I held her gaze and didn’t blink. “You’re beautiful.” It was the honest truth, and I didn’t like to lie. If she couldn’t handle it, she could leave.
Francesca was one of the few girls I met who could take a compliment without being annoying about it. She always said thank you but didn’t seem conceited about it. She had the right amount of confidence. “That’s nice of you to say.”
“You asked.”
Her hair stretched across the pillow and made her look like an exotic mermaid that just crawled out of the sea. Her eyes were the color of seaweed and they seemed to possess the secrets of the deep.
“What are you thinking about?”
She stretched her legs slightly under the sheets while she made another musical sigh. “About you beating off in the shower.” Francesca was just as honest as I was, and that was refreshing and surprising.
“Turn you on?” I gave her a smug grin.
“Yes.” She said it with complete seriousness.
My heart skipped a beat at her words.
A slight smile stretched her lips. “You asked.”
I loved her playfulness. She was classy, but not too classy. She was down-to-earth and real. She was better than a slutty girl who would give it up to anybody, and she was much better than a virgin. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever had in my bed.” That was the truth.
“Yeah?”
I nodded. “And the only girl I’ve slept with…and only slept with.”
“Because you care about me.” Affection was in her eyes.
“I care about you a lot.” More than anyone, actually. Francesca chased away the darkness when she brought the light.
“It’s hard for me to find a guy I like because I keep comparing them to you.”
That caught my attention. “In what way?”
“This connection. I’ve never had it with anyone else. Have you?”
I shook my head.
“I can’t describe it…because there are no words to describe it. Shouldn’t I have something like that with the man I end up with?” The question was rhetorical. “Every guy I go out with…doesn’t have it. We don’t click the way you and I do.”
Knowing she compared every guy to me filled me with joy—but also sadness. I couldn’t give her what she wanted even if I wanted to. I always had to keep my distance and my hands to myself. She deserved a man who wasn’t fucked up in the head like I was. But I also didn’t want to share her with anyone else. “I know what you mean.”
“I’m just glad I’m not crazy. Whenever I try to explain it to Marie, she doesn’t get it.”
“And I haven’t bothered explaining it to Axel.”
She chuckled softly. “You shouldn’t waste your time.”
“At least you and I get it.”
“Yeah…”
Whatever the hell it was. Maybe she was just a best friend. Maybe it was the first time I’d ever been able to be myself around someone. Who knew what it was. But it was there nonetheless.
My arm moved around her petite waist and I dragged her across the bed into my chest. She was half my size and easy to move around. When our skin came into contact, I immediately felt warm—but in a good way. My face was close to hers and I could smell her hair. It reminded me of a meadow in spring. Her skin was soft, and I missed the way it felt against my lips. The closeness healed my aching heart. The intimacy was something I’d never experienced before. It was the first time I’d ever been close to another human being—spiritually. Our hearts synced together and so did our breathing. I was entertained with her presence, and it had nothing to do with sex. All I wanted was her—nothing else.
“You’re so cuddly to sleep with.”
I smiled slightly. “I’m like a big teddy bear.”
“A grizzly bear.” Her arm moved around my waist and she tucked her leg between mine.
I released a quiet growl.
She chuckled. “So scary…”
“You shouldn’t be scared. But everyone else should.”
“You’re a gentle giant. You act tough on the outside, but you’re a big sweetheart on the inside.”
“What makes you say that?”
She held my gaze before she closed her eyes. “Everything about you.”
***
My phone vibrated on my nightstand three times before I realized someone was calling me. Being pulled from my dreams was painful. I was in a good place, Francesca still in my arms.
My eyes opened and I saw her hair cascaded around her face. She was dead asleep and hadn’t heard the phone. She looked small, safely cocooned in my arms. I really did feel like a grizzly bear keeping her warm from the cold.
The phone vibrated again so I snatched it and glanced at the screen. Instead of seeing one of my regulars, I saw my mother’s name.
Shit.
Not tonight.
Why did she have to call me this week?
I gently removed myself from Francesca’s side and made it down the hallway. The air was freezing in the middle of the night. The coldness seemed to leak through the cracks of the apartment.
I took the call once I was in the kitchen. “What?”