I hummed over my dessert as it melted in my mouth. The hardened sugar on the top of my br?lée had been heated to perfection and the silky substance underneath melted on the tip of my tongue. I could tell Liam was enjoying his cake since he finished it in three massive bites and, by the time our plates were bussed away from us, we were both settling into a comfortable silence.
“Can I ask you a question about your time in the Navy if I stay away from your nightmares?” I asked.
His playful gaze slowly turned to stone and I swallowed hard while he turned the question around in his head.
“Whitney, I just…”
He turned his gaze out toward the restaurant and I was readying myself to go after him if he got up and left.
“The Navy really messed me up,” he said darkly. “It put me through things I never thought I would ever experience as a medic.”
I wanted to ask him what happened. I wanted to continue prying at this crack in his facade. But I stayed silent, hoping he could continue this train of thought.
But instead, he slowly got up from his chair.
Downing the rest of my wine, I stood as he tossed the dinner tickets onto the table. He began his walk out toward the lobby and I was hot on his heels. I didn’t want the evening to end like this. I was readying myself to apologize for broaching such a sensitive topic. It had been the perfect day and I had the perfect plans to end it sitting right underneath my dress.
He didn’t walk as if he was angry but his strides were long and it was hard to keep up.
“Liam? Wait.”
He walked all the way through the lobby and out onto a side porch before he finally stopped. My heels clacked with my movements as I rushed behind him, slowly stepping up to his side before the cold of the night draped over my naked shoulders.
“Here,” he said as he slid off his jacket.
He draped it around my body like the gentleman he was. Then he did something I didn’t expect.
He slipped his arm around my waist and held me close to his body.
CHAPTER 25
LIAM
I stood there while the frigid air swirled around us. I could feel Whitney already shaking, so I pulled her body closer toward mine. We stood on the porch, surrounded by snow and ice as the both of us stayed silent. I wanted to talk to her so badly about it. I wanted to open up about everything and tell her. She was slowly captivating every single part of me. My body. My mind. My heart. This woman was full of surprises and she took everything that was thrown at her in her stride. She never once backed down from any situation that would even remotely scare anyone else and she always seemed to have a smile to offer.
“A couple of deployments were rough,” I said. “One in particular.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.
I fell silent at her question and I could hear her sigh against my skin.
“For whatever happened, I’m so sorry, Liam.”
“It is what it is,” I said.
“For what it’s worth, I think you’re very brave. And strong. And incredibly resilient. For someone who willingly keeps themselves cooped up and deals with nightmares like you do sometimes, you seem to be handling being around people pretty well.”
I honestly wasn’t sure what to say to that. On the one hand, she was right. I was doing a little better being in a crowd of people than I thought I would. But on the other hand, I was in that crowd with her. I hadn’t suffered one single nightmare since the first night we’d shared, losing ourselves within one another. It was like her light and her innocence cleansed a small part of me, so I knew part of the reason was her. I didn’t know if I could tell her that because I really wasn’t sure how she’d react but I knew the moment this was all over, things would go back to the way they were.
The problem was, it would be harder to cope with now.
When everything happened, the nightmares were almost instant. I got home and immediately had troubles adjusting. I wasn’t sleeping well. All I was really doing was cat-napping. Crowds of people made me sweat. Training guns and booms off in the distance pulled me from the few deep sleeps I did manage. I’d yell myself awake and drench my sheets in sweat. I struggled to get back into a routine that didn’t involve me having to pull over on the side of the road and take deep breaths. Every time someone honked their horn at me, it would throw me into a frenzy.
My commanding officer forced me to take time off, which only made it worse.
Two months of sitting around and doing nothing but drinking and thinking about it didn’t help. It got to a point where I didn’t feel normal if I didn’t wake up with a drink. I’d wake up and drink beer like it was coffee. Then I’d have to drink a beer before I went to bed. It became a comfort for me. Not the drunkenness, but the euphoria that took over once the buzz set in. It cleared my mind and stopped its racing. My limbs got looser and my joints didn’t ache as much. Far away sounds didn’t seem to startle me as much when I was listening through a haze of alcohol and it made things easier.
It was the hardest habit I had to break once those two months of mandatory vacation were up.
Whitney was quickly growing to be that same type of addiction. She felt natural and necessary. Waking up with her and going to sleep with her was quickly becoming a routine I enjoyed. My mind slowed down when I was with her and my nightmares stayed at bay whenever she was around. Her touch brought me to life and made me feel like the man I had been before that disgusting fucking deployment. She grounded me in a way I hadn’t felt since before the first time I’d seen a soldier die in my arms.
And I wasn’t sure if I was willing to let that go just yet.
“That means a lot, coming from you,” I said. “Thank you.”
“Do you struggle with your nightmares often?” she asked.
“I used to,” I said. “It seems to be getting a little better, though.”
“What do you think is making them better?”
I looked down at her so I could take in the way her eyes were studying me. She was looking for something. Maybe a confession. It was as if she were readying herself for the truth. Preparing herself to weather whatever it was I had to tell her. Her eyes looked so solemn and her jaw was set with determination.
She was unlike any person I’d ever come across and I found myself lost in the sea of her eyes.
A brisk wind kicked up and, instinctively, I stepped in front of her. I wrapped my arms around her and shielded her from the cold as it beat down on my back. She curled into me, her hands grasping the fabric of my shirt as I cloaked her back with my arms.
She melted into me like butter on a flame and I placed a small kiss on the top of her head while the wind slowly died down.
“I’ve never met anyone like you before,” I said.
I watched Whitney crane her neck back before her eyes danced around my face.
“You are the most confusing, intoxicating, unique woman I’ve ever met,” I said.
“You’re unlike any person I’ve ever met, either, Liam,” she said.
“I’m not sure I want this time to end.”
Raising my finger, I brushed a small strand of hair away from her face. I cupped her cheek with my hand and she nuzzled into my palm. Was it possible she felt the same way? I’d only known this woman for four or five days. Was it possible for me to feel this strongly for someone who was still practically a stranger?
She turned her face into the palm of my hand and kissed it. I smiled down at her before she closed her eyes, relishing how my thumb traced bare areas of her skin. The wind started to kick up again, blowing around powdery snow and shaking the form of this beautiful woman in my arms.
So, I guided us back into the lobby and out of the cold.
Whitney took my hand and led us over to the roaring fireplace. We sat down on a couch right next to it before she slid my jacket off her shoulders. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. I watched every single movement she made.
I was big and stout. Muscular and broad. I lumbered along when I walked and I was always knocking up against something when I moved. But the grace her body possessed had me mesmerized. She was like a figure skater, twirling around effortlessly on the ice with every movement she took. She spread my jacket across her legs before she leaned into me and I automatically wrapped my arm around her bare shoulders and pulled her close.