“Home, sweet home,” Sebastian said. “Such as it is.”
Sitting on his horse in front of me, Kai turned around to see my reaction. I’d not expected him to do this and had no chance to hide my dismay.
Jarrod urged his mount into a canter, rode up to the gates, and called out. A moment later, I heard a grinding sound, like timber creaking across timber, and then the gates opened.
We rode inside to a small, muddy courtyard. We had several wagons of goods sent by my parents, along with my luggage. Captain Marcel began calling out orders for proper unpacking and storage. Large, growling wolfhounds stalked between the horses.
This was not a welcoming place.
Jarrod jumped to the wet ground and called back toward us, “Kai! Get the women inside.”
Kai was already off his horse, but instead of reaching for me, he walked to Miriam and lifted her down. By the time her feet were settled, Sebastian was on the ground beside me.
“Put your hands on my shoulders,” he ordered.
I wondered at the wisdom of accepting his help, as Kai was my husband. Though Kai clearly wasn’t happier than me about us having been pressed into this marriage, I didn’t want to alienate him further by seeming to depend on his brother.
Still, I was exhausted and sore from riding and had no wish to offend Sebastian either. Placing my hands on his shoulders, I let him lift me down.
After this, Miriam and I were ushered inside the front doors of the keep . . . and I was home. The foyer and main passage were both dim, but Sebastian slipped past to lead the way.
“Bring them along, Kai,” he called over one shoulder, hurrying ahead. “I’ll make sure the fire is stoked in the hall.”
There was that word again: hall.
At the end of the passage, we emerged indeed to a large chamber with a fireplace tall enough that I could have stood inside. The sight of the already burning logs and the emanation of warmth filled me with relief. Half a dozen friendly spaniels came running toward us, wriggling and whining for attention. One of them leaped up into Kai’s chest. He caught the dog with both arms and smiled.
“Lacey, stop that. You know better.”
It was the first time I’d seen him smile.
Miriam grasped my hand and pointed to the hearth. “My lady?”
Nodding, I let her lead me to the warmth of the blaze. The walls were bare of any ornament or tapestry, and the floor was filthy.
Hearing heavy footsteps, I turned to see Jarrod and Rolf walk in.
Kai put down the dog.
Two serving women hurried in carrying trays, and Jarrod waved me toward the table. “Over here.”
Miriam and I both moved to join him. Though my dress was damp, and I couldn’t stop shivering, I was hungry and longing for a mug of tea.
I waited for Jarrod to take his seat so the rest of us could follow suit. He didn’t. He stood beside the table and poured himself a mug of what looked to be ale. Then he poured another and held it out to me. I didn’t care for ale.
Of course, though, I took it, and he gestured down to a tray on the table. “Help yourself.”
The only items on the tray were two loaves of hardened bread and a half wheel of cheese with mold on the rind.
Kai watched my face carefully, and his resentment was unmistakable. He thought me a snob who viewed them all as far beneath myself, who viewed this place as far beneath myself. Perhaps he wasn’t wrong.
Jarrod studied me as well. “The kitchen women have grown lazy. It’s your place to set them into minding their tasks.” He paused. “I want to have guests here soon and not be ashamed.”
I shuddered at the thought of being expected to turn this keep into a place suitable for entertaining. No one had ever taught me how to run a house. But I pushed the thought aside and tried to eat a chunk of the cheese.
After a few bites, I felt too exhausted to eat.
Jarrod waved to one of the serving women. “Betty, show your new lady to her room. You know which one.” He looked back to me. “Kai will be up later.”
That prospect was far more daunting than the thought of running a household.
Miriam and I followed Betty.
The room I was given on the second floor of the single tower was a woman’s room, or it once had been.
Two candles burned on a bed stand, providing sufficient light.
Walking to the dressing table, I gazed into the mirror and cringed, as I was more bedraggled than I’d realized. Miriam stood in the center of the room, taking in the furnishings. Her face was pale and stricken.
What had I dragged her into?
One of my chests had been carried and set at the end of the bed. “See if I have a nightgown in there.”
Springing into action, she peeled off my dress and my shift and then helped me into a long white nightgown. I grew anxious over what would happen tonight. My mother hadn’t told me much of what took place between men and women in the dark.
Miriam must have sensed my thoughts. “Try not to worry, my lady.”
Just as she’d begun attempting to dry my hair, the door opened, and Kai walked in.
He still wore his sword and chain armor. His entire body was rigid, and I could hear him breathing as he glared at me. Glancing at Miriam, he motioned toward the door with his head. “Go.”
Taking in his expression, she hesitated. “My lady?”
This only seemed to make him angrier, and so I told her, “It’s all right. Have someone show you to your room.”
She slipped out, and I stood facing Kai alone. Most women probably would have found him handsome, with his young, clean-shaven face and long hair. I only saw a tall, strong man who didn’t like me. Worse, I belonged to him. He could do anything he wanted and I couldn’t stop him and no one would care.
For the first time since our wedding, I realized the full extent of my situation, and I was afraid. If only he had talked to me a little before now. But he hadn’t. We’d barely exchanged a few words.
He didn’t take his eyes from my face.
“You don’t want me,” he said. “Like all your kind, you look down on us. On me.”
“That’s not true.”
“You do want me? Then say it. Say the words.”
I couldn’t say it. He was an angry stranger, and I was afraid of him.
At my silence, he whirled and left the room.
A flood of relief passed through me, but this was followed by a different kind of fear. What would happen now? I had no protector here, and my husband cared nothing for my welfare. In fact, he seemed to want me gone. Whatever I did, I couldn’t allow myself to make any kind of mistake nor do anything for which I might be blamed. There would be no one to take my side.
Shivering, I crawled beneath the covers of the bed.
I was in a room surrounded by someone else’s things. This wasn’t my home, and the Volodanes weren’t my family. I never thought to miss my parents, but at least I knew what they expected of me. I even missed Helena.
What would she have done in my place?
No doubt she’d have won Kai over by now, and he’d be on his knees, willing to kill or die for her.
I wasn’t Helena, not even close. He didn’t like me.
I was alone.
Tears leaked from my eyes and disappeared into the pillow.