I lay there in bed, trying to shut off my mind, but I couldn’t.
Suddenly, I had to get up. I had to get out of this room and do something to help tire me enough that I might still my thoughts. I was in my nightgown, but by now, the rest of the household had gone to bed, so I put on my dressing gown and tied the sash around my waist.
Slipping from the room, I made my way down to the main floor. I decided to check the state of the hall and see that everything had been cleared away and readied for breakfast. I knew Betty and Matilda would have seen to this, but at least . . . it was something to do.
I needed to walk and think.
Passing through the archway of the hall, I was about to head for the table when I stopped cold.
Kai had pulled a chair up to the hearth and was sitting in front of it, alone, with one hand over his mouth. Either my sound or movement caught his attention because he glanced over and then stood up at the sight of me. He was still dressed in the same clothing, so I wondered if he’d even left the hall after dinner.
“Megan.”
His eyes ran down my silk dressing gown. It was a soft shade of peach.
For a moment, I stood frozen, not sure what to do. But I couldn’t very well walk back out, so I went to the hearth.
“I didn’t mean to disturb you,” I said. “I couldn’t sleep.”
He hadn’t moved. “You aren’t disturbing me.” Neither of us spoke for the span of few breaths, and then he said, “My father was pleased with the dinner.”
“I’m glad.” Then I wondered if he wanted me gone, if he wanted to be alone, so I took a step backward. “Again, I’m sorry. I can see you want some peace.”
As I started away, he said, “Wait.” His voice sounded pained, almost panicked. “Do you want to go back to your room alone?” he asked. “Do you want to leave me here in peace?”
Why did he always have to be like this? He seemed to want something from me that I had no idea how to give. But deep inside, I knew this moment was critical, and in truth, the last thing I wanted was to go back to my room alone.
Looking him in the eyes, I answered, “No.”
He closed the distance between us in one stride and caught the back of my head with his hand. The next thing I knew his mouth was pressing down on mine. He kissed me so hard it almost hurt. The act startled me so much my first instinct was to try and push him away, but that impulse passed.
He had me drawn up against himself, and I could feel the warmth of his body. The fierce pressure of his mouth changed when he opened it and slid his tongue between my teeth. I could feel his hunger and his urgency, and I found myself kissing him back.
He gasped and took hold of my head with both hands.
“Come upstairs with me,” he whispered.
The mid of night had passed before we were finally spent, and he still gripped me in his arms. Lying in my bed, we were both naked and sweat-soaked, and my mind reeled. No wonder my mother had told me nothing. How could she have explained?
How could anyone explain?
My lips were bruised, and my body was sore, but I wanted him to kiss me again. I wanted him to go on devouring me as he’d been doing for hours. I wanted to give back, as I’d been doing for hours.
How could I have known the joy and longing and need two people could feel for each other?
“I thought you didn’t like me,” I whispered in the dark.
“I thought you didn’t want me.”
I kissed his chest softly. “I want you.”
He exhaled through his mouth and held me tighter.
Chapter 16
The next morning, I woke up in his arms with no idea what time it might be. I wondered if Miriam had been in, seen us, and slipped back out.
“Kai,” I murmured. “We need to see the Monvílles off.”
He opened his eyes and blinked at the sight of me, almost as if he couldn’t believe I was there. Then he nodded. His clothes from the last night were in a wrinkled mess on the floor, and he pulled on his pants. “I’ll meet you in the courtyard.”
As he leaned over to kiss me, I hoped he wouldn’t begin everything we’d done last night all over again because I wouldn’t have the willpower to stop him. Thankfully, his own good sense prevailed, and after a quick kiss, he left my room.
Within moments, Miriam came and helped get me dressed. I could see she was dying to ask questions.
“A pleasant night, my lady?”
I couldn’t help smiling. “Very pleasant.”
She smiled back and said no more.
Once dressed, I went downstairs to learn from Betty that the Monvílles had already eaten breakfast and were making ready to leave. Hurrying to the courtyard, I found Jarrod, Rolf, Sebastian, and Kai all outside bidding the Monvílles farewell. Kai must have dressed quickly in his own room before coming down because he wore his usual long-sleeved wool shirt over his canvas pants.
“Do forgive me,” I said to Lady Rosamund. “I fear I overslept.”
“It’s all right, my dear,” she answered, her tone suggesting my behavior was anything but all right. “We didn’t mind eating breakfast alone with no hostess.”
I let her kiss my cheeks and watched her mount her horse. Oddly, I couldn’t have cared less for her disapproval and found myself struggling to keep my eyes off Kai. Everything was different today. He loved me. He hadn’t said it, but I knew.
Lord Allemond was surprisingly friendly to Jarrod and Rolf, complimenting Jarrod on the fine dinner.
Jarrod nodded as if such praise were expected.
“Tomorrow then?” Allemond asked.
“We’ll meet you at the old hunting lodge in the north quarter,” Jarrod answered.
“Good. I’m sure you’ll find everything in order, but I think it’s best you check for yourself.”
With that, our guests rode out.
Only then did I allow myself to turn to Kai.
“I have a sparring session with Captain Marcel this morning,” he said, “but we can do whatever you like this afternoon.”
“Would you take me out riding on the land?”
I hadn’t seen anything of the estate.
He nodded, seeming pleased by my request. Both Jarrod and Rolf were talking to each other and didn’t hear this, but Sebastian did and raised an eyebrow at me. I ignored him and went back inside.
I was happy, already picturing myself riding beside Kai out on the land.
But first, I had to see to my own duties this morning and headed off to the kitchens for a task that would be expected of me, something my mother had always done the day after a banquet.
Along the way, I passed Betty and stopped her briefly. “Would you please find Miriam and send her to the kitchen?”
“Yes, my lady.”
As I entered the kitchen, Ester smiled. “Was the meal last night to Lord Jarrod’s liking?”
“It was perfect. Thank you so much.” I looked at the other girls, including Cora. “And thank you. I know you all worked hard.”
Cora had been watching me nervously, but she nodded at my words. I was glad of this, as it made me think she wanted to keep her position and that perhaps without Lavonia’s influence, she might work out well.