“You’re asking a lot, Maverick. You’re asking me to forget the past, everything that happened, and take a giant leap of faith. I want to, I do, but—”
“Baby,” he starts, looking into my eyes. My heart picks up speed at the endearment he’s never used with me. “All I’m askin’ is that you give me a chance. Give us a chance. It wasn’t our time back then, but we wouldn’t be back together like this if it wasn’t meant to be now. I can’t promise that it will be an easy ride, but stick with me and I’ll show you that I’m pretty damn good at holdin’ on for the long haul.”
“What happens when it’s time for you to leave again?” Just thinking of him taking off makes my heart clench in despair.
“Leighton, I’m not goin’ anywhere.”
“You say that now, Mav. Can you honestly say that the urge isn’t there? After everything you’ve just told me, I wouldn’t blame you if it was. Plus, ridin’ is in your blood. You can’t just give that up.”
His eyes flash. “Darlin’, my last ride was almost two months ago. Too many blows to my head over the years and doctors said I wasn’t fit to ride anymore. Even if that wasn’t the case, I wouldn’t be able to leave you behind. I’ve had one night with you and I have a feelin’ that even forever will never be enough. I’ve had a lot of time to think about what comes next. Tryin’ to find a new direction in my life now that ridin’ is no longer an option. It didn’t matter which direction I could think of goin’, you were always right there with me.”
Is he sticking around because he has nothing left to chase? Does he really want to be here, or is this just a fallback plan now that Buford is gone? My mind races as I try to analyze his words, looking for a hidden meaning. He’s telling me everything I’ve ever wanted to hear, but it feels like it’s too good to be true.
Maverick’s eyes crinkle as he runs his fingers over the crease between my eyebrows, the one I get whenever something is troubling me. “Stop thinkin’ whatever it is that’s goin’ through your pretty little head, Leighton.”
“Why are you staying? Can you tell me that you would have come back had Buford not died?”
He lets out a sigh, his breath fanning against my face. “I was lost, Leigh. I had just been told I could no longer have the only thing I was livin’ for anymore. I kept myself angry and drunk, not thinkin’ about anythin’ because I didn’t allow myself to get sober enough to think. Would I have come back without his death? Honestly? Not as soon as I did, but I would have come back. I made sure the life I had been livin’ was so full of trainin’ and ridin’ that I didn’t give myself time to think about anythin’ other than the competition. I wouldn’t let myself think about what I was missin’ out on. But once the ridin’ was gone, and once I crawled out of that bottle I had been swimmin’ in, well, darlin’, the only thing I had left was to look at the regrets I wished I could take back. So it might have taken me a little while, but I still would have realized that what was missin’ was you.”
He’s telling me everything I want to hear. Things I would have given into just like that, with no thought, years ago, but a decade of pain has the doubt still lingering.
“We don’t even know each other anymore.” He smirks devilishly, and memories of our one night together flood my mind, making my cheeks heat. “Don’t say it. Don’t you dare. I’ll amend that. We don’t know each other well enough anymore to even know if we’re compatible.” That smirk turns up a notch, his perfectly straight white teeth flashing at me. “Jesus Christ,” I grumble. “We don’t know each other as the adults we’ve become is what I’m tryin’ to say, Maverick Austin Davis, get your head out of the gutter. We can’t make a decision this big based on the fact that we’re combustible between the sheets.”
“Best I remember there weren’t any sheets involved.”
I lift my hand and slap him lightly against his pec. He laughs. A carefree expression takes over his face that I haven’t seen since we were younger. Long before the innocence of a child’s mind vanished and reality took hold.
“You didn’t even know who I was when you got back in town,” I whisper. I can’t help the sadness I still feel over that. I might have brushed it off with Quinn, but deep down that hurt more than I care to admit. I would have recognized him in a dark room, and the fact that he couldn’t do the same, even after all he just admitted, hurts.
I watch his eyes work. Their hold on me paired with having him this close almost make me forget what I just said. He struggles with his words, I can tell because his mouth parts a few times before closing, as though he’s working out what to say. His brow furrows, his lips thin, and he swallows thickly, all the while just looking into my eyes.
“You have to understand, Leighton, when I tell you I was in a bad place . . .” He trails off, his hold on the hand between our bodies tightening almost painfully. His eyes continue to search mine. “I was blinded by that. I had so much anger burnin’ inside me. Not just about being called back for his funeral, but also because I had been strugglin’ for a long damn time drunk, angry, and a whole lot scared. I didn’t know what was comin’ next, and for someone that always knew what he was doin’, flyin’ off the handle filled me with fear. Too many emotions fightin’ for the top spot inside me and I couldn’t see a damn thing past that. Like I said, it blinded me. I’ve got no other excuse for that, darlin’, but I can tell you now—had I been in my right mind, no damn way I would have been able to step into a room and not realize who was standin’ right in front of me.”
My lips pinch, and I have to fight myself not to fly off with a smart-ass comment. I almost win. Almost. “Yeah, well . . . I don’t exactly have the same little boy body that I did when you saw me last, so I guess it makes sense that it was easy to forget me when that was the last memory you had.”
Anger flashes bright across his face, and his nostrils flare. “I told you I’m sorry and I regret what I did to you back then. I explained to you why I hid my true feelings for you behind those harsh lies, but if you are going to keep holdin’ that between us, we’re gonna get bucked off before we can even climb in the saddle.” His tone is low but lethal.
“I’m sorry,” I hush, looking down in shame.
“Don’t be sorry, Leigh. You’re allowed to be mad still. I haven’t proven to you that I can be trusted in what I’m sayin’, but I mean it—if you can’t find a way to let it go, we don’t stand a chance.”