Rushing back inside, I dressed in a pair of skinny jeans and an off-the-shoulder blouse. I put on a bit more makeup than usual and took my time fixing my hair. I was crossing my fingers and hoping everything went well between Xavier and me, but making myself look nice and reminding him of what was at stake couldn’t hurt.
I rehearsed what I would say on my trek to the coffee shop. I broke my specifics down into bullet points, which made my presentation both easier to remember and — hopefully — easier to digest. Still, my palms sweated as I got off the train and walked to the spot.
I was a few minutes early, which was good. This way, I’d get a little bit more time to breathe before Xavier arrived. The place swarmed with people. I ordered two black coffees and snagged a tiny table for two by the window.
Just as I sat down, Xavier appeared on the other side of the glass. He didn’t notice me watching him. I kept my eye on him as he walked along the sidewalk and entered the shop. Everything about him was strong and confident. The way he dressed. The way he carried himself. But was he really that way? Or was it all just a facade? Was there a secret dark side to Xavier Fields? A sad side? And if I asked, would he show it to me? Would he let me help him manage it?
Xavier came through the front door and looked around. Our eyes locked and the air in the whole place seemed to change. It was still there: that undeniable chemistry. And no matter what happened between us, I knew it would always be there.
He walked to me with his gaze still on mine. No words were said as he took the seat across from me. I gently nudged his coffee cup toward him. “You like it black, right?”
“Thank you.” He looked at the coffee but didn’t touch it. On my side of the table, my own coffee sat abandoned. I’d yet to take a drink.
Xavier pulled at the cuffs of his suit and sat up straighter. “How have you been?”
“Good,” I answered in a stilted voice. “You?”
It felt like we hadn’t seen each other in months. Xavier cleared his throat and adjusted his weight in the chair. I thought I was uncomfortable, but Xavier looked like he was about to tear his hair out.
Bullet points. I needed to remember my bullet points. A to B to C. I was assertive. I knew who I was and what I was doing. I needed to remember that.
“I quit my job at Crumbs.”
Xavier’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “You did?”
I nodded, feeling a bit of excitement over getting to share the news with him. “Dan wanted me to work a double, and I couldn’t. He threatened to fire me—”
“That asshole,” Xavier seethed.
“So I just quit. I threw my apron down on the floor and walked out.”
“You’re kidding me.”
I shook my head and giggled. “Nope. It felt pretty good.”
Xavier’s eyes sparkled. “Wow. I’m proud of you. You’re better than that place.”
“Thanks. Anyway, that whole thing got me thinking… the reason I quit was partly because of you. Thanks to you, I mean. You telling me that I need to stand up for myself and speak my mind more really influenced me.”
Xavier’s face softened. “Good. I’m glad. You don’t deserve that kind of treatment, Riley. To have people walking all over you...” He trailed off, his eyes glazing over.
“I know,” I agreed. “Which is also why I needed to talk to you.”
Xavier’s eyes came back into focus as he looked at me. “Yes. The last couple weeks have been… intense.”
“Agreed. It’s not what I’d been expecting.”
He nodded. “Me neither.”
“But I’ve liked it. I like being with you. But I can’t help but wonder… I mean, sometimes it seems like something’s going on with you. It seems like something is wrong.”
One corner of Xavier’s mouth twitched. “What are you suggesting?”
“I don’t know what I’m suggesting. It just seems like there are two sides to you.” I laid my palms flat on the table. Now that I was on a roll, talking about this was a lot easier than I had anticipated it would be. “Okay, for instance, the other night you showed up at Crumbs and basically acted like you had a right to step in and interfere with my job.”
Xavier opened his mouth to respond, but I quickly went on.
“Which is a whole other conversation. I’m not complaining about that. You were right about Dan, and you were right about that job. What I’m saying is, you took me home with you that night, and everything was great, but you were distant the next morning. Something must have happened. What were you doing up in the middle of the night? I heard your voice. Were you talking on the phone?”
Xavier’s features tightened more and more with each word I got out. He was becoming defensive. I could already tell he wasn’t going to reveal the full truth of whatever was going on with him. I needed to try a different tactic.
“You don’t have to tell me what’s up, of course, but I want you to know that I’m here if you need me. To talk. Or even just to listen. I don’t have to say anything if you don’t want me to.”
Xavier’s top teeth slowly pierced his bottom lip. He gave one languid nod, looking like he was thinking things over. I waited, listening to my heartbeat overpowering all the other sounds of the coffee shop.
Xavier’s words slipped out slow and thick. “I appreciate your concern. There has been a lot going on at work. What you’ve observed happened to be the result of that stress.”
It was a lie. I saw it on his face. It was in the way he couldn’t hold eye contact for more than one second. The fact that he couldn’t trust me with even a little bit of the truth stung like hell. We’d known each other for only a short time, but my days with Xavier had been filled with more excitement and passion than I’d ever known. To shut me out like this was unjust. Whatever was wrong, I could help with, if only he would let me.
“Is that all?” I asked.
Xavier bristled at the question. “Yes. That’s all.”
If he said so, there was no point in continuing to question him. I’d only push him away.
I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and cleared my throat. I was getting nervous again. I needed to hurry up and do what I came here to do before I chickened out. “There’s something else I want to say. I understand if things are stressful with work right now, but I think it’s a bad sign that it’s impacting our interactions so early on.”
I was using phrases that sounded too big for me, and they were. This part of the speech I’d rehearsed in my head twenty times while on the train ride over here. Xavier seemed to know something like this was going on. He watched me with a stony face, suspicion in his eyes.
I kept going. “You were hot Thursday night and cold Friday morning, and that’s not the first time I’ve seen you that way. It’s… unnerving. I don’t think anyone should have to deal with this.”