The familiar smell of the sea air fills my nose as I stand on the seashore in my shorts, the Mediterranean a never-ending blanket of sparkling water under the blazing sun. It’s John-Boy’s first time in Paradise, and he’s mesmerised by the sand under his little bare feet, his toes constantly clawing. ‘Look, Dada!’ he says, over and over, doing little dramatic gasps as he points to the gigantic expanse of blue water before him and the white sand he’s standing on. ‘Gosh,’ he breathes, bewitched by the sea. ‘Gosh, Dada.’
My fucking heart swells to epic proportions as I hold his hand and Jacob holds his other, our feet getting precariously close to the water. Maddie is dancing in the shallow depths. ‘Look, John-Boy!’ She kicks the water and he chuckles, the sound adorable. ‘You coming to play in the water?’ She drops to her knees and holds out her hands.
‘No, Addie.’ He shakes his little head and turns into Jacob, raising his arms for his brother to pick him up. I lower my arse to the sand as Jacob lifts him and sets him on his hip, though John-Boy’s eyes don’t unstick themselves from the water. ‘Oh gosh,’ he gasps again, pointing out past Maddie. ‘A oat!’
‘Yes, a boat!’ I sing, clapping my hands at him, making him jig excitedly in Jacob’s arms.
‘Oh, here’s Mum.’ Maddie jumps up and frantically brushes the wet sand from her body. ‘Quick, Dad!’ Her hands flap at me, hurrying me to my feet.
‘You ready, guys?’ I ask, pulling my Wayfarers off and getting my first glimpse of her. ‘Fuck me,’ I breathe quietly as she comes down the steps from the villa, her white layered lace bikini perfect against her olive skin, her hair plaited over her shoulder. And she has a calla lily in her hand, just a single calla lily. I smile and reach into my pocket as she approaches. ‘Mrs Ward, you look out of this world.’
‘You too.’ She holds her wrist out, eyebrows high, and I grin, dragging the cuffs from my pocket. ‘Shackle me, Ward.’
I do as I’m bid, snapping one over her wrist before securing it to me. I don’t know how she knew I’d have them. Then again, this woman has always read me like a book. Leaning in, I push my lips to hers. The kids don’t say a word. Even John-Boy is silent, probably staring out at the water rather than at Mummy and Daddy handcuffing themselves to each other. ‘Ready?’ I ask her.
‘Always,’ she replies, turning us towards the kids. I laugh under my breath when I find Jacob standing tall in his trunks, a book in his hands.
‘What’s that?’ I ask, bemused.
‘A Bible. I have to look like I know what I’m doing. This is important.’ He clears his throat and looks down at the pages, drawing breath to speak. ‘It’s—’
‘Wait!’ Maddie yells, chasing after John-Boy when he decides that now he’d like to try the water. ‘John-Boy, no.’ She lifts him into her arms and returns to her spot. ‘Sorry. You may resume.’
I look at Ava, frowning, and she laughs. ‘Go on,’ I prompt, sliding my hand into my wife’s.
‘Do you, Jesse Ward, take Ava Ward to be your wedded wife?’ Jacob asks, a certain posh edge to his voice. ‘To have and to hold from this day forward. To love, honour—’
‘I thought we weren’t doing the official thing?’ Maddie interrupts, scowling at Jacob.
He leans into her, full of annoyance. ‘You’re ruining their special day.’
‘Seriously? They’ve had, like, two already. Who gets married three times?’ She rolls her eyes and starts bouncing John-Boy when he starts yelling impatiently, reaching for his new favourite friend, the Med.
‘Me and your mum do,’ I snap, giving her a face that dares her to argue. ‘You gonna argue with me? And before you answer, think carefully about who will be paying for your wedding when you find the one.’
She snaps her mouth shut, startled, and probably pleasantly surprised, and Ava cocks an interested eyebrow. ‘Get on with it, Jacob,’ I tell him, before anyone has the chance to ask where The Jesse Ward has disappeared to. Turning to Ava, I breathe in the salty air and wink.
‘Dad, do you take Mum to be your wife?’ Jacob spurts out the words tiredly.
‘I do.’
‘Mum, do you take Dad to be your husband?’
‘I do.’ She grins at me, yanking my hand when my eyes drift down to her boobs straining against the white material of her bikini. ‘Eyes up here, Ward.’
‘Sorry.’ I flash her my roguish grin, returning her gesture and yanking her hand when her gaze takes a casual jaunt down my prime chest. ‘Hey.’
‘Not sorry.’ She chuckles, diving at me, her thighs trapping me in their grasp, her free arm around my neck. And her gorgeous lips on mine. ‘Don’t ever tell me I can’t admire what’s mine.’ Biting my lip, she pulls back, just a fraction, so her forehead rests on mine. ‘I love you, Jesse Ward.’
‘Of course you do.’ Resealing our lips, I turn and run into the water with her attached to my front.
‘I now pronounce you man and wife!’ Jacob yells at us, his declaration only just heard over our laughs and the splashing water. ‘Hey, wait for me!’
As soon at the water is up to my waist, I take us under, rolling us around, our bodies and limbs twisting, the moment reminiscent. Except this time we’re not just us. We’re not just Jesse and Ava. We’re not just man and wife.
We’re Mum and Dad.
Only when I’m unable to hold my breath any longer do I push us to the surface, gasping for air when I get there. Ava soon reattaches herself to my front, breathing heavily in my face as she blinks her eyes open. ‘Fuck, it’s cold.’ She shudders in my arms as Jacob splashes his way to us.
‘Watch your mouth,’ I warn, landing her with a kiss before pulling the cuff off my wrist and pushing her away from me. I’m attacked from behind by Jacob crawling up my back until he’s standing on my shoulders. ‘Off you go, boy.’ I take his ankles and launch him into the air, just in time for Maddie to tackle me. ‘Amateurs,’ I mutter, taking her under the arms and throwing her away. She screams, I laugh, looking to the shore to see John-Boy standing just out of reach of the rolling shoreline.
‘Dada!’ he yells to me, quite put out that he’s missing all the fun. ‘Dada, gosh!’
I wipe my hair from my face as I trudge through the water. ‘Touch the sea,’ I tell him, laughing when his little head starts to shake furiously, knocking his blond curls about. ‘Dada come get you?’ I ask.
‘Dada!’ he yells, starting to pad the sand with his feet, making grabby hands for me.
I make it to him and lift him into my arms, his little padded nappy trunks dry as a bone. ‘You always swim in the swimming pool at home,’ I say, kissing his hair as I walk back into the water, the others up ahead dunking and splashing each other. ‘Hey, calm down, guys.’
They all stop with the larking around and start encouraging John-Boy in, clapping and singing excitedly as he starts to jerk in my arms. The moment his toe touches the water, he gasps, and I decide it’s now or never. So I quickly sink us in up to our necks.
‘Oooh, cold, Dada!’ He moves to my front, clinging onto my neck as he looks back to the others, clearly desperate to join them. I swim over as Jacob climbs onto Ava’s back, and as soon as I’m close enough, Maddie is on mine, cooing over my shoulder to John-Boy, who has adopted a chimp-style hold uncannily similar to his mother’s. With Maddie lying on my back, and John-Boy plastered to my front, I swim towards Ava until our baby is squished between her chest and mine, the twins dangling from our backs. The happiness radiating from my wife’s eyes is fierce, and I know mine is reflecting right back at her. This moment, this precious moment, is what any man should live for.
And I do. I live for them. My heart beats to keep me alive for them.
‘Kiss me,’ I say to Ava over John-Boy’s head, reaching forward with my spare hand and slipping it onto her nape, holding his little body to my chest with my other. ‘And close your eyes.’
Smiling, her eyes flutter closed with mine, and our lips meet. I taste nothing but love in her kiss. I hear nothing but love in the sound of the twins’ laughter. I feel nothing but love in John-Boy’s baby skin pressed against my chest. And I smell nothing but love in Paradise.
The only sense I don’t have in this perfect moment is my vision. To see my beautiful family surrounding me.
I don’t need it. I feel them. With every fibre of my being, I feel them.
Their presence, their faces, their love, is all carved deeply into my soul. It makes me who I am.