“I think he’s big enough for a stroller,” Grace said. She rocked him gently as they wandered through the butterfly garden. “I just have to put a little aside for the next couple of weeks.”
“I’ll get a job.” She would. It felt good to even say it. This sitting at home shit had to stop.
Grace snorted and tilted her head down to Max. “You have a job.”
But I don’t want it. Instead she nodded as a large monarch butterfly landed on her sister’s shoulder, then fluttered to Max’s forehead.
“That means luck!” Grace smiled widely. “You’re going to be blessed, little man.”
Faith’s throat constricted around the lump that sat perpetually in it. Maybe Max already was.
They let Max dip his tiny hands hand into the museum’s shallow tide pool and laughed when he flapped wildly, showering them both with saltwater. A few of the children gathered along the raised edge of the exhibit splashed him back as he gurgled cheerily until a museum volunteer asked them to stop. Then they took him to the planetarium and showed him the stars. That night he fell asleep without a whimper. He’d finally seen some of the wide world outside the little house.
If only he knew how wide it was and what terrifying possibilities it held. Faith laid awake, staring at the popcorn ceiling, wishing she could see the stars.
In the morning, she disappeared into that vast, frightening world without a second thought.
Chapter 20
Jude and I require adult time.
Not the kind of time we've spent pressed against garage doors, but serious, face-to-face, uninterrupted time to talk. So I ask him out.
It's silly that I still feel giddy when he says yes. Since this is my date, I choose the restaurant. I decide to stick to his comfort zone. Thai Gardens perches on the corner of downtown. It's a little more romantic than my living room, with dreamy plum accents and exotic statues, while still being casual.
"Thai?" he asks when we are shown to our table. I open my napkin and lay it across my lap. "I thought I'd expand your horizons."
"I guess I’ll have to trust you."
Trust me. That might not last long.
His eyes flicker to my hand, and I freeze. I didn't even realize I’d picked up my fork and begun to tap it nervously against the tabletop. Jude removes the offending utensil gently and links his fingers through mine.
Usually that gesture would calm me, but I know why we're really here tonight.
Yes, we need adult time. We need time without Max and Amie. We need time away from the couch and outside of an NA meeting to really get to know one another. Although he has been nothing but open about his life, I can't say the same.
When it comes to Jude, I am spiraling out of control. It's a dizzying, exhilarating feeling to fall and know that he'll be there to catch me, but I can't ask him to give me any more of himself until he knows the truth.
The waitress appears and Jude asks her for recommendations. My stomach is one large knot and I defer to him to choose for me. She shakes her head a little as she walks away, probably marveling at the sheer number of things he actually orders.
Meanwhile, I decide the truth goes better with main courses than appetizers.
"By the way, I meant to tell you," Jude begins, as he drops a straw into his iced tea. "You look beautiful tonight, Sunshine."
I can't keep the grin off my face, despite the somber reason that I chose to actually dig a dress out of my closet.
"Amie pretended to faint when she saw me," I tell him. "I guess it's a surprise that I own something besides jeans."
"I will admit I like those jeans and what they do for your ass, but you're stunning tonight."
I smooth my black crepe dress down, suddenly self-conscious. I’ve piled my hair into curls on top of my head and even gone so far as to apply eyeliner—the tricky liquid kind—as well as lipstick.
"You look nice too." I try to deflect some of the attention away from me.
He runs a finger around the collar of his black button-down, and shrugs. "I'm not even in the same league as you."
I wonder if he'll think that when I finally come clean. The knot in my stomach coils tighter, and I gulp down water trying to calm myself. Of course, I then proceed to set the glass down on the tines of my fork, knocking it across the table.
"Oh my God! I'm so sorry!" I rush to blot the running water before it spills onto his pants. I can't even get simple things right. Jude grabs my hand and I realize I'm cursing myself out under my breath.
"It's not a big deal," he says softly.
The waitress bustles over with dry napkins, clearing the homeless ice cubes. I find myself wishing it were so easy to mop up my other mistakes.
I need to get a grip. I can't possibly expect to make any sense if I start sharing now.
The main courses arrive and I’m up against my own self-imposed deadline. Thankfully the spicy, garlicky aroma wafting from the various plates distracts Jude.
"Let's see if this is any good." He spears a shrimp onto his fork and pops it into his mouth.
"Don't have an orgasm," I tease as his eyes roll back.
"Which one is this?" he asks after he swallows.