“A bunch of us are going for a drink. You wanna come?” Douglas asked.
Did I? I wasn’t sure. Homework beckoned, but I didn’t want it to own me. I wanted to enjoy myself, too. I realized what I needed was balance between the future and the present. “Maybe just for an hour.”
He grinned. “Perfect. By then, you’ll be a beer in and hopefully I’ll be able to convince you to stay for the evening.”
The smile, the eye contact, the way his eyebrows pulsed when he talked—I’d seen it all before. I smiled, wanting to like him more than I did.
A group of us, wrapped in padded coats and wool hats, gloves, and scarves headed toward a bar on Amsterdam. The last time I’d been out for drinks in Manhattan had been the night Darcy had invited me to London. So much had happened since. I could never have imagined that I’d be studying again, let alone have ambitions to set up a management consultancy business.
It might never happen, but I was willing to take a risk, make an investment in the future.
“What can I get you to drink?” Douglas asked as we got inside. Pre-London Violet would have ordered a cocktail. I’d drunk wine with Alexander. Things had changed. Now I was open to something different. “Just a beer. Whatever you’re having,” I replied. Douglas and a couple of others went to the bar, while the rest of us secured a table, pulling off our outdoor clothing, already hot from coming inside.
“Thank God that’s over,” said one of the girls I hadn’t met. “Hopefully things will ease up a little next week.”
“I heard it gets worse,” the girl from California said.
Luckily, I didn’t have a long commute to contend with. I’d borrowed the money from my brother for tuition, so I wasn’t forced to take a part-time job. I would have more time than most, so the volume of work didn’t bother me. I didn’t want any spare time. Too much space meant thoughts of Alexander would filter in and that just wasn’t acceptable. Also, the last few years had been wasted. I needed to make up for lost time. I didn’t want an easy ride—I wanted to squeeze every last drop out of this experience, learn everything I could.
“Beer,” Douglas said, thumping down a huge jug of foaming alcohol on the table. Another student set down a jug and Christine, who also sat next to me in lectures, put down a tray of glasses.
“Here’s to getting drunk,” a dark-haired girl—Erin or Erica, I thought—said from across the table.
Douglas turned to me and tapped his glass against mine. “Here’s to getting drunk with you.”
I smiled. I’d have to put some distance between us. Before London I would probably have been naked with him before the end of the day, but he held no appeal. Next to Knightley, Douglas seemed like a boy. His eagerness, the way he was unable to disguise what he was thinking, it all seemed so juvenile compared to Alexander’s contained passion.
Such bright images flooded my brain whenever I thought of him. He would have finished his trial by now. He’d be on to the next thing. No doubt the files were already piling up in his office. He may even have expelled Sebastian. Life would have gone back to normal for Alexander, as if I’d never even existed.
But my life would never be the same.
Loving Knightley had enabled me to unbind myself from the shackles I’d worn since college. It had shown me that my feelings for my college boyfriend were nothing in comparison. If Alexander had betrayed me in the way David had, I would never have survived—my view of the world would have been so completely shattered. But he’d never treat me like that. Alexander was a lot of things, and he may have hurt me, but he wasn’t capable of betrayal.
Alexander Knightley had taught me what I was capable of, what I wanted, and who I was.
Thirty-Four
Alexander
I slumped into my chair. I was done.
Sebastian sat and put his head on his desk.
“Go home,” I said.
“I don’t think I’ll make it.” He sounded pathetic. The trial had been exhausting, but it was done. The leftover adrenaline would see him into a cab.
I picked up a note that had been left on my desk from Lance, asking me to pop into his office before I left for the night. I glanced at my watch. It was only three but it felt later. I’d go and see him and head back to the hotel and book a flight.
We wouldn’t get a verdict for days. Maybe longer, and I wasn’t going to hang around for it. I needed to go and find Violet. It had been nearly a week since I’d seen Darcy, and I’d been rehearsing all my arguments carefully, building my case. Now this trial was over, I just needed to find her and start fighting for her. I just didn’t know if I could win her back in a weekend. Any good barrister knows the arguments of his opponents before he hears them. I knew Violet would challenge me. She’d want to know how I could prove to her that I’d be different. How I could guarantee that I wouldn’t hurt her again. So far I had no evidence.
I stood up. “I don’t want you here when I get back,” I said and stalked out to find Lance.
His office was further along the corridor in a quiet spot with a view of the courtyard. He’d been in the same space for the last thirty years, and before that, in the room next door.
I knocked at the half-open door and stepped inside.
“Good to see you, Alex, come in,” he said.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been in this office, or any room in chambers other than my room or the clerks’ office. And of course, the admin staff’s room when I went in to drop off one of the gifts I used to buy Violet. I took a deep breath at the thought of her. I had no idea where she was or what she was doing. If she thought of me, she’d know exactly where I’d be and what I’d be working on. It seemed unfair and uneven. I couldn’t even properly imagine her—I’d never seen her on her home territory.
“Take a seat,” Lance said, lifting his chin in the direction of one of the chairs opposite his desk. “This has been a very complicated case—you must be exhausted.”
I nodded and sat, resting my arms on the mahogany arms of the chair. I was also as confident as one could be about the verdict. The arguments had presented well and the judge had seemed sympathetic. But Lance was right—I was shattered. I couldn’t remember ever feeling this tired.
“I hear from Craig that your performance has been outstanding. Lots of people have been talking about how you’re just like your father.”
It didn’t surprise me that Craig had been in to watch me. It was a crucial case in my career and one that could have broken me. It hadn’t. A flash of Violet’s smile appeared in my mind. Maybe it had.
“But I am a little worried about you,” Lance said, his brow furrowed.
Lance had been a constant mentor to me throughout my career, but I couldn’t remember him ever saying he was worried about me.