I knocked on the door and couldn’t help but smile forlornly at Alexander’s familiar bark. “Come in.”
He didn’t look up. Both he and Sebastian had their heads bowed toward their laptops. It wasn’t resentment I felt—it was pity. I was heading home to my beautiful family for the holidays and no doubt Knightley and Sebastian would spend most, if not all, of the festive season in this room surrounded by paper.
“I just wanted to call in and say goodbye before I left.” I used my best singsong voice.
Alexander’s head sprang up as I spoke, and when he saw me he stood.
“Bye, Violet,” Sebastian said. “Have a good Christmas.”
I forced an empty smile. “I see you’re busy, so I won’t keep you. Thanks for everything.” I waved and turned to leave.
“Violet,” Alexander snapped, and I froze.
“Sebastian, will you excuse us for a second?”
I hadn’t expected Alexander to ask Sebastian to leave. The last thing I wanted was to be alone with him.
Sebastian didn’t say a word. He just picked up his laptop, and I moved aside as he passed me.
I couldn’t look at Knightley.
“Violet, please close the door.”
I shook my head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. You’re very busy and I have—”
“Violet, what is the matter with you? Close the door.”
I swallowed but did as he asked as he came around from behind his desk.
“I want to kiss my girlfriend before she leaves for a few days. I thought I might get to see you last night—”
I placed my finger over his lips to silence him. I didn’t want to hear about how busy he was. I knew.
His hands slipped over my hips and I tensed. I didn’t want to feel him again. I didn’t want to be reminded of the good stuff.
“Good luck,” I said, and my heart ached as if it were being ripped from my chest. “I hope you win.”
He released me and ran his fingers through his hair. “We should, but I fear we won’t.”
He thought I meant the trial. I meant at life.
“I should have more time when you’re back. What day are you home?”
I would be home, back with my family, tomorrow. I smiled and shrugged, cupping his jaw with my hand. He looked so tired and stressed. I should tell him I wasn’t coming back to London, but I didn’t want to add to his anxiety. Not today. He might not care about me the way I cared about him, but I knew that I had eased his burden a little, and he didn’t have to find out today that I was leaving for good. The last thing I wanted to do was to leave on an argument. I didn’t want him to convince me that what he’d done was okay when it just wasn’t. I didn’t want to weaken against his gravelly accent and strong hands. If he wasn’t the man I needed him to be then I had to walk away now while I still had the strength.
“What did your letters say?” He ran his hand through his hair. “I’m so sorry about Saturday. I tried to call you yesterday but—shall I pop round tonight?”
I shook my head. “Darcy’s here and we have to be up really early.”
“Everything will calm down when this trial is over.”
He was lying. There would be another trial after this one and another after that. I couldn’t live my life wondering when he was next going to let me down.
One lie deserved another. “I haven’t opened them yet.”
He frowned but didn’t question me further. “I’ll call you later, okay?” he asked.
I nodded, but I wouldn’t answer. Not until tomorrow, when he was out of court, and I was back where I belonged.
Thirty-Two
Alexander
London was emptying. Most people had left the city at the weekend, so the stragglers who remained were few and far between.
“Thank God that’s over,” Sebastian said, his barrister bag slung over his shoulder. Those things looked ridiculous. He should put his wig and robe in his case.
“Only until the third of January,” I reminded him.
“In the meantime I’m going to remind my girlfriend and family what I look like. What are you doing for Christmas?” he asked.
I hadn’t even thought about it. I usually drove up to see my mother, but she was visiting relatives in Switzerland. “Oh, you know, the usual family thing,” I lied. Who didn’t make plans for Christmas? Perhaps I could convince Violet to have me on speakerphone for the day?
I smiled as I imagined her face. I’d tried to call her a couple of times last night but she’d not picked up. She’d said she and Darcy were going to have an early night but I thought I’d have caught her.
“Right,” I said as we entered chambers. “I’m just going to dump this”—I lifted my chin at my case—“and then head off. I suggest you do the same. I’ll see you back here on the second to prepare.”
Sebastian nodded.
I put down my case, took my laptop, and left. As I got back out into the cold December air, I realized that now I finally had some free time, I had nowhere to be. No one to see, no home to return to. My house hunting had been abandoned after I’d missed one too many calls from the real estate agent, so I was still in the hotel. Violet had gone back to America and my mother wasn’t in town. I didn’t speak to my brother from one year’s end to the next.
Across the green lawn of New Square, I waved at Craig. “Finally leaving?” he asked, racing toward me.
I nodded. “Yes. I’ll be back all too soon.”
“You’ve had an excellent year. Not least because of all the billing Violet did for you.”
“Yes, she’s been great.”
He nodded. “We’ll miss her. Even a few more weeks and I’m sure she’d have worked miracles, but she’s better off at Columbia. It’s a great opportunity for her.”
“It certainly is.” She must have been accepted there. She can’t have told him that she was also applying in London. “And you’ll have a few more weeks of her when she comes back in January.”
He frowned. “You haven’t heard? She’s not coming back—something to do with the date her course starts. Bloody shame for us, obviously.”
His words began to merge together as if they were getting sucked into a bog and I couldn’t hear what he was saying. Violet wasn’t coming back? Surely he must have it wrong. I shoved my hands in my pockets, feeling the cold metal of my phone as I twisted it, desperate to pull it out and call her to ask her what Craig was talking about.
“You okay, Mr. Knightley?” Craig asked.
I nodded. “Yeah, I just remembered something about . . . something. Forgive me, I have to go.” I sped off toward the exit of Lincoln’s Inn to find a cab. When the taxi pulled up, I gave him the address of my hotel. Where else could I go?
After pulling my phone from my pocket, I sat down and dialed Violet’s number. I’d thought she’d call before she took off or after she landed, but I hadn’t heard anything. I’d assumed it was because she knew I was busy and probably wouldn’t be able to talk for long. But maybe she’d never had any intention of calling.