And I started to see her slowly fall asleep. Her green eyes closed, her breathing even and soft as she succumbed to her tiredness and sleep.
Placing my laptop back on the coffee table, I pushed myself up and stepped toward Ayla’s sleeping form. I took the book out of her grasp and placed it beside my laptop. Leaning down, I carefully wrapped an arm behind her back and the other behind her knees. I gently pulled Ayla up and cradled her to my chest, making sure that she didn’t wake up.
She moaned sleepily, but then laid her head on my shoulder. Her eyes were still closed and I was sure she was still asleep.
I walked into her room and placed her down on the bed. Ayla immediately curled into herself as I pulled the covers over her body. I stepped away and stared at her sleeping face.
She looked so fragile. Small. A sense of protectiveness coursed through my body.
Taking a deep breath, I tried to calm my racing heart. I gave Ayla a final glance, and walked away, softly closing the door behind me.
I should have been more careful with her since the beginning. I shouldn’t have let myself get in so deep. And now it was too late.
Chapter 37
Ayla
“I still remember it clearly. He was acting all bad-ass but then the next minute, he was on the ground.” Maddie laughed. She was sprawled next to me on my bed, while I was on my side facing her.
“Yeah?” I smiled at her story.
It’d been three days since I broke down and cut myself. And I had been trying to understand myself during these last three days.
I was barely left alone. Maddie was with me most of the time. If she wasn’t, then it was Lena. And I spent most of my evenings with Alessio.
That was the best time of my day. Every night, I eagerly waited for the time when I would go to the piano room. After dinner, I would go in and wait for Alessio. I would play the piano while he silently gazed at me from afar. And then I would read while he worked on his laptop.
These moments were filled with peacefulness. I was thankful for they kept me grounded.
“Yup. And Alessio was just standing there laughing his ass off too. But Viktor being Viktor, stood up and acted like nothing happened,” Maddie’s voice broke through my thoughts.
“Hmm,” I hummed with a smile. She was always telling me stories about her childhood, the time she spent with Viktor and Alessio. And they always made me laugh. They were such a mischievous and funny trio.
Maddie opened her mouth to continue but a knock on the door stopped her. She glanced at it and called out, “Come in.”
The door opened and Milena came in. “Hey.”
She had brought me breakfast before. Taking the empty tray in her hand, she gave me a small smile. “Tell Mom I will be down soon,” Maddie told her. She nodded and started to walk away, but then stopped a few feet from my bed.
She turned back around and stared at me questioningly. “I wanted to ask you this for some time now but never got a chance,” Milena started.
At her words, my eyes widened and I started to panic.
“Why was Alessio’s suit jacket under your pillow?”
Even though I knew what she was going to ask, it still took my breath away and I swallowed hard as dread filled my frozen body.
“What?” Maddie asked incredulously beside me.
“I found Alessio’s jacket under Ayla’s pillow when I was cleaning her room a few days ago,” Milena explained, her intense gaze still on mine as she waited for my answer.
I didn’t have to turn to Maddie to know that she was staring at me in shock. I felt her stares burning holes into my skin. My panic grew with each passing second.
My fingers tightened around the comforter. Turning my head to the side, I stared at Maddie in alarm, begging her with my eyes to save me from this.
She must have seen the desperation in there because her face turned hard and she glared at Milena.
“That’s none of your business. Leave,” she ordered harshly. Milena glared back and then huffed in annoyance before walking away and closing the door harder than usual.
Maddie turned her head toward me again, her eyes softening as she stared at me expectantly. “Ayla, what were you doing with Alessio’s jacket?” she asked.
“Maddie…” I looked away. I couldn’t bring myself to lie to her. Not after everything she had done for me.
Swallowing hard, I looked back up into Maddie’s understanding eyes. She understood me. And she had been there for me when I needed her the most. Maybe she would understand this time too.
“You don’t have to—”
“I sleep with it,” I said.
Maddie’s mouth hung open in shock as she stared at me with wide eyes. “What?” she sputtered.
“I sleep with it.” My fingers were entwined tightly together, my knuckles almost white. “It keeps the nightmares away.” My voice was small, as shame and embarrassment took over my body.
Maddie must think that I am pathetic, I thought as tears blurred my vision.
“Alessio’s jacket keeps your nightmares away?”
I nodded, and then felt her hand on my shoulder.
“Ayla, look at me,” she urged.
I stared into her compassionate, hazel eyes. They were free of judgement, instead glowing with understanding.
“Ayla, is that why you got the nightmare three nights ago? Was that the trigger? Because you didn’t have the jacket?”
I felt the color drain from my face as my body went numb, my muscles coiling tightly at her words. “Yes.” It was hard to say the word and I sucked in deep breaths, trying to calm my racing heart.
“Oh, Ayla. Come here.” Before I could move, she had pulled me closer, her arms wrapped tightly around my shoulders. She moved her hand up and down on my back, soothingly, as I choked back a sob. “Let it out. I’m here.”
It felt good to be finally be understood. To have a shoulder to cry on.
I didn’t cry this time, though. Blinking the tears away, I just let Maddie hold me and offer me comfort.
Palming my cheeks, she made me look straight into her eyes. “I’m going to ask you something. Answer me honestly, please,” she started. I swallowed hard at her confession, but nodded. “Is it his jacket that keeps the nightmares away, or is it him?”
My heart stumbled at her words and I closed my eyes. The truth was evident. I didn’t want to believe it. I didn’t want to acknowledge it, but it was right there and I couldn’t hide from it anymore.
“Him,” I whispered, my voice hoarse from my tears.
It was the truth. Alessio brought me peace. He was the one who made it all go away. He gave me life. He was the one who made me…feel.
Alessio was my peace.
Opening my eyes, I stared at Maddie, only to see her giving me a wobbly smile. “That’s all I wanted to know. Why don’t you tell him?”
“No!” I said, my voice cracking. Shaking my head, I grabbed her arms. “No. You can’t tell him. Please, promise me. Don’t tell him. You can’t.”
I was panic-stricken, fear building inside my body.
Alessio couldn’t find out. He couldn’t. I didn’t want him to think differently of me. I didn’t want him to think that I was stupid or pitiful.