I nod, afraid to look back into his eyes.
“You say we don’t know each other anymore, but you’ll always be the same girl I’ve always wished was mine. Your hair is still the same color of the fields when the wheat is blowin’ in the wind. Those eyes look just like the bluebonnets that grew behind your house—so deep blue they almost look purple. I’ve never seen another person with eyes like yours. When you’re mad, you still bite your bottom lip and pull your brows in. It almost looks like you’re just thinkin’ hard, but you always used to do that when you were tryin’ to keep from sayin’ somethin’ you couldn’t take back. Your freckles still refuse to go away, even under a layer of makeup. I could keep goin’, but judgin’ by the way those eyes I love so much are waterin’, I’m thinkin’ you’re wantin’ me to shut up.” He laughs deep in his chest, the vibrations tickling against my hand.
“You forgot to mention, I grew . . . well, I grew up.”
“Yeah, darlin’, you did, but you’re still just little Leigh to me. I want you, Leigh. I want what’s inside of you that has always pulled me in and made me feel like I was the only man in the world. I want the peace that you bring about me, calming me all the way to my core with just a glance. I want your laughs, your tears, your smiles, your snores, and your moans. I want everythin’ that I didn’t dare think I deserved to hope for when I lost you because I was too focused on my own selfish pride. I want to know that everythin’ I did in the past, all those regrets, don’t mean I lose you all over again. I want you, regardless of what the outside looks like, darlin’. I promise you, I will make sure not one damn day goes by that you don’t know without a single doubt that I’m here fightin’ for you . . . fighting for us. I want you now, same as I wanted you then, because it’s our time to have what we were always meant to have. Each other.”
“This scares me so much, Maverick. If I let myself believe that you’re being honest with me . . . I’m givin’ you the power to crush me again.”
“God, sweetheart, I know, but you aren’t alone. Give us a chance, Leigh. I hear you, darlin’, I do. Come on and go for a ride with me and let me show you how good I am at makin’ sure nothin’ bucks us off. We’ll take the time to get to know each other as adults and see where it goes from there. Take the time so that you can truly see what I’m tellin’ you is the truth.”
“Are you asking me to go steady, Maverick?” I laugh, swallowing down the emotion climbing up my throat at his words, trying to lighten the mood, but the seriousness in his expression makes me trail off until I’m left just staring into his eyes.
“I’m askin’ you to give me a chance to make you mine. I’m prayin’ you’ll give me that so I can prove to you that I deserve to, how did you put it? Go steady.”
This is it.
This is everything I’ve ever wanted from him and as frightening as it is to give him the power to hurt me again, I know if I’m the one to turn this away this time I will never be able to move on. I’ll always be stuck living with doubts, wondering what my life would have been like. There’s a reason that, for ten years, I have always held on to the hope that one day I would have another chance with the only man I’ve ever loved.
I have to try.
I have to open myself up and knock down the walls I had built to protect myself from feeling pain again because if this truly does pay off, I know with the same certainty that the sun will rise in the east and set in the west and that what we will have together will be the most beautiful kind of love that ever did exist.
“Oh—oh.” I clear my throat. “Okay, Maverick,” I whisper softly.
He’s quiet for so long that I have to wonder if he even heard me, but then I see his throat working and the emotions flying behind his eyes.
“Okay, darlin’,” he finally says, and without warning, takes my mouth in a kiss meant to brand my soul. Deeply he takes my mouth, his tongue moving slowly against mine in a hypnotizing dance. When he pulls back, I struggle to open my eyes. Both of us are breathing heavily.
“I’m askin’ this, prayin’ you tell me to stay, but know I’ll respect whatever you want, Leigh. This is the beginning of us and I don’t want to rush you. I’ve got all the time in the world to feel myself inside your body, but tonight I really just need to be near you. Do you want to be alone tonight? You have my word, if you let me stay, I will be a complete gentleman. I just need to know this is real and you’re really here, willing to give me another chance, Leigh.”
“Stay,” I tell him without hesitation, and my heart that was already thundering from his kiss further picks up speed. He nods, his dazzling smile reaching all the way to his eyes, something I haven’t seen in a long, long time. He gives me a small, brief kiss before releasing his hold on me to look around the room. He grabs the remote from the table before sitting back on the couch. Earl gives him a one-eyed glance before going back to sleep. He gives the cat one long stroke before holding his hand out for me. I shuffle my feet forward and lift one very unsteady hand to his. His lips twitch, but that smile doesn’t dim in the least, before he just pulls me silently down to the couch. I curl into his side, resting my head against his chest. His arm wraps around me and pulls me even tighter against him.
It feels like heaven.
That was the last thing I thought before a peace unlike anything I had ever felt washes over me and I fall asleep in his arms, the loneliness that had been dragging me down for so long lifting with each beat of his heart under my ear.
18
MAVERICK
“Good-bye, Earl” by Dixie Chicks
I’m afraid to move.
I’ve been awake for a handful of hours, but fuck if I’m going to move an inch and ruin this moment. She might have agreed to move forward and see what comes of it, but I know that acceptance comes on shaky grounds.
I’ve spent the past two weeks or so racking my mind, trying to think of how I can prove to not only my family, but Leigh as well, that I’m not going anywhere. To find a way to make Pine Oak the home I never thought it could be. I know now, with Leighton in my arms, that “home” won’t be hard to find anymore.
Quinn says everything I’ve done since returning screams temporary, and honestly, now that I’m forced to really take a good look at things, she’s right. I might have been thinking about how to make my own way here, but I’ve been doing it while keeping my guard up.