“And did you hear how thrilled you are about that? You just said that you’re supposed to marry her. Not that you’re going to, not that you can’t wait, but that you’re supposed to.” He shook his head like I was the biggest idiot he had ever met. “You’re not supposed to marry someone because you’re scared of hurting them, Parker. You’re supposed to marry someone who sets you on fire. Someone who you can’t stop thinking about and who thinks about you more than they do themselves.” He took a deep breath and stared me straight in the eye. My usual jokester friend completely serious in that moment. “I heard a quote once that if you want to know what someone loves then you should look at what they photograph. I think that goes for drawing too. How many portraits have you secretly drawn of Livy even since you and Emily have been together? How many drawings have you titled something else, but they only remind you of her?”
I stared at him and let his words sink into me.
“What about Mason?” I looked at my other best friend who now had his sister in a hug as they laughed.
“Fuck, Mason. If he can’t see how much you love his sister, then he’s as much an idiot as you are.”
L I V Y
Present
I felt like every day I was fighting a war with myself. Some days I would wake up and nothing in the world mattered as much as Parker. Other days, the pain was so fresh that the only thoughts that ran through my head were how to destroy him like he had done me.
I didn’t know what I had expected after our kiss, but I didn’t think that everything would be exactly like it was before. Parker barely seemed to notice me at work, and Emily was there far more than she had ever been before.
Their wedding was a week away, and I swear to God if I had to listen to her talk about it for one more minute, I was going to strangle her.
With every detail that she described, it was as if she was stabbing a tiny dagger into my heart. Part of me wondered if she was aware of what she was doing to me, but I couldn’t be certain. She was too friendly, blissfully happy, and I hated her.
Parker was busy with a client, and I was still trying to figure out why the hell Emily was still here. We weren’t friends, regardless of how hard we had tried, and I was beyond ready for her to leave.
“So… I took your advice.”
“You did.” I was staring at the computer adjusting Parker’s schedule.
“Yeah. I’m finally going to get a tattoo.”
I looked up at her, and she was clearly watching me.
“Have you decided what you’re going to get?”
She nodded her head excitedly. “You have to promise not to tell, Parker though. It’s going to be a wedding surprise.”
“Okay.”
She pulled out a wrinkled piece of sketch paper that had clearly seen better days, and as I stared down at the drawing, I thought I was going to hyperventilate.
“Where did you get this?” I held the drawing between my trembling fingers, and I tried to stop the bombarding memories from taking over.
“I found it in an old notebook of Parker’s that he had hidden away. I absolutely love it. Don’t you?”
I did love it, but not for the same reasons she did. If she knew why I loved it, she would hate it.
I laid the drawing on my desk, and I stared down at the portrait of a girl, a girl I hadn’t known for a very long time. Half of her face peaceful and half her face distorted with a swirl of colors and lines.
It was the first drawing Parker had ever drawn of me, but I looked nothing like that girl anymore.
I searched the lines, looking for something, but no matter how hard I looked, all I could see was Parker and me. It was the perfect match to the tattoo that was inked over my ribs, and there was no way in hell I was going to let her get it.
“I love it.” I croaked out the words. “When do you plan on surprising Parker? I can block some time out of his schedule.”
“I’m thinking the week after the honeymoon. I would get it before the wedding, but I wouldn’t want anything to ruin our wedding night if you know what I mean.” She winked at me, and I could taste vomit rising in my throat.
I blocked time off in his schedule then put the drawing in a folder. “I’ll keep it safe until the appointment so he doesn’t find it.”
“Thank you, Liv. I couldn’t have done this without you.”
“You’re welcome.”
“We’re going to match, you know?” She smiled.
“What?”
“Me and Parker. You’ve probably never seen it before because the tattoo is over his ribs, but he has this same tattoo on him. I’m so damn excited.”
I couldn’t breathe as the words passed her lips. I wanted to tell her that I was the one who inspired the tattoo she wanted. I wanted to tell her that I refused to allow her to get this drawing, but instead, I smiled and watched her sashay out the front door.
I pulled the drawing back out of the folder and held it in my hands thinking about what I wanted to say to Parker. I considered hiding the drawing and claiming that I lost it, but I couldn’t do that. Plus, he apparently had a perfect match permanently inked on his body.
When he finally appeared out of his room with his client, I held my breath trying to calm myself down. I knew I had no business getting this worked up, but it was impossible to tell your heart not to care when it had done nothing but care for so long.
As soon as his client walked out the door and Parker locked the door behind him, closing up for the night, I stormed over to him and lifted his shirt so I could inspect his body.
It only took a moment to spot my face, and I ran my hand over the ink as a tear trailed down my cheek.
“What the hell are you doing, Livy?” He tried to pull his shirt down, but I refused to let him.
“Why do you have this?” He opened his mouth to respond, but I spoke again before he could. “She’s not fucking getting it, Parker. Over my dead body.”
“What are you talking about?”
I stormed over to my desk, and he followed me. I shoved the drawing at him, and he stared down at it before looking back up at me.
“Where did you get this?”
“Your fiancée brought it in. She plans to surprise you by getting it after your honeymoon.”
“Livy.” He reached out for me, and I let him.
“I swear to God, Parker. She’s not fucking getting it. She doesn’t get everything. This is mine.”
He pulled me into his chest, squishing the drawing between us. “I won’t, Livy. I promise I won’t tattoo it on her. But you have to tell me what you want. Do you want me to leave her for you? Do you want me to tell her that I still love you?”
“That’s not fair.” I stepped away from him.
“No. What’s not fair is that you came back into my life when I finally thought that I had something real. You make me question everything, Livy. Everything.”
“I didn’t come back here to ruin your life, Parker. You know that. You were there, bringing me back here.” I could taste salt on my lips, and the taste of my pain a fresh reminder of everything we’ve been through. “I just need to think.”
I walked past him into the back room, but his steps echoed mine, following me step for step.
“You’re not running again, Livy.” He grabbed my hand, pulling me to a stop.
“We’ve been through too much.” I shrugged my shoulders. “But no matter what, I can’t unlove you, Parker.” I whispered the words as he tucked my hair behind my ear.
“I don’t want you to.”
He lifted me in the air as his mouth crashed into mine. My back slammed into the wall, and I tightened my thighs around him.