Tears spill from my eyes. ‘I bought her the house
in France. As soon as she told me about it, I bought it for her. I was going to give it to her for her fortieth birthday, it was to be a surprise. I didn’t tell Matthew about it because I thought he would disapprove, as he didn’t really like Rachel – at least, that’s what I believed back then. If only she had waited – her birthday is at the end of the month.’
I should have understood how devastated Rachel felt at being left out of Dad’s will. How could I have been so insensitive? Yes, I had bought her the cottage but only because I’d been there when she’d fallen in love with it. Would I have thought of gifting her some of the money Dad left to me if she hadn’t seen the cottage?
Maybe. I hope so.
And why hadn’t I given her the cottage straight away, the minute I bought it, instead of keeping it for her birthday so that I could make a big thing out of it? For the last eighteen months, the cottage has stood empty, unused. If I had given it to her, she would have been so happy. I might still have Matthew and Jane would still be alive. At the very least, I should have told Matthew about the cottage. If I had, and he and Rachel had already embarked on their affair, he would have told her about it, she would have waited patiently for her fortieth birthday, and then, once she had her cottage, Matthew would have divorced me and, more likely than The Breakdown
411
not, tried to get some money out of me in settlement. I
would have lost Matthew – but Jane would still be alive.
*
It’s almost another hour before PC Lawson stands up to leave.
‘Does Matthew know?’ I ask, as we walk to the front door together. ‘About Rachel?’
‘No, not yet. But he soon will.’ She turns on the
doorstep. ‘Will you be all right?’
‘Yes, thanks, I’ll be fine.’
As I close the front door behind her, I know I won’t be, not yet. But one day, I will be. Unlike Jane, I have my whole life ahead of me.
Acknowledgements to follow
Title: The Breakdown ARC, Format: 126x198, v1, Output date:08/11/16