t want to hurt her more, I couldn’t lie to her.
“I’m in love with her, Emily. I have been since I was sixteen years old.”
She bit her lip and I could see tears forming in her eyes. “Did you love me?”
My chest ached because I did love her. I didn’t love her in the way that I loved Livy, but it didn’t mean that our love hadn’t meant something.
“I did.”
“But you love her more.”
I didn’t answer her. I just looked at her, and she nodded her head. She already knew the answer.
“Why are you here, Parker?”
“I already told you. You kept saying my name and…”
“No, Parker.” She shook her head.
“Why are you here?”
I stared at her, the girl that I almost married, and the guilt ate me up inside. “I feel so guilty, Emily. I just… I want you to be happy. I walked in here, and I saw you like this.” I motioned toward her. “You wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for me.”
“Stop.” She put her hand on top of mine. “I would give anything to have you still. Anything.” She took a deep, trembling breath. “But I don’t want to spend my life with someone who’s in love with someone else. I deserve better than that.”
“I know you do.” Emily deserved everything good. She deserved the world.
“Don’t waste it. We broke up because you’re in love with her. Don’t make her question that.”
Her words hit me hard in the chest.
“Go to her.”
I stood up, kissing Emily on the forehead, kissing her for the last time. “Thank you.”
I walked to the door, but Emily called my name as I turned the handle.
“I don’t blame you, you know? You can’t help who you love.”
And with her forgiveness, my heart broke a little more because I didn’t deserve it.
L I V Y
Present
When Parker finally walked in the door, I could feel the darkness that surrounded him.
He set his keys down on and the counter and stared at me from across the room.
“You’re still here.” His voice was soft and just hearing it seemed to calm some of my anxiety.
“I told you I would be.”
He nodded his head, but I could see how lost he was in his eyes.
“Are you okay?”
He shook his head and looked away from me.
“I’m just tired. I’m going to jump in the shower. Okay?”
I nodded my head and he made his way up the stairs without a backward glance.
As I watched his back disappear up the stairs, my chest ached. He was hurting. It was clear to see it, but I didn’t know how to make it better. I didn’t know how to make him let me back in.
I walked up the stairs and I heard the shower kick on as I entered his room. He had left the door cracked open, and even though I knew I was invading his privacy, I stood at the door and watched him. His forehead pressed against the shower wall, the cascade of water raining down on him.
I stripped my clothes off until I was completely bare, and I stepped into the shower behind him. He didn’t lift his head when he heard the shower door, but I watched the muscles of his back tense.
“Livy, what are you doing?”
“Parker, please.” I ran my hands down his back before pressing my chest against him.
“I’m sorry, Livy. I’m just fucked up in my head right now. I just need… I don’t know. I need to be alone.”
“Let me help you,” I whispered before I pressed my lips against his back.
He shook his head, water flying around him. “I’m just so mad at myself. I’m so fucking angry.” He slammed his fist against the shower wall, and I wrapped my arms around his chest.
“Take it out on me, Parker. Let me help you let go.”
He turned toward me, finally looking me in the eyes. “I love you, Livy.”
“I know,” I nodded my head, “but fuck me like you don’t.”
He slammed my back into the shower wall, the cold tile hitting my back, and his body surrounding me.
His mouth met mine in a rush. His kiss was sloppy and wet and full of anger. He lifted me up, his fingers digging into my thighs before he lined his cock up with his hand and thrust inside me without warning.
He thrust into me hard and angry, and I moaned as he hit a spot inside of me that begged for more. I took all of him. His anger. His need. His possession.
Pressure built inside me that was far more powerful than anything I had ever felt before. He bit down on my neck before he dropped me back down to my feet, and he spun me around. His hand was buried in my hair and my back was arched to the point of pain.
But he didn’t stop.
He thrust into me from behind and my hands pressed against the wet tiles trying to find something to hold onto. He pulled on my hair turning my face toward his, and he kissed me while he slammed harder into my body.
He released my hair making my upper body jolt forward, and I gripped the edge of the shower as his fingers gripped my ass. He reached his hand around my body and just when I thought I couldn’t take anymore, he slapped my clit with his hand and I screamed out his name as I came around him.
He thrust into me harder and my hands slipped, no longer strong enough to hold me. Parker caught my weight though and he carried me out of the shower and set me on the bathroom counter.
Shit fell to the floor as he pushed my body up on the granite, but neither one of us cared. He thrust into me again. Harder and harder, and even though I had just come, I felt it building inside me again.
His hand on my hip was bruising me and his mouth was punishing against my breast. He slammed into me, my back crashing into the mirror, and he watched me as he ripped the next orgasm from my body.
I screamed, this orgasm much more powerful than the last, and I felt like I had completely lost control. He pulled my hips closer to him as I rode out the waves of pleasure, and I felt his cock twitch inside me.
“You are mine, Livy.”
“Yes,” I called out, my voice rough with pleasure.
“Say it. I need to hear you fucking say it.” He slammed into me again driving his point home.
“I’m yours, Parker.”
He slammed into me, harder and harder, and he looked me straight in the eye. “I fucking love you, Livy.”
I leaned up, sucking the water off his neck, and he groaned as he came inside me.
He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me so tightly into him that I could barely breathe, but I didn’t need anything but him in that moment. And he needed me.
P A R K E R
Present
I woke up with Livy fast asleep on my chest. As I watched her breathe, her small body lifted and falling against mine, I couldn’t figure out how I had gotten so fucking lucky.
I had let the guilt I was feeling over Emily eat me up. It had taken over everything else, but Livy wouldn’t let it.