We're grinning like fools by the time we reach the street, but he's just started up the Jeep when my phone begins to ring.
"Sorry!” But he waves off my apology. I dig it out and answer in a rush when I see the number flashing on the screen. "What's wrong?"
"Oh sugar, it's your grandmother." Maggie's friendly voice is heavy with worry. "I hate to call, but she is having a fit and nothing will calm her down. Some of the things she's saying…well, they're crazy child. I think it would do her good to see you."
I close my eyes and lean back in the seat. Now isn't really a good time, but Maggie has never called me in like this before. “I can try.”
"Well, she's been throwing stuff around her room all evening, talking about you and your sister."
I grip the phone tightly as if it might spin out of my control. Nana never talks about both of us.
"I'll be there as quickly as I can." I hang up the phone and give Jude an apologetic smile.
"Is she okay?" he asks. No doubt he overheard most of our conversation.
"I honestly don't know. Maggie has never asked me to come up there before, and—”
"You go be with your grandmother," Jude interrupts. "I can handle a rain check."
"Are you sure?" I bite my lip, wondering if Amie will extend her offer to let me stay out all night tomorrow.
Jude flips on his turn signal and reverses his course, heading to my house instead. "Of course I'm certain. We might not have much family, Sunshine, but we'll stand by the ones we do."
He pulls into the driveway, then turns off the car. "Do you want me to come with you?"
I shake my head no. If Nana is talking about both of us, then I want to do this alone. After the things she said the first time I took him to see her, I'm more than a little apprehensive about what she'll reveal regarding my past.
He nods in understanding. "I'll check on little man. Will you call me when you get home?"
"Yes," I promise him, entertaining the possibility that I might be back before it's too late to go to his house.
Jude grips my hip and draws me close to him. "Tomorrow night?"
“Absolutely,” I breathe. He kisses me senseless, leaving me with a reminder that no matter what tonight holds, he'll be there in the morning.
The few earthly possessions that Nana has held onto over the years are scattered on the floor. A photo album. A lump of clay one of us painted for her birthday. Clothes are strewn across her bed. In the corner a picture of my grandfather lies in shattered ruins. Maggie wasn’t exaggerating when she called me.
“I’m sorry, sugar,” Maggie says as we stand in the doorway and survey the destruction. “The doctors thought about giving her something to calm her down, but I thought we should try having you come up here first.”
At least she’s no longer throwing things around. Instead, she sits in her rocking chair staring out the window, crying softly to herself.
I cross to her, careful not to step on any of her possessions. Kneeling in front of her I take her hand. “Nana,” I call to her in a soft voice.
“Oh, she’s dead. She’s dead,” she murmurs tearfully.
I swallow hard and force myself to ask, “Who’s dead?”
“She’s dead, she’s dead,” she repeats. “I couldn’t help her.”
She turns her tearful face to mine. Reaching out she strokes her brittle hand down my cheek. “I’m so sorry about your sister.”
I take a deep breath and place my hand over hers. Pressing it to my cheek, I close my eyes. “I’m right here, and she’s in Los Angeles.”
It’s a lie. I have no idea where my sister is. The last time I saw her she mentioned California, so it’s as good a guess as any. There are plenty of drugs for a pretty girl in the Golden State.
“No, she’s dead.”
The firm determination in her words paralyzes me. Sitting back on my heels I search her face and find recognition. This isn’t her trapped in the past. She’s here with me now. “Nana, what are you talking about?”
She turns and points to her dresser. It takes all the strength in me to stand up and walk to the open drawer. Most of its contents are hanging out or dumped on the ground, but there’s one folded piece of paper waiting ominously inside. I fumble as I open it and read. My world spins around me, and I catch myself against the chest of drawers.
I don’t need to make out much past the first line.
Rushing back to my grandmother, I hold it out as my hand shakes. “When did you get this? How long have you had this?”
“I’m sorry. What is it?” she asks. Calm absence has settled over her features.
I won’t get any answers from her tonight, but the paper I’m holding is answer enough. I fold it back into thirds and then once more for good measure. Tucking it into a pocket in my purse where no one will find it.
If Maggie hadn’t called this evening ...
But I can’t let myself think about that. I go through the motions of straightening her room. By the time, I’m done she’s asking who I am. I’m just another nameless face to her.