He comes into the bedroom and it takes all of my
willpower not to leap from the bed and spray hairspray into his eyes, to attack before I’m attacked. My finger, poised on the nozzle, is shaking so much I doubt I’d be able to aim properly and it’s only the thought of not being able to disable him before he overpowers me that keeps me where I am. I hear the rustle of his clothes as he undresses and force myself to breath evenly, like someone in a deep sleep. If he gets into bed and finds me trembling like a leaf, he’ll be suspicious. And tonight, my life depends on staying calm.
WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 30th
When morning comes, I can hardly believe that I’m
still alive. It seems to take Matthew an agonisingly long time to leave for work and, once he has, I dress hurriedly and go down to the kitchen, waiting for his call to come in, acutely aware that today of all days I need to play it just right. Today, more than ever, I need to be who he wants me to be.
I thought I might not feel scared, now that I know who he is, my silent caller. But knowing what he is capable of makes me more frightened, which serves me well when the phone starts ringing around nine. Because I actually spoke to him yesterday, when I asked him who he was, I know I’m going to have to say something again today or he’ll wonder why my new-found confidence has disappeared overnight. So again, I ask him who he is and then, just before hanging up, I ask him to leave Title: The Breakdown ARC, Format: 126x198, v1, Output date:08/11/16
334
b a paris
me alone with what I hope is the right amount of fear in my voice.
I have a lot to do today if I’m to unravel their web of lies and deceit so I drive straight to Hannah’s house, hoping she won’t have gone out. Fortunately, her car’s in the drive.
She seems surprised to see me so it’s only when,
looking slightly embarrassed, she asks me if I’m feeling better that I suspect Matthew has told her I tried to commit suicide. I don’t have time to ask her what exactly she’s heard so I tell her that I’m almost back to my old self, hoping that will cover it. She invites me in for a coffee and, when I refuse, telling her that I’m in a hurry, I know she’s wondering why I’ve called round.
‘Hannah, do you remember the barbecue you came
to at ours, at the end of July?’ I ask.
‘Yes, of course,’ she says. ‘We had those delicious marinated steaks Matthew bought from the farm shop.’
Her eyes light up at the memory.
‘This might sound a bit of a silly question but was it when we bumped into each other in Nicole’s that I invited you?’
‘Yes, you said you wanted to have us around for a
barbecue.’ She nods.
‘But did I actually tell you when? I mean, did I say to come on the Sunday?’
She thinks for a moment, wrapping her slender arms around her waist. ‘Wasn’t it the next day that you invited us? Yes, that’s right, I remember Matthew saying that The Breakdown
335
you’d asked him to phone as you were busy in the
garden.’
‘I remember now,’ I say, sounding relieved. ‘The
thing is, I’ve been having problems with my short-term memory and there are several things I’m not sure about, whether I actually forgot, or if they didn’t happen the way I think they did in the first place. That probably doesn’t make much sense, does it?’
‘In a roundabout sort of way,’ she says, smiling.
‘For example, I’ve been beating myself up over your invitation to dinner a couple of weeks ago, because I didn’t remember you inviting us—’
‘That would be because it was Matthew I spoke to,’
she interrupts. ‘I’d left a couple of messages, one on the house phone and one on your mobile and when you didn’t phone back I phoned Matthew.’
‘And then he forgot to tell me you’d asked me to
bring dessert.’ I nod.
‘I didn’t ask,’ she protests. ‘He offered.’
To give more substance to the questions I’ve just
asked, I tell her that I may have early-onset dementia and ask her not to tell anyone for the moment as I’m still trying to get used to the idea myself. And then I leave.
24 Jul 15.53
She wants to meet in Bb, sounded upset Any idea why
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b a paris
24 Jul 15.55
Man from alarm company made her nervous maybe it’s that Can you go?
24 Jul 15.55
Yes, told her I’d meet her at 6
24 Jul 15.55
Let me know if anything we can use 24 Jul 23.37
Hi, how did your meeting with her go?
24 Jul 23.37
Fine, nothing to report, said the alarm man spooked her 24 Jul 23.37
Did she tell you she bumped into Hannah?
24 Jul 23.38
Yes
24 Jul 23.38
Said she told them to come for a bbq Didn’t say when so thinking of using it 24 Jul 23.38
How?
The Breakdown
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24 Jul 23.38
Not sure
Btw told her I’m going to rig 24 Jul 23.39
How did she take it?
24 Jul 23.39
Not happy, said I’d already told her so she thinks she forgot Wrote it on the calendar in case she checks, I’m a good forger 24 Jul 23.39
Good to know!
*
25 Jul 23.54
Hi, how was your day?