When I came back down, I looked the part of lady of the house.
Upon reaching the main hall, I heard masculine voices and walked in to find Jarrod, Rolf, Sebastian, and Kai all there. Jarrod and Rolf were both looking about the place in surprise at its transformation.
They seemed especially interested in the tapestries. I still didn’t know what to make of Rolf. At first, he’d been openly stunned and angry when I hadn’t chosen him, but I soon had a feeling that he loved Kai and didn’t begrudge his youngest brother. After that, he’d been civil to me if not friendly.
“Dinner will be served shortly,” I said from the archway.
All four men turned as I walked in. Kai took in my dress and hair, and though he glowered, he never stopped following me with his eyes.
“You approve of the changes?” I asked Jarrod.
He glanced at the properly set table and the nearest tapestry. “I do.”
At that moment, Betty and Matilda came in carrying trays of sliced ham, roasted potatoes, peas, and two decanters of wine.
“Shall we sit down?” I suggested.
Jarrod shook his head as if amused. “I approve indeed.” Then he looked to Kai. “Now I want a grandson.”
Kai glanced away.
That night, Miriam dressed me for bed and lingered in my room until I sent her off. I would have preferred her to stay, but I knew that wouldn’t do.
I wondered if Kai would come, and I feared that he would come.
Time slipped past toward the mid of night.
He didn’t come, and my fear shifted.
My husband didn’t want me and cared nothing for me. Where would this lead?
What a foolish choice I’d made.
Chapter 15
As the weeks passed, I struggled to try and become the Lady of Volodane Hall.
With some regret, I retired my comfortable old blue wool and was not seen in it again. I had a part to play now, and if I wished to survive, I needed to look that part.
Almost before I knew it, I began to understand the rhythms of daily life here—at least to a point. Jarrod and Rolf were often out overseeing the land or running drills with the guards. Kai spent much of his time in training with a sword. Sebastian spent his time playing cards with the off-duty guards. Sometimes, he talked to me.
I knew I should be careful of seeming too partial to Sebastian, but he was the only one who spent any time with me, and he made me feel less alone. Whenever I was in the same room with Kai, he would follow me with his eyes, but he rarely spoke.
I wondered how much the rest of the household knew of the state of things between us.
To my fear and shame, this was partially answered one day when I’d gone outside to gather some lavender from the herb garden. I wanted to dry it and make a few sachets for my wardrobe. I was on my knees, cutting stems when I heard the sound of the back door opening and Jarrod walked outside, swiveling his head left and right. Looking straight ahead, he spotted me and strode over. As he wore a determined expression on his face, my stomach began to sink. He was looking for me. Had I done something wrong?
He reached me before I thought to stand, and this left me in an awkward position on my knees, being forced to look up at him from the ground.
“Why isn’t Kai sleeping in your bed?” he demanded, asking the question as if the fault were entirely mine.
I could feel my face flushing. Who had told him this, and how could he speak of such things so openly?
Gathering my skirt, I stood with as much dignity as I could muster. “You’d have to ask him.”
“I’m asking you.”
Kai didn’t like me and that was why he shunned my bed, but I had no intention of telling that to Jarrod. My position here was uncertain and precarious enough.
“I could not tell you,” I managed to say. Beyond embarrassed, I tried to walk past him, to flee this conversation. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to—”
His right hand shot out, and he grabbed my throat, his pointer finger and his thumb pressing into the soft area just below my jaw line. The pain was startling.
“Listen to me,” he said. “Kai’s like any young man. He’s had his share of housemaids and village girls, so there’s nothing wrong with him. I want a grandson, and I want one soon. You’re pretty enough even if you are cold as ice. You get him into your bed, girl, do you hear me?”
He tightened his grip, and I winced, willing to say anything to make him stop. “Yes!”
After studying my face for a long moment, he let me go. “Get it done,” he said.
Then he walked away with me watching after him in despair.
How could I possibly do what he asked?
Pressing onward, with no idea how to change Kai’s feelings toward me, I continued focusing on putting the keep in order.
I did my best with the house servants. Betty and Matilda were good workers and showed me due respect. I had no trouble with Ester either, but Lavonia and Cora both balked at the changes my arrival had wrought. They didn’t like suddenly being expected to put out proper meals, especially my idea of an acceptable dinner.
I worried that Ester was doing too much of the work, and I wanted to dismiss Lavonia—who I saw as the main troublemaker—but I still feared making any sort of mistake or overstepping my bounds.
As things stood, if I did anything wrong and Jarrod blamed me, Kai wouldn’t lift a finger on my behalf, and now I worried Jarrod might begin placing his desire for a grandson over his value of my family name and connections.
I wished desperately that my mother had taught me more about running a household.
Then . . . a few days later, Jarrod sought me out to tell me he’d arranged for a formal dinner, the first hosted here in many years. This was part of his plan to bring his family up in the world. He didn’t mention his demands from out in the herb garden, but in regards to this upcoming dinner, I had no illusions about his expectations of me.
“Who’s coming?” I asked.
“Lord Allemond Monvílle, his wife, and his brother. Their lands border our southern line, and I’m trying to buy a section of forest covered in oak. The timber alone is worth the purchase. Do you know him?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Try to remember what dishes he likes, and what kind of wine. He’s only coming to look down his nose at me.”
I suspected Jarrod was probably right.
The household burst into activity. Matilda began cleaning madly. Miriam worked hard to create a gown for me. With Betty’s help, I started sewing clothes for the men. Throwing caution to the wind, I even accepted Sebastian’s help planning a menu, as he was particular about food and knew more of what might be available here in the north that we could serve.
We decided upon a first course of salmon with a white sauce.
All seemed to be in hand until mid-morning of the day of the dinner when Jarrod and Kai walked into the main hall where I was busy attempting to make some centerpieces from wildflowers. Kai appeared more quietly angry than usual.
“Is everything ready?” Jarrod asked. His voice had an edge.
I turned to face him. “Yes, I think so.”