As he picked up the phone, his hand started to shake. In his head, he began scrolling through a list of alternative solutions. There weren’t any. Closing his eyes, he pleaded with himself not to do this. He knew he had no choice, though.
Scrolling through his contacts, he looked for Jessie’s name. Pressing the button to connect the call, he slowly brought the phone to his ear. His breath increased, and his nerves spiked as he waited for her to pick up.
“Hello?” a groggy voice muttered. It was thick with sleep…or emotion.
“Hey,” Kai said. “Did I wake you?”
Bringing his knees up in bed, he slung his free arm around them. He could hear Jessie wrestle around too as she sighed in his ear. “No…I couldn’t sleep.”
Kai looked down. “Me either.”
A few awkward moments of silence passed as Kai worked up the will to say what he had to say. At the same time that he heard Jessie start to say, “About yesterday…” he blurted out, “I broke it off with April.” Biting his lip, he wondered why he couldn’t just come out and tell her what he’d decided.
Another span of silence passed as Jessie absorbed what he’d said. “Oh. You didn’t have to…” Her voice thickened as it trailed off.
Kai sighed. “Yeah, I did.” Running a hand through his hair, he wished he could stop his heart from hammering so hard. “I couldn’t let her keep thinking that our relationship was going anywhere. And I don’t feel for her what I feel for…”
He let his sentence die. Admitting his feelings for Jessie now, wouldn’t help with what he had to say later. Clearing his throat, he quickly added, “I never should have let it go on for as long as it did. Stringing her along like that…it wasn’t fair to her.”
Picking at a loose strand of fabric in the sheets, he waited for Jessie to respond. When she did, her voice was subdued. “Yeah, you’re right. I shouldn’t have asked you to keep seeing her. I just…I wasn’t considering her feelings in all of this, I guess.”
She let out such a sad sigh that Kai had the sudden urge to drive over there, run his hand through her hair, cup her cheek, and whisper that everything would be okay, but it wouldn’t be. Not after what he was about to do. In a whisper, he started the process. “Jessie…about us…”
Kai’s voice cracked and he found he couldn’t speak. He swallowed several times to try and remove the blockage, and in the silence, Jessie spoke. “I know, Kai. I know. It was wrong, and I shouldn’t have said what I said. I know we can’t…do that, and I’ll try harder to not be so jealous or possessive of you. It just hurt so much to see you with April, but I know you’re going to be with someone, and I promise I won’t—”
Wishing he could just agree with her, Kai cut her off. “We can’t see each other anymore, Jessie.”
Silence filled the line again. A horrible, aching silence that made Kai’s pounding heart sound like a gong, filling the room with an ominous, heavy beat. When she still didn’t respond, he whispered, “Jessie?”
He heard her choke, then sputter. In a tightly controlled, warbling voice, she asked, “What do you mean? We can’t be alone anymore…or we can’t…”
Kai felt his eyes get heavy with building tears. His own voice cracking under the strain, he somehow managed to say, “We can’t see each other again. Ever.”
Jessie gasped, then muttered, “But…but no…Kai?”
Kai’s heart split in half, and he felt the pain of the break slice through every part of him. He didn’t think he would ever be the same person again after this. Everything he had been before was gone. Everything was different. Jessie was a highlight in his life. Without her in it…Kai almost didn’t see the point. He swallowed, and the tears finally dropped to his cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Jessie. You don’t know how much this kills me, but you and I cannot be together, and we’re heading that way. Can’t you feel it?”
He waited for her to acknowledge it. For her to admit to herself that the path they were on was going to end up with them in such a twisted, ethically and morally wrong relationship that it made him feel ill to the core. After a long stillness, she finally whispered, “Yes.”
Kai exhaled with relief. At least she understood. “We have to stay apart. We have to go back to when you had your life, and I had my life, and they didn’t intertwine.”
She exhaled brokenly. “But, Kai…we’re family. Family doesn’t abandon each other.”
Again, Kai wanted to reach out and stroke her, lovingly run a finger down her cheek. “We’ll still be family, Jessie. We will always be that, and we won’t abandon each other. If you need me, if you absolutely need me…I’m there, no questions asked. But Jessie, we need to let this die, before we can truly be…just cousins.”
Kai heard Jessie start to break down. As she started to cry, his tears started falling freely too. “I’m so sorry,” he repeated.