“Why?” he said in a quiet growl. “Why would you not let me come to you?”
“It would have been your word against the word of a king, Torben. Who do you think would be believed? And even if my father didn’t believe Cathal, he would not be able to punish him. It would start a war. Cathal is more powerful, has more money, and a larger army at his disposal. He would demand your death, and my father wouldn’t be able to save you. I wouldn’t be able to save you.” My voice trembled as I imagined Torben with a noose around his strong neck. No. I would not let that happen. No matter what I had to endure. I would not let anyone I care for be hurt by the evil king.
“My fate is my own choice. Not yours,” he told me. “I decide what risks to take. That responsibility should not fall on your shoulders, Princess.”
I nearly collapsed under the emotion behind his words. This was not just a guard doing his duty. This was a man needing to protect something precious to him. As he leaned his forehead against mine and took a deep breath, inhaling my scent, I closed my eyes and allowed myself a minute to find comfort in his touch. I needed to compose myself before anyone else saw me. Especially Dayna. She would know in a heartbeat that something was amiss.
“I have to release you before someone sees me touching you in such a manner. Would that I could take you captive and leave this place. I need to protect you, Allete. The things Cathal is capable of make me sick. Thinking about you being the object of his attention makes me completely capable of cold-blooded murder.”
I gasped as I heard the absolute certainty in his voice. He would kill for me without reservation. Torben would kill Cathal and probably not feel an ounce of regret. Perhaps such a thing should frighten me. Instead, it made me feel protected.
When he stepped away, I suddenly felt very alone and exposed. His stout frame had sheltered me from the scary things in the world. But he wasn’t mine. I couldn’t hide behind him from my fate. I would have to face it head on and deal with the consequences on my own.
I raised my chin and straightened my dress. “Would you please accompany me back to my chambers and then send for Lidia?”
Torben bowed his head slightly. “As you wish, my lady.”
My steps were quick, though I attempted to project an outward appearance of calm. I had no idea if I was succeeding in my endeavor, but I’d be damned if I cowered like a wilted flower in my own home. Cathal may have scared me, but he had not broken me—not yet anyway.
As we reached my chambers, Torben stepped in front of me and opened the door. He went inside before me and walked around the room, glancing behind the changing screen and checking under the bed. He walked quickly across to the bathing chamber and peered in before coming back out and then checking the wardrobe.
“It looks to be clear,” he said as his eyes met mine. “We will be just outside. Brant will fetch your hand maiden.”
Both men were out the door before I could respond to his brisk words. The door closed gently behind them. I walked around the room myself, wringing my hands in front of me and trying hard not to claw at my skin to remove the memory of Cathal’s touch. My stomach clenched at the memory of his mouth, and I had to run to make it to the washbasin in the bathing chamber to keep from vomiting on the floor. I heaved and heaved, but nothing came up. I hadn’t eaten since breakfast so my stomach was empty. I took a dry cloth and dipped it into the pitcher of water and pressed it to my face and neck, helping to cool the heat of my skin.
“Sister mine, where are you?” Dayna’s voice came from the main room. The fact that I hadn’t heard the door open or close gave testament to what a mess I was.
I set the cloth down and walked out into the room. The gasp from my sister was enough to know that I looked as bad as I felt.
“What the bloody hell happened to you?” Dayna breathed as she hurried to my side. She lifted her hand and ran a finger across my neck. No doubt Cathal had left bruises from his mouth and fingers. He’d marked me like I was his property.
“Cathal happened,” I finally managed to say. I was determined to not fall apart in front of her, knowing it would only add to her worry. Before Dayna could respond, the door opened, and Lizzy rushed in. Her mouth dropped open as her eyes went unnaturally wide.
“Your guard said you needed me,” she said. The initial shock dissipated as she hurried over to me. “Did that king do this?” Lizzy asked.
I really didn’t want to talk about it. I felt dirty. My skin crawled, and I wanted so desperately to climb out of it. I wanted the memory of his mouth and hands on me gone. At that point, I was willing to give up all my memories just to get the man out of my mind. I wasn’t even married to him yet and already he was making me utterly miserable.
“I know you want us to leave you be,” Dayna said, her perceptive eyes narrowing on me. “But let us help get you cleaned up and into your night clothes.”
“And we’ll bring you some food so you won’t have to go down to dinner,” offered Lizzy.
“And some of Father’s whiskey,” said Dayna.
I nearly smiled. Leave it to my youngest sister to bring whiskey in as the savior. “Whiskey doesn’t fix everything,” I teased.
She shrugged. “Maybe, but it sure as hell calms the nerves. Makes things seem a bit less dire, if only for a little while.”
Lizzy was nodding as if what Dayna was saying was the most logical explanation ever.
“Fine, let’s get this all done. I just want to climb in bed and forget today ever happened.”
My sisters spent the next half hour sponge-bathing me, braiding my hair, and rubbing me down with the lotion that I usually only reserved for special occasions. Several times I simply closed my eyes and let myself take comfort in their ministrations. I didn’t like feeling helpless. I didn’t like feeling as though I was completely out of control of my own life. Pushing it all aside for the brief time that it took my sisters to pamper me, feed me, and then tuck me into bed had been exactly what I needed. In that moment, I was so very thankful for Dayna’s pushiness and Lizzy’s quiet presence.