“I love you.” I say it straight into his eyes and the words warm up my whole body.
We lean in and our lips meet. We kiss, just kiss, for what feels like forever. My toes dig into the sand as my ankles graze and rub into his. The same kind of fire that I felt last weekend ignites. Like the first crackles of a bonfire, it’s a slow burn with hot ashes prickling my skin. It feels hot and then sometimes it flies away leaving its mark, the tingles burning into my pores. I want to do everything to make this feeling go away and everything to make him want me even more. The slightly cool air turns tepid. The sand beneath my back molds to my body. And then we’re hands all over, under and in, bodies moving, seams brushing, gripping, jeans unsnapping.
“Do you want to?” I say on a heavy exhale.
Sean looks down at me, leans to his side, and rests on his elbow and hip. “I do, but, um … I don’t have anything—a condom.” His breath is heavy, his eyes burn. “I have one in my wallet in the house. We can run back.”
I finish pulling off my jeans and reach into my front pocket. Then, I hold up the little plastic square, feeling a pang of nervousness, embarrassment, and empowerment—somehow all at once.
“Are you sure?” he says, closing his hand over mine.
I close my eyes, inhaling the moon’s reflection on the lake. “Yes, I’m sure.”
TWENTY-FIVE
Breeeeeeakfast in ten minutes, courtesy of Molly!” Kallie pounds on the bedroom door. I hop up, rushing into the bathroom, leaving Sean rubbing his eyes. Sean and I. Me and Sean. My reflection stares back from the streak-free mirror of the Vates’ guest bathroom. So this is what non-virgins look like, huh? I feel a little different. Maybe vulnerable, awkward and for sure a little sore, but my face looks the same. My mouth tastes terrible so I brush my teeth and do a double rinse with mouthwash. Just because he said “I love you” last night doesn’t mean I’m going to chill in bed with morning breath like they do in the movies. I rake my hair into a loose ponytail and wipe the mascara smear from under my right eye.
“I’ll be downstairs.” I kiss Sean on the corner of his mouth, then back out of the door as he smiles and pulls the covers over his head.
“We’ll be down in a minute,” yells Kallie as I head downstairs toward the sound and smell of sizzling bacon.
“Good morning Sunshine!” Molly says with her pink glossy smile and a spatula. Not a trace of puke in her hair or the corners of her mouth.
I smile back. “How is it that the last time you got sick, I’m the one who woke up looking and smelling like puke? Last night you drink, throw up, and all of a sudden you’re downstairs making breakfast looking like a hot Martha Stewart Barbie. It’s just wrong.”
“You’re so funny. And please, look at you. You look great and you don’t even have to try. I had to take a shower, blow-dry my hair, and put on makeup. You waltz down here in your sweats and a ponytail looking like—like hot morning-after Barbie. Soooooo?” Molly turns off the burner, and leans over the breakfast bar at me. “Spill the beans. Did you or didn’t you?”
“Oh please,” I say. “I’m boring. I want to hear about you. What happened with Justin?”
Molly scans the empty kitchen, then leans in and whispers, “We didn’t. Can you believe that? We ended up talking too much. He thinks I’m still hung up on Todd. The more we talked, the more I realized that he’s actually the kind of guy I’d want to date. So, now I’m confused.”
“Justin Conner. Who knew?”
“I know, right? Do you think he likes me?”
“Molly. Who wouldn’t?”
“Okay, here’s an even bigger question? Do you think Jane would kill me if I asked her to switch Prom dates? I’d rather go with Justin.”
“Oh, wow.”
“I know.” Molly’s face crumples like paper. “She’s extra edgy lately. You never know with her.”
“She’s tricky, that’s for sure. But what about Brian, he’d care, wouldn’t he?”
“Oh please. He’s just going to take pictures, see if he gets Prom King, and he’ll be out. Dances aren’t his thing.”
“Well, if you really like Justin, it’s worth a shot. Ask him and maybe he can break the news to Jane.”
“Jane’s my best friend. It has to come from me. We tell each other everything.”
Yeah, sure, everything. Ask Todd or Maisey about that one.
“Well,” I shrug. “Let me know how it goes.”
“So, back to you, Brittany-Bree. Do you think you’ll wait until Prom night to finally do it? He really likes you, you know.” Molly brings her voice back to a whisper. “I think you should go for it. I can tell he’s so into you because when him and Jane had sex they never even hung out or anything after that …”
Molly’s voice keeps chirping but I can’t hear her. My heart is lodged in my throat. And I want to throw up. Throw up all over everything she just said. But I don’t. I swallow really fucking hard and try to push it all down, down, down.