“Liam, are you okay?” she asked.
Our food arrived at the table and I started eating before I could answer her. She continued to drone on about the pros and cons of opening her own practice. She talked about the branches of law she might want to try out but how there were other certifications she’d have to get before she could practice any of them. She babbled on about things she’d do to help Gwen with her business when she got back, but never once did she insinuate that we’d keep in touch once she left Gatlinburg. I reached for my wallet but Whitney jutted her hand out. She insisted on paying and I wasn’t willing to argue over such a minor point with her. She left a twenty on the table and told the waitress to keep the change. Then, the two of us headed back to my truck.
She tried to take my hand but I pulled away from her.
“Liam? What’s wrong? Was it something I said?”
“Could you take out your phone and get us back to the resort?” I asked. “I’ve got no clue where we are.”
“Yeah, sure,” she said. “Liam, did I say something wrong?”
But all I did was let out a sigh before I wrapped my hands around my steering wheel.
“Okay,” she said. “It says we should back out and go left.”
So, that’s exactly what I did. I followed every direction she gave me until the resort came into view. Then, I went into autopilot and drove us through the resort. I could feel the air in the truck growing thicker with tension but it wasn’t something I wanted to address. This was her vacation and she didn’t deserve it. The first week had been rough, with her getting lost and injuring her ankle. She’d been through a great deal in her life and worked hard to get where she had and then she was dealt a blow with the bullshit her boss asked her to do.
She deserved to get away and get her head straight but what she wasn’t allowed to do was drag someone along for the ride. She wasn’t allowed to pull someone into her gravitational orbit and keep them there just for her own pleasure. I was a person, a human being with feelings, invested in the time we spent together. And maybe this was the point. Maybe this was the world reminding me that I was a terrible person and I deserved nothing but loneliness. Maybe this was my penance for the choices I made during that bullshit deployment that forever changed my outlook on life.
But, if I got to choose the length of this punishment, then I chose the shortest amount of time available.
I pulled us up into the driveway of the cabin and quickly cut the truck off. I took out my keycard and strode for the front door as Whitney called my name behind me. I needed to pack my stuff up and get out of here. I needed to leave all of this behind before I became any more invested in the woman that was currently running up behind me.
I walked into the cabin and made my way to the bedroom but I couldn’t get there before Whitney grabbed my arm.
“What is going on?” she asked.
“I need to pack and get home,” I said.
“Why?” she asked breathlessly. “I thought… I thought we agreed last night that you’d stay.”
I rounded on her and planted my feet. “I’m more than just a fling, Whitney.”
The tone and strength of my voice even caught me off guard and I watched her take a step back from me. Her eyes widened and her breathing began to pick up. I could hear the words I’d just spoken ringing in my ears while Whitney stood in front of me and, in an instant, I knew I’d traveled down a road I could never come back from.
CHAPTER 28
WHITNEY
The tone of his voice stunned me. It was hard and crisp. He was upset at what I’d said during breakfast and I wished he had said something sooner.
“Liam, I didn’t mean it like that,” I said.
He turned his back toward me and started packing his things. I watched him zip up his suits in the travel bag before he packed his shoes and socks in his suitcase. His face was stoic. The kind of stoic it was when I’d first met him. Every single wall I’d tried to peel back from him was crashing back down and I wanted to stop the cascade before things got any worse.
“Liam, just stop for a second.”
I grabbed at his arm but he pulled away from me like my touch was fire. His brow was stern but his eyes were hurt and I had no idea how to make this any better.
“Come on,” I said. “You know I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Then how did you mean it?”
“I just meant that I needed to get away and clear my head for a while. I didn’t mean that you were just… some tool to do that with.”
“Then what am I?” he asked.
What in the world was he expecting? I’d only known him for a few days. And yes, it was fun. So much fun. I enjoyed the time we were spending together and the memories we were creating. He lit a fire in me in ways I’d never experienced before with another man. I was finally indulging in things I’d only dreamed about. I’d pushed my love life aside for years to get through law school, and then I continued to neglect it when I took that awful job and thought I could actually change the world for the better.
“You’re a wonderful man,” I said. “One I’m enjoying spending my time with. Please don’t leave.”
“Look, I’m not really sure what we thought we were doing but it’s better if this just ends now,” he said.
“Liam, you’re being ridiculous.”
“And how’s that?”
“You’re reading way too much into a conversation over breakfast,” I said.
“I don’t think I am,” he said.
“Liam, what do you want me to say?”
I looked up into his light blue eyes and I could tell he was almost gone. The way his mouth was turned down into a frown and his eyes seemed so far away. He was reaching out for his suitcase while his suits were tossed over his shoulder. I knew if I could just get him to sit down on the bed and listen—get him to just think this through—that we could spend two more glorious weeks with one another before we both had to go back to our realities.
Wait, was that the issue?
“Nothing,” he said. “You don’t have to say anything.”
He picked up his suitcase but I wasn’t ready to give up this fight. I grasped his arm and stopped him in his tracks, trying to find a way to communicate all this to him. I wanted to tell him how he made me feel. How he opened me up to a part of myself I thought was dead and buried forever. I wanted him to know how much I appreciated him and how much fun I was having with him.
Why couldn’t we just have fun together?
“You saved my life, Liam. Please stay. Please let me repay you for your kindness.”
“You don’t know the first thing about saving lives,” he said. “I didn’t save your life.”
“Yes, you did. I would’ve frozen out there in the cold and died because I wouldn’t have been able to get up. You saved me, Liam.”
I felt his muscles flexing underneath my touch but not in a good way. His entire body was pulling taut and he seemed to grow in stature. There was a darkness I recognized that was looming over him. A darkness I’d experienced that first night with him.
When he woke up screaming and had to take a shower.
“Liam, I don’t know what you expected but let me lay it out, okay? We spend two weeks together and we make all these memories. We have fun, we enjoy each other’s company, and we get to experience things we’ve never experienced before. You with the resort and me with… all of this. All of you.”
I watched him turn his head back toward me and I was praying I had his attention.
“Then what?” he asked.
“Huh?”
“What happens after those two weeks are up?” he asked.
That was the problem. It wasn’t about opening up or not wanting to open up. It wasn’t about temporary flings or being used or experiencing new things and being afraid of them. Hell, it wasn’t even about being vulnerable or naked with another person you hardly even knew.
This was about the future. About where we would both go after this was all said and done.
“Why won’t you just open up to me?” I asked.