She covered her mouth to hold back her own sobs. Dropping her hands, she went to talk but I held up my hands.
“Don’t! Please don’t say something you think will make it better, Mom. Please.” I fiercely wiped my tears away as I looked out the window and then back at her. “That’s the whole thing though . . . I know everyone is starting to think he’s gone.” My chin trembled as I tried to keep talking. “He doesn’t feel gone, Mom. Wouldn’t I . . . wouldn’t I feel it if he was . . . gone?”
Horror filled her eyes as she looked at me with pity. “Oh sweetheart, I wish I could answer that for you.”
I buried my face in my hands and screamed as she wrapped me in her arms. “I can’t live without him. I don’t want to live without him,” I cried out while she pulled me closer to her.
It was then I felt more arms around me. Dropping my hands, I saw Libby.
“Libby,” I barely said while my mother stepped away and Libby held me in her arms as I cried.
Her hand moved lightly across my back as she softly repeated the one thing no one had told me I could do.
“Taylor, let it out. Just cry and let it out.”
My emotions were beginning to mix together. I wasn’t sure if I was angry or sad. My throat and my chest ached. Looking at her, I shook my head. “He promised me, Libby. He promised me!” I shouted.
Standing, I began to pace across the room. “He was my everything and he’s gone. How am I supposed to go? I can’t go on! Damn it, I don’t want to go on without him.” Tears began to stream down my face as Libby wiped hers away. “He’s gone and I feel so lost.” A sob escaped from my lips as Libby stood up. Holding my hand up to stop her, I shook my head. “I don’t know who to be angry with! If one more person tells me everything will be fine, I’m going to punch them!”
“Grace. We can use Grace for that,” Libby said.
My eyes widened in surprise as I let Libby’s words sink in. “I think Meagan would be the better choice. She used to steal my make-up all the time.”
Libby cracked a small grin. “It’s okay to be angry.”
My lips trembled. “I don’t know what I am, Lib. All I know is I feel so lost without him.”
Libby took me in her arms as we sank back to the bed.
I wasn’t sure how long Libby had stayed in Jase’s room with me. We sat on his bed in silence as I stared out into the darkness.
“Mireya really wants to see you, Taylor. Can you come downstairs and see her?”
With a slack expression, I nodded and slowly stood up. My feet felt so heavy as I followed Libby downstairs.
Mireya was sitting next to Layton and Walker on the couch watching a movie. She was such a little flirt and I couldn’t help but smile when I saw her sitting between them.
When she turned and looked at me, I could see the confusion on her face.
She jumped up and called out, “Tay Tay!”
I forced a smile and dropped down to catch her in a hug. “Hey, princess. Are you watching a movie?”
She nodded her head. “Yep. With Wayton and Walker. I gonna marry Walker!”
My eyes snapped up to Luke who moaned. “I’m not ready for this at all.”
With a chuckle, I turned back to Mireya. “Oh, sweetheart, I hate to tell you this, but Walker has a wife.”
Mireya peeked over at Liza and blushed. “Tay Tay, I love you!”
When her little arms wrapped around my neck something happened. The sadness was still there and weighed heavy on my heart, but something else was there as well.
Something I hadn’t seen until I looked into the eyes of my best friend’s daughter.
Hope.
Taylor
A few hours later, Luke buckled a sleeping Mireya into her car seat while I kissed Libby goodbye. Trey had already fallen asleep a couple hours earlier and was safely tucked into his car seat.
Turning to Luke, I hugged him and kissed his cheek. “Thank you for bringing the kids. They were exactly what I needed.”
“We love you, Taylor and there isn’t a damn thing we wouldn’t do for you.”
I nodded. “I know.”
“Let me know if you need anything, okay?” Libby said as she got into the truck.
“I will.”
With a barely-there smile, she took my hand in hers. “I love you, Tay.”
Stumbling on my words, I tried to grin. “Love you too.”
I watched them pull off and drive away and tried to ignore the heaviness in my chest.
Jumping when I felt hands on my shoulders, I turned to see Whitley. “It’s late, why don’t we have a cup of tea and then try and get some sleep?”
Not having the energy to argue, I agreed. My parents were staying in one of the guest rooms, but they had excused themselves right before Luke and Libby left.
Walking into the kitchen, I couldn’t help but think of when I blurted out to Whitley that Jase had asked me to marry him.
I glanced down at my engagement ring and dropped down onto a chair. “Bella?” I asked, looking at her.
She smiled and said, “Colt and Lauren have her.”
I shook my head. “I just abandoned her.”