“I’ve had a hard time accepting everything that happened because it hurt me so much. When I said I loved you, I meant it. The idea of you not meaning it…hurts me more than I can put into words. The fact that any of it was a lie hurt. But you’re right, I’m not so innocent. I didn’t start off this relationship in the right way. I kept you as a prisoner for most of it. So…I’m just as guilty. You did what you had to do to survive. And I respect that.” His hands released my arms and moved to my waist. His fingertips dug into me the way they used to, with desperate need and unbridled passion. “I know I was an ass to you. It’s hard for me to forgive someone when they cross me…just a mentality I have.”
“But you know I didn’t mean to cross you. I told Joseph not to come—”
“I know. And you saved Ariel when you didn’t have to. You saved me. I know. I’m just a stubborn man.”
“Very stubborn man.”
He didn’t smile, but his eyes lit up slightly. “I thought I could forget about you and move on with my life, but I can’t. That’s why I’m here. I left Scotland without thinking any of this through…unsure what my goal was. But now that I’m here, I know exactly why I flew across the world to see you.” He pressed his body farther into me, sandwiching me against the wall. He rested his forehead against mine and looked down at my lips. It was dark and cold, but the combination of our bodies kept us warm.
“Then what do we do?”
“I don’t know,” he whispered.
“My life is here. Your life is there. It’s already so complicated.” When I was in Scotland, I would have stayed if he asked me to. But I moved on from that possibility and settled in New York, assuming that’s where my future was.
“I know. But we’ll make it work…somehow.”
“How?” I pressed. “Because it can’t go back to what it was. I’m not gonna sit in my room all day until you’re done with work. I need my own life, my own goals. I need to be a free woman, not someone at your beck and call. We need a new start, one where my conditions are met.”
He stepped back so I could see his face. “Start over?”
“Yes. You know, where we go on dates and get to know each other. Not where you boss me around all day. I need to be my own person.”
“So…you would live somewhere else?”
“Preferably.”
“Okay…does that mean you’re giving me another chance?” He looked at me with hope in his eyes.
When I said I wasn’t coming back, I meant it. But now that I was looking at Crewe, getting lost in his scotch-colored eyes, I didn’t want to say no. I didn’t want to be stubborn. “I’m willing to forgive and forget if you are.”
The smile that was in his eyes finally reached his lips. He came closer to me, his hands gripping my sides once again. He pressed his lips to my forehead and gave me an affectionate kiss, an action that contradicted his nature. “Forgive and forget.”
“It’s not much, but this is what I call home.” We entered my small apartment, and I left my jacket by the door. I was still in my scrubs, so I didn’t exactly look my best. I usually wore a tight dress—exactly what Crewe liked.
He didn’t look around, his eyes on me. “It’s nice. Smells like you.” He slid off his thick jacket and placed it next to mine on the coat hanger. His strong shoulders came into view through his t-shirt, as well as the rest of his powerful physique.
I suddenly remembered I hadn’t even washed the sheets from the night before with Roy. And he was still under the impression we were hooking up tonight. It was three in the morning, so maybe he already went home.
But what if he didn’t?
“You want anything to drink?” I walked into the kitchen to stall, needing to keep him away from my bedroom. Crewe probably wouldn’t know some other man had been there just hours before he arrived, but that felt deceitful. I would never want to hop into a bed another woman had just rolled around in.
“Scotch, if you have it.” He took a seat on the couch.
I didn’t, but I probably wouldn’t offer it to him even if I did. “How about water?”
“I guess that’ll do.” I carried two glasses to the coffee table and sat beside him, feeling my heart race as fast as it did when I spotted him on the sidewalk.
Crewe looked at me, looking like a handsome man I’d found in a bar. He didn’t look like Scottish royalty, like a man who’d inherited a castle and a lifetime of wealth. He just looked like a man I’d given my heart to. His hand moved to my thigh, his strong fingers squeezing my muscle gently. The look he gave me wasn’t nearly as intense as it normally was, but it hinted at the old affection he used to show me. It was the first time I looked at him and didn’t see the anger on his face. “You want to head back with me tomorrow?”
“Back to Scotland?”
“Yeah. If you need some time to wrap up things with your job, I can wait. I can do most of my work from my laptop.”
He expected me to drop my life and take off with him again—typical. “I have a life here now, Crewe. I have a job I like, and I’m starting classes again in the fall. I said I wanted to start over, not go back to how we were.”
His gaze turned searing, pregnant with disappointment. “Then how do you expect to do this? You know I can’t move here.”
“And I can’t move there either.”
His eyes narrowed even further. “You were prepared to live there when you stayed in Scotland.”
“I know. But you let me go. I meant what I said, Crewe. That was your only chance. You had four weeks to change your mind, but you didn’t.”
He pulled his hand off my thigh, his gaze turning hostile. “Now look who’s stubborn.”
I let the jab wash over my skin. “I’ve already sacrificed enough for you, in case you’ve forgotten. How would you feel if I asked you to walk away from your business, your home, and your friends just because I said so? I know you, Crewe. You couldn’t give up your life the way I gave up mine. You would never be happy.”
“Well, I won’t be happy with you living all the way here by yourself.”
“I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me.”
“Now that I’ve seen you walk home alone at night, I don’t believe that.”
“If you attacked me, I would have stabbed you in the eye.”
“And I would have taken you just like I did last time,” he said coldly.
This conversation was taking a steep nose dive. “Those are my terms, Crewe.”
“If this is a relationship, we both get terms.”
“Yes, you’re right. But I’m not leaving. I’m finishing school like I planned.”
“And how will we see each other?”
“When I have breaks, I’ll fly out and see you. When you have time, you can fly out and see me.”
Now he looked like he wanted to strangle me. “Is this a joke? I’m not doing a long-distance relationship. Those never work. I want you in my bed every single night. I want us to be together, not on different continents. Your stubbornness is annoying.”
I scoffed. “You’re one to talk.”
Crewe clenched his jaw tightly. “You’re a bright woman. You know your plan is unrealistic and unattainable. That’s not a relationship. That’s a long-distance booty call. I’m always down for a hookup, but not like this.”
I wasn’t stupid. I knew what I was offering was a little ridiculous. But I was tired of being the one to sacrifice everything for the relationship. I gave up six months of my life for this man. I wasn’t giving up anything else. “I don’t have a better idea.”
He leaned back into the couch and sighed, his annoyance filling up the apartment like the heater on a cold day.
I didn’t look at him because I didn’t want to see his anger. I’d looked at it enough times.
He sat up again. “What do you need, exactly?”