He didn’t know, so he took a step to start off their walk. She matched her pace to his. “Maybe, or maybe we were just too young to know what the hell we were doing.”
She nodded. “It’s funny. Back then I thought I had all the answers, now I second-guess so much of what I do.”
“You’ve been through a lot.”
“So have you, but you didn’t let it stop you. You took your dreams from back then and made them a reality. That has to be amazing.”
She is amazing. How she makes me feel is amazing, too. “Sometimes. Other times I wonder why it doesn’t matter as much as I thought it would. Part of me needed to prove to myself that I could do anything Brett could do. I proved it. My company will soon be as successful as his. I did it on my own, without the family’s money. So in a way I beat Brett, but it doesn’t feel how I thought it would. When he comes to see me, he looks disappointed. I don’t know why he even comes around. It’s not like either of us enjoys his visits.”
They walked along the shore together for several minutes, then Hailey said, “Maybe he’s not disappointed in you. Maybe he’s disappointed in himself.”
“Brett? That’s unlikely.”
“It’s easy to write someone off and walk away. That’s what we did to each other. I didn’t ask what was important to you. I didn’t think about what you might be going through. I focused on my experiences only. It stopped me from really knowing you. How well do you actually know Brett?”
Spencer paused and looked out over the water. He could have told her he’d been just as self-centered the first time around, but she knew it. He couldn’t go back and fix the past, but he could try to make more of the present. Hailey was pushing him to face issues he’d spent a lifetime denying he cared about. Honesty was long overdue. “I don’t. Not on any level that matters.”
“Then my next question is—do you want to?”
He found that he wanted to share how he felt with Hailey. Was it because they’d once come to each other, naked and unsure, and guided each other along? Did a bond like that endure? “He came to my office this week, and when I saw the way my little sister . . . Do you remember Nicolette?”
“I do.”
“Anyway, she didn’t sugarcoat what she thought of him and kept giving him these little digs.”
“And you felt bad for him.”
“Yeah, I did. Which is surprising because, all my life, he’s been cutting me down, telling me what I was doing wrong. Nothing I did was good enough.”
“Just like your grandmother.”
“Exactly like my grandmother.” He paused and looked down at her. “Did I tell you about her?”
“No,” she said hastily. “It’s just a guess. You said she’s coldhearted.”
They started walking again. “She is. They’re very similar. Put the man I thought was my real father in the same room with them and you’d have a trifecta of judgment.”
They’d reached a part of the beach that was deserted and rocky. Hailey stopped, picked up a stone, and threw it in the water. “That’s so sad.”
Great, how did I get her to sleep with me? I depressed her until she gave in out of pity. He pushed his feelings back into the box he kept them in. “Really, what is family except a huge time-suck, anyway?”
She spun on him then with unexpected anger in her eyes. “Do you honestly feel that way?”
He rocked back onto his heels in the face of her challenge. This was a new side of her. The easygoing girl he’d once fallen for now had an edge. He had a feeling that if he said yes it would bring a swift end to their time together.
The bullshit I tell myself isn’t enough for her.
“No, I don’t, but telling myself that makes the shitshow of my family bearable.”
An awkward silence followed.
She sat on a large rock and pulled her legs up protectively in front of her. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to react like that. I’m not judging you, but it’s hard for me to hear you talk that way. You have a big family. They make you angry. They drive you nuts, but you could work it out if you wanted to. You have the luxury of being with any of them if you choose. I can never have even a bad day with Ryan again.”
Spencer sat beside her and put his arm around her shoulders. Screw the rules. This isn’t about sex. “Did my family send you? Because you’ve got me ready to call every last one of them and apologize.”
She tensed beneath his arm. “Of course they didn’t.”
“I was joking.”
Her expression remained strained. “I know.”
Is it my arm? Am I crossing a line? He removed it and shifted to break the contact between their bodies.
They sat for a while without speaking, looking out over the water. The view got Spencer thinking about how he could incorporate it into his next themed virtual office program. “I want to show you what I do. Let’s shower, get something to eat, and I’ll take you to my office.”
“I should get back. I hate to leave Skye for too long on a day when I don’t have to.”
“Of course.” In an attempt to mask his disappointment, he ended up sounding impatient.
She searched his face and said, “She takes up a lot of my time. And that’s the way it should be. She and I are a package deal. I wouldn’t want to be with anyone who saw her as less than the blessing she is.”
Was that what drove my mother to divorce her first husband? Did he resent me? The love in Hailey’s voice when she defended Skye sparked yearning in him that had nothing to do with lust. People spoke about loyalty and commitment, but Hailey lived that virtue. She could have been resentful of how easily he’d believed the worst of her, but she wasn’t like that. She was the kind of woman a man could picture building a life with if he were ready to take such a step.
He offered her a hand to help her back to her feet. She took it. They stood there, hand in hand, in a moment outside of time. He could have kissed her then and she might have let him, but he held himself in check. Yes, his body went haywire whenever she stood too close, but he wasn’t a boy anymore. He didn’t have to let his desires rule him.
As he looked down into her trusting eyes, he asked himself where he wanted this to go. The answer came to him without hesitation. Whether we last for a week or a lifetime, I don’t want her to regret giving us a second chance. I want her to be happy.
He’d forged his place in the tech industry by being a problem solver, an obstacle remover. He couldn’t bring her father or her brother back. His experience with children was extremely limited, so he didn’t feel qualified to advise her on anything when it came to her niece. Her employment situation, however, was another story. He would find her the perfect job, one that would ease the worry in her eyes.
Doors were about to fly open for Hailey.
Some of his thoughts must have shone on his face because Hailey looked uncomfortable beneath his sustained attention. “You are my favorite view, beautiful inside and out. I forgot how good it feels just to look at you.” He gave her hand a gentle squeeze before releasing it. “I hope saying so doesn’t break any of our rules.”