Pulling away from Maddie, I wiped away my tears as she gave me a small encouraging smile.
“You must be hungry,” she said, changing the topic. I was grateful for her understanding. I nodded and placed my palm over my stomach.
“A little,” I replied.
“Okay. Sit tight. I will bring you your breakfast.”
“Wait,” I called when she was near the door. Maddie stopped and faced me again.
Biting on my lips nervously, I push the few strands of hair away from my face. “Where is Lena?” I asked, finally voicing the question that I had been dreading to ask.
Maddie lost her smile. “Mom is downstairs. When I go down, I will let her know you are awake. She will come up so fast that you will not have time to blink.”
“Is she angry?” I knew I disappointed and hurt them with my actions. But I didn’t want Lena to be angry at me.
Maddie quickly shook her head, her eyes going wide at my question. “No,” she gasped. “Never. Ayla, Mom was so worried. She will be happy that you are awake. She can never be mad at you.”
“Okay,” I replied, my heart settling in a steady pace again.
Maddie gave me another smile and then winked. “I will be right back.”
“Okay.”
Chapter 35
I avoided looking near the tub as I turned off the light and walked out of the bathroom. It was spotless clean but I didn’t want the memories to come back.
Walking over to my bed, I sat down on the edge. The sun was setting and it cast a light orange glow into the room, filling it with serenity.
Even though I had spent most of the day sleeping, I still felt tired. After Maddie had brought me breakfast, Lena had come up. The look on her face had broken my heart. She scolded me. She cried. We cried together.
And afterwards, she pulled me down on the bed and her sweet singing voice had lulled me to sleep. Her hands were patting my hair comfortingly and as I fell asleep, a small smile had stretched across my lips.
Maybe Alessio was right.
Maybe I was loved. I desperately wanted to believe it.
A knock at the door snapped me out of my thoughts. “Yes?” I called out, glancing toward it.
The door slowly opened and I gaped when I saw Nikolay walking in.
“How are you feeling?” he asked, his tone impassive as always.
“Okay…”
What was he doing here?
“Are you really?” He cocked his head to the side in question as he stared at me expectantly. I placed my hands on the bed and absently traced patterns on it. His presence made the room look smaller and his dark intense stare caused a shiver to run down my spine.
“I’m…feeling better,” I corrected myself. He nodded and kept his eyes on me. Nikolay looked thoughtful for a second before he walked forward and came to a stop in front of me.
Droplets of sweat trickled down my back as my nervousness grew. Why was he here? Did he come to taunt me? The thought made me cringe.
We stared at each other in silence and then he moved. Keeping his eyes on me, he took off his suit jacket and laid it on the chair beside him. My eyes widened when I saw him starting to unbutton his white dress shirt.
“What…are…”
“Do you know how I got this scar?” he asked, bringing a hand up to point at his face. I tore my eyes away from his chest and looked up. His eyes were blank, but his lips had thinned into a hard line.
Most of the time, I didn’t even pay attention to the scar on his face. It was likely because I had always avoided looking at his cold and angry face. But now that he pointed at his scar, I stared at it. The scar ran from his right eyebrow and down to his chin. It was deep and looked like a puckered slash.
It must have hurt a lot. I winced at the thought, but I wondered how he got it.
When I finally shook my head at his question, he nodded and continued to unbutton his shirt. Nikolay turned away from me, giving me his back as he faced the opposite wall. In a flash, he had his shirt removed.
Bringing my hand up, I covered my mouth as I gasped at the sight.
“Oh my God,” I breathed.
His back was covered with scars. They looked old, but none of them had faded away. Some were long and deep. The agony he must have gone through.
I saw his back muscles bunch as his body tensed at my gasp. Nikolay turned back toward me and I let out a whimper, this time tears blinding my vision.
His chest and stomach were covered in scars too.
“How?” I croaked.
“Six years ago, I was taken by Italians. They held me captive for almost four weeks, torturing me day and night. They wanted information.”
My heart stumbled at his words and I tried to calm my breathing. The Italians? Oh God. No. Not another one.
How many people did my family destroy?
“Did you? I mean, did you say anything?” I whispered, keeping my gaze on his scarred chest.
When I heard him scoff, my eyes snapped up. He looked at me like I had lost my mind. Shaking his head, he sighed. “No, Ayla. I didn’t spill anything. I would take a bullet for Alessio. Do you really think I would betray him?”
No, I didn’t think he would betray him. Nikolay was cold and hard. He appeared unfeeling, but from what I had seen during my short time here, he was loyal. And protective of Alessio.
When he said he would take a bullet for Alessio, I believed him. He looked proud when he uttered the words.
“I was barely alive when Alessio and the others found me. Because of severe blood loss, nerve damage, and brain swelling, I was in a coma for three weeks.” Nikolay paused and took a deep breath. “When I woke up, I had to learn how to walk again. And two days after, I was diagnosed with PTSD.”
My heart broke at his confession. I never expected this. Even though his expression had hardened, I saw a flash of pain in his eyes. And the tears that had built up in mine fell freely down my cheeks. Nikolay’s eyes widened at the sight of my tears and I saw his throat move almost painfully when he swallowed hard.
“Nightmares, hallucinations, deep anger, depression, and self-loathing. They became a constant in my life,” he continued, his eyes shifting away from mine.
His pain spoke to me. Because I knew what it felt like.
“I remember pointing a gun at my temple, wanting to end it all,” he said.
No.
“But Alessio talked me out of it. Viktor. Phoenix. Artur. Lena. They were all there. They cared. I’m alive today because of them,” he said.
When his expression softened, the cold look disappearing from his face, I sucked in a deep breath.
“You must be wondering why I’m telling you this?” He let out a harsh laugh before shaking his head. “I’m telling you this because I want you to know that I understand. Whatever you are going through, I understand. We understand. Nobody is perfect in this mansion. Some of us have painful pasts while other have less painful pasts. But we know. We understand. And we want to help.”
Nikolay was man of few words and for him to say this to me, it took my breath away.