I smack his knee next to my leg and then rest my hand on it. “Middle school was full of bad choices. But enough about me. Your turn. Two points. C’mon, ’fess up.”
“Two? No problem.” Sean says. “I’ve liked you since the beginning of the semester. I’d watch you walk into class every day and hate that you’d sit behind me because I couldn’t see you unless I turned around to talk to Conner.”
“Really?” My stomach flutters and I’m relieved he can’t see how huge my smile is. “That’s really cute. That was a good one.” It feels like my veins are getting tingly. I take two sips.
“Two back at you, Hughes.”
“Weeeeell, I have had a crush on you since the beginning of the semester. And the reason I sit behind you is so I can look at you without you watching me.” I take a deep breath and exhale the rest of my sentence in a rush. “Your ears drive me crazy. Drink up.” I pass him the bottle.
“Hey, that was easy. You can’t steal my secrets.” I hear the wine slosh. “Tastes like victory.”
“Hey, it’s not if you win or lose, it’s, it’s …” I giggle. “Sssshhhhh. Don’t make me laugh. Trust me, if Kyle finds me in the closet, with booze and a boy … ”
“Yeah, we better keep it down. When’s he gonna leave?”
Buzzzz. KALLIE VATE.
I raise my phone so we can read Kallie’s text: OMG. I think he’s leaving soon. I’m getting WORLD’S LONGEST LECTURE are you still OK?
I turn my phone so I can text her back: Yes Seans here so I’m cool Hopefully I wont hv to pee anytime soon
Shwoop.
“Three points,” I say. “I want a three point secret. Give me the goods or drink up.”
“Okay, I guess halftime’s over, game on. Hmmmm.” Sean pauses. “I don’t know.”
“You’re gonna have to drink, then.”
“No, wait. I got one,” he says. He passes the bottle back and I rest it in my lap. “Last night I called my aunt’s house to talk to my dad. That’s it. Three drinks for you.”
“God, really? Um, that’s heavy.” I take one sip. “I’m only taking one drink until you tell me what happened.”
“I almost called you after but didn’t want to be a buzzkill.”
“Sean, please. I want to know what’s going on with you, good or bad. I wish you would’ve called. What’d he say?”
Sean takes the bottle, gulps, and hands it back. This time I don’t sip; I take two big gulps that swim hot fire down my throat.
“He didn’t say much. He sounded high. Or maybe not, who knows? Either way, it was 6:30 p.m. and he said he was taking a nap. Who takes a nap at night? Said he hopes to have his car fixed in time for graduation. It was … I don’t know. I don’t know what I was expecting. I told him I had another call and then hung up.”
“Oh you hung up, huh?” I hmph. “Not to change the subject but here’s a secret of mine. Probably a one point five pointer drink. I hate when you just hang up. You never say good-bye.”
“To you?” Sean asks. “What? Really?”
“Yeah, to me. I say bye or it’s time to get off the phone and you just hang up. Like click, no good-bye, no see ya later, no adios.”
“Oh, weird. Sorry. I’ll work on that.”
“Yeah, you should.” I hand him the bottle. “I’m really sorry about your dad. You really could’ve called me. That sucks.”
“Oh well. Like my dad used to say, life sucks and then you die.”
Maisey’s face flashes into my head. I blink a few times until she disappears, then say, “Or life sucks, so you die. Like Maisey Morgan.”
“Geez Breeze, way to make a depressing conversation even more depressing. Let’s both take a drink for Maisey. I’d pour a little onto the carpet but Kallie’s mom would shit, right?”
“She really would,” I say, muffling the laugh trying to escape my mouth. Lifting the bottle to my lips, I swallow the laugh and take another sip of wine. I snort and alcohol burns my nostrils. Once the laugh escapes, I can’t stop. I wipe my mouth on a cushy down coat then bury my face in Sean’s shirt. He’s laughing too.
“Mmmm. You smell so good.” Our laughter fades and I raise my chin until Sean’s nose brushes the side of my cheek. “I can’t get that stuff out of my head, you know.”
“What stuff? My smell?”
“No, the Maisey stuff.”
“Why? That’s creepy, the ghost of Maisey Morgan.” He exhales a soft, but drawn-out sigh. “Suicide is such a …”
“Cop out, a sin, a loser move?” I ask.
“No,” Sean answers. “I was going to say something like an enigma. I don’t get it, I guess. It’s hard to understand. When it gets that bad, so bad you want to die, that’s your crunch time, that’s when you’re supposed to look that shit in the eye, and just take it. You wait it out or run. You wait because it’ll get better at some point, it always does. Or, you can run ahead and find ways to make it not so bad. But you don’t bail. Suicide’s not supposed to be an option.”