The Breakdown

‘More or less. She came in a couple of minutes after you left and said she was a friend of yours. She asked if there was anything in particular you’d been looking at so I told her you’d already bought a sleep-suit and the young couple who were here said jokingly that you’d also liked the pram, and she said it was perfect and ordered it there and then.’ She looks at me anxiously. ‘I wondered if I’d spoken out of turn because she seemed shocked when I said we were expecting our babies at around the same time but she reassured me that you’d already told her you were pregnant, she was just surprised that you’d told me.’

‘The thing is, I was so excited about possibly being pregnant that I told two of my friends and I have no idea which one sent the pram because there wasn’t a note with it. Would you be able to tell me what her name was? I’d like to be able to thank her.’

‘Of course, if you hang on a sec I’ll check on the computer. If you can just remind me of your name?’

‘Cassandra Anderson.’

‘Ah yes, here it is. Oh, there’s no name. She didn’t fill that part in.’

‘Then do you remember what she looked like?’

The Breakdown





345


She thinks for a moment. ‘Let me see – tallish with dark


curly hair. I’m sorry, I suppose that’s not much help.’

‘No, on the contrary, I know exactly who it is. Great, now I’ll be able to thank her.’ I pause a moment. ‘By the way, do you remember speaking to my husband?’

‘Your husband? No, I don’t think so.’

‘He called here the day the pram was delivered – it must have been the Thursday – because he thought the pram had been sent by mistake.’

‘I’m afraid I don’t remember that at all. Are you sure he spoke to me? Mind you, I’m the only one here during the week.’

‘I must have misunderstood.’ I smile. ‘Thank you,

you’ve been a great help.’

04 Aug 11.43

She’s just asked to meet in CW, sounded upset 04 Aug 11.50

I silent cal ed again

You going?

04 Aug 11.51

Yes but real y busy at work so hope it’s quick Will let you know what happens 04 Aug 14.28

Best news ever – she thinks your calls are coming from murderer





346


b a paris


04 Aug 14.29

What???

Maybe she is mad

04 Aug 14.29

Makes our job easier if she gets there all by herself Also managed to back up bbq story

Told her she told me she invited H&A on Sunday 04 Aug 14.30

Good work

04 Aug 14.31

Need to get back to work, speak later 04 Aug 14.38

Guess what?

04 Aug 14.39

Thought you had to get back to work 04 Aug 14.39

On my way back to car park saw her coming out of baby boutique

04 Aug 14.39

Baby boutique?

What she doing in there?

The Breakdown





347


04 Aug 14.40


Don’t ask me

04 Aug 14.40

Can you find out?

04 Aug 14.40

Don’t real y have time

04 Aug 14.40

Make time

Why would she go into baby shop?

Might be something we can use We need to use every little thing we can against her 04 Aug 14.41

OK

04 Aug 15.01

You’re never going to believe this 04 Aug 15.01

At last

What took you so long?

04 Aug 15.02

Don’t be grumpy

I bring you good tidings





348


b a paris


04 Aug 15.02

Go on

04 Aug 15.02

You’re going to be a daddy!

04 Aug 15.03

WTF???

04 Aug 15.03

Are you sure about vasectomy?

04 Aug 15.03

Of course I’m sure!

What’s going on?

04 Aug 15.03

Search me

She told woman in shop she was pregnant So have ordered you a pram 04 Aug 15.03

??

04 Aug 15.04

She fell in love with it apparently Can make her think she ordered it, like alarm The Breakdown





349


04 Aug 15.04


Not sure it will work twice

04 Aug 15.04

Worth a try

If it doesn’t can blame shop for mix-up But will need you to be home Friday for delivery 04 Aug 15.05

Ok will take couple of days off Play concerned husband Need to think how I can work pram thing 04 Aug 15.06

Wish you could spend couple of days with me ?

04 Aug 15.06

Our day will come

Btw I nipped back home and changed code on alarm With bit of luck she’ll set it off 04 Aug 15.07

She’s going to have one shit day 04 Aug 15.07

Let’s hope first of many ?

04 Aug 23.37

How did it go with alarm?





350


b a paris


04 Aug 23.38

Wish you could have been here to see it Police came out 04 Aug 23.38

She real y believed she put in wrong code?

04 Aug 23.38

Didn’t even question it

04 Aug 23.38

Taking candy from baby comes to mind 04 Aug 23.39

Incredible isn’t it?

*

06 Aug 23. 45

All set for pram arriving tomorrow?

06 Aug 23.47

?

06 Aug 23.47

Will you use pregnant thing?

06 Aug 23.47

If I can

The Breakdown





351


*


07 Aug 23.46

Thanks for the pram

07 Aug 23.46

Glad you like it

How did it go?

07 Aug 23.47

So funny

There was massive mix-up

She ordered me a garden shed as surprise Thought pram was shed at first so were talking at cross purposes 07 Aug 23.47

?

07 Aug 23.47

Don’t worry, it was fine

Said she never ordered pram so I pretended to phone shop Then threw pregnancy thing at her, said woman in the shop had congratulated me 07 Aug 23.48

What did she say?





352


b a paris


07 Aug 23.48

Woman in shop presumed she pregnant so went along with it 07 Aug 23.48

Weird! What about the pram?

07 Aug 23.49

Believes she must have ordered it 07 Aug 23.49

No way!

She’s real y screwed up

07 Aug 23.49

Best thing is managed to get her to agree to see doctor Appt tomorrow

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