Hawke stared into my eyes like he was searching for something. He understood exactly what my affection meant. There was never a moment of misunderstanding. And it seemed like it was all he wanted too—nothing more. There was a definite connection between us but I couldn’t explain what it was. It wasn’t just physical, and it wasn’t just romantic. There was so much more there, but I couldn’t verbalize it.
Hawke eventually closed his eyes and released a quiet sigh like he was immediately falling asleep. He seemed more at peace than he had all day. If anything, it seemed like this was exactly what he needed but was too afraid to ask for.
CHAPTER NINE
Hawke
I loved having Francesca around.
She cooked dinner for me every night, and it was nice to have something besides Top Ramen. She told me about her day, and I didn’t just watch her lips move. I hung on to every word she said. Most of the time, I couldn’t remember anything a girl said besides, “Fuck me.”
And she listened to everything I had to say. When she asked me about my day, it seemed like she really wanted to know. The second she walked through the door, she had a smile on her face like she was happy to see me. And when we slept together, we never stayed on our sides of the bed. Our bodies wrapped around each other like we never wanted to let go.
Our relationship was unusual, and if I told anyone about it, they wouldn’t understand. She was just my friend, but she was so much more than that. But she wasn’t my girlfriend either. My heart seemed to beat in tune to hers. She understood me at a level no one else ever had. And the weirdest part was…I didn’t even need to tell her about myself.
She just knew.
I wasn’t sure what was going on anymore. All I knew was I liked having her around and I never wanted it to end. If I just kept things the way they were, I could always have her. When she told me she went on dates, it bothered me. But I couldn’t think that way. I went out and did my own thing so I didn’t have any right to be hurt.
I knew I cared about her—and I didn’t just want to fuck her.
Sure, that would be nice. But other things stole my focus, like talking over dinner and screaming at the TV during a baseball game. It somehow healed me…fixed me.
When I came home from work, she was already in the kitchen. “What are you making now?” I set my bag by the door and loosened my tie.
“Lasagna.”
“Ooh…sounds good.” I felt like we were a married couple in the fifties. I wanted to walk over to her and give her a kiss. But I wasn’t stupid enough to do that. “I’m going to take a shower.”
“It’ll be out by the time you’re finished.”
After I showered and dried my hair with a towel, I changed into shorts and a t-shirt and entered the kitchen.
She was seated at the table, texting on her phone.
“I’m not naked this time.”
She grinned before she looked up at me. “Thank you. I didn’t want to throw up my dinner.”
“Like you would have thrown up.” I sat across from her. “You would have grabbed your phone and taken a picture.”
She pressed her lips tightly together like she was trying not to laugh. “You must be pretty well-endowed down there to talk like that…”
“Very.” I held her gaze as I said it. Most girls wanted to screw me for that reason alone. “Would you like to see for yourself?”
“Maybe some other time.” She dug into her food and her phone lit up. She checked it before she quickly set it down.
I took a bite and immediately loved it. “This is awesome.”
“Thanks.” She smiled every time I gave her a compliment like she really appreciated it. Her phone went off again and she checked it. This time, she turned it off.
That caught my attention. “Someone bothering you?”
“No…it’s a long story.” She kept her gaze glued to her plate.
“Well, I have all night.” The protective side of me came out, my head low and ready for a charge.
“You remember that guy I told you about?”
There were several. “The most recent one?” I never bothered to remember their names. They were insignificant.
“Yeah.”
“What about him?”
“He wanted to go out again but I said no. Then he came by the house and I wasn’t there so he talked to Marie, and she told him I was staying with you…” She released a long sigh. “He wasn’t happy about that part.”
“It’s not like he’s your boyfriend, right?”
“No, not at all. We went out one time.”
“Sounds like a dickhead.”
She smirked. “Yeah, he does, doesn’t he?”
“I can take care of him.” I snatched her phone.
“Whoa, hold on.” She snatched it back. “I don’t need anyone to fight my battles for me. I told him I didn’t want to go out with him again. If he wants to waste his time blowing up my phone, he can knock himself out.” She set the phone back on the table. “But I’m not going to listen to it.”
I still wanted to break his neck.
“Don’t get all over-protective.” She rolled her eyes at me.
“It’s my job.”
“How do you figure?”
“I’m your best friend. I’m supposed to look after you.” I didn’t realize what I said until the damage was done. I’d never had a best friend in my life, but now I realized she was the first. She wasn’t just a friend. She was more than that. But she wasn’t my lover either.