Forgotten Silence: Grey Wolves Novella (The Grey Wolves #10.5)
Quinn Loftis
Chapter One
“When did everything fall apart? I keep trying to figure out when things went from sunshine and rainbows to sewage and rat nests. No matter how hard I try, I can’t pinpoint the exact moment I was no longer standing on solid ground. Suddenly, it was just gone, and I was falling. I’m still falling. Part of me wants to hit the bottom, but part of me hopes I never do because I’m scared of what I’ll have to face when I get there.” ~ Sally
Death. A subject people avoid at all cost. No one wants to die, of course, but people become uncomfortable simply discussing it. We hate the realization that this life is temporary. None of us wants to think about the pain that might come before death or the pain others will feel once we’re gone. It’s easier just to pretend the pain of death only comes to other people.
So, then, what did it say about Sally that death seemed a welcome topic? In fact, she could think of nothing better than closing her eyes for the last time and never having to open them again. To leave her defiled body behind, to no longer be trapped in a mind that continued to remember things she longed to forget, to no longer be a burden to the ones she loved so desperately, seemed the perfect solution.
But there was just one problem. Her death would also take Costin’s life because of the true mate bond. It would also destroy Jacque, Jen, and Sally’s own parents, and it would leave Titus without his parents, for a second time no less. She was sane enough to admit ending her life would be the selfish way out. She could tell herself all day it would be a blessing to those who were constantly worrying about her, but, in truth, it would be only for her to escape the pain.
Sally sighed as she leaned back against the railing of the gazebo. The indoor garden of the Romania pack mansion had become a refuge of sorts. It was the place she retreated to when she felt overwhelmed, which was pretty much every day, all day. It had been a week since she’d been found in Ocean Side and reunited with her mate and her family, a week since her memory was restored even as her life crumbled at the same time. It had been a mere seven days, yet it felt like months. She was exhausted. She fought to get through every minute of the day. There was no rest, not when she sat, doing nothing at all, not when she slept, not when she kept busy in hopes of keeping the thoughts at bay. She felt like a ticking bomb—at any moment, her time would be up. How many people would be collateral damage when she finally exploded? Or would she simply implode and take all her anguish and misery with her, leaving those she loved relatively unscathed?
“I can’t do this,” she whispered, thankful there was no one to hear her. The wall in her mind, which she kept firmly in place, kept Costin from hearing her thoughts. He would freak out if he knew she was thinking like this. No, he would more than freak out if he knew what was going on in her head. He’d have her chained to his side and never let her out of his sight … not that he ever willingly let her out of his sight as it was. He grudgingly gave her some privacy when she insisted, but he was never further than just outside the door of whatever room she occupied.
Costin watched her with an intensity many would have found unnerving and creepy. But Sally knew why he did it. The unique mate bond that true mates had gave her an in that no one else had. And because of that she knew he understood the desolation filling her, no matter how hard she tried to hide it. That realization only made it worse because, not only was Sally being haunted by memories that were slowly killing her, Costin was suffering as well. She was hurting him and felt powerless to stop.
Sally felt her breath catch as she let the bond slip slightly open. The overwhelming love and worry she felt pour into her was so much more than she deserved. She slammed the bond shut quickly before he could feel her anguish and disgust. She was dirty, tainted, and unworthy of his affection.
“Cheater,” she heard the darkness whisper in her mind. “Unfaithful, adulterer.” It hissed like a snake.
Words—all true—that all described her now, though they weren’t adjectives she’d imagined she’d ever be associated with. After all, who grows up thinking “One day I’ll cheat on my spouse,” like the fact was something inevitable and should just be accepted? She’d grown up in a family with parents who loved each other. They weren’t overly affectionate, but anyone could see the adoration in her parents’ eyes when they looked at one another. She’d been taught that for a relationship to work, there must be trust, sacrifice, respect, and love. She’d always been told love was a choice, not a finicky emotion you fell in and out of.
Her parents had given her a solid foundation upon which to stand with respect to relational success. But they hadn’t prepared her for what to do if her mind was supernaturally wiped. There was no instruction manual for navigating the issues that came with being thrown into a life that wasn’t real and pursued by a man who wasn’t her soul mate. There was no book entitled Supernatural Affairs for Dummies. Where were the instructions on how to deal with those dilemmas? Where were the self-help books, the counseling groups, the pills to help her cope with the pain that came from completely forgetting the man that held the other half of her soul and giving her body to another?
Sally felt him before he opened the door and entered her sanctuary. His hazel eyes met hers and held her gaze with a confidence she envied now more than ever. He stalked toward her with purpose in every step. His movements were calculated, unhurried, and graceful. He was, quite simply, breathtaking.
“It’s late, Sally mine,” Costin’s deep voice rumbled. He held out his hand to her. “I’ve already put Titus down. Come to bed.”
Her gut clenched with guilt when she heard her adopted son’s name. She should have been there to say good night to him. She was still so very new to the whole mom thing and sucking hardcore at it.
“He understands more than you realize,” Costin said as though she wasn’t keeping her mind closed from him and he could hear her thoughts. “Please, come to bed.”
She stood and walked toward him. Her hands shook so she tucked them behind her back in hopes of hiding the tremors. It was also convenient because it kept them from making contact. Sally didn’t deserve to touch him. She had lost the right to put her hands on him when she’d touched another male.