Through her broken sobs, he heard her say, “I’m going to miss you, so much. I don’t know how I’m going to…” Her voice trailed off as waves of anguish took her over.
Kai clenched the sheets in his hand. He didn’t want to hurt her. He didn’t want to make her cry. He didn’t want to cry. He wanted to tell her that he was wrong—that they shouldn’t be apart. He wanted to rush to her place, sweep her in his arms, and kiss away her tears. He wanted to lay her down and make her feel the warmth and love between them. He wanted to make love to her. And that was exactly why he had to do this.
“I’m going to miss you too, Jessie. You’re so important to me. You’re…everything to me.”
Biting his cheek, he stopped himself from pouring any more of his heart out to her. It would only hurt them both if they started confessing their feelings for each other now. And while Kai was certain Jessie cared deeply for him, he was 100 percent certain he was in love with her. Breaking it off with April had helped him to see it. He loved Jessie, in all the ways he shouldn’t.
Her sobs easing, she timidly asked, “Can we still talk? Can I call you?”
Kai thought of having these heart wrenching phone calls every day; he didn’t think he could do it. “Jessie…” he pleaded, not wanting to have to say it. A clean break was best. A clean break healed quicker.
Jessie sniffled. “Right…that probably wouldn’t help anything.”
Another long silence filled the line, as both their hearts silently broke apart. Feeling the knot of turmoil in his stomach tightening, Kai knew it was time. Time to end the call, to forever end his connection with the only woman he wanted in his life. His voice breaking, he softly told her, “I wish you only happiness, Jessie.”
He couldn’t imagine his life without her in it.
“Kai…”
Steeling himself, he closed his eyes and pictured her one last time—her smile, her beautiful face framed in dark, curly locks, the sound of her voice when she said his name. She was the one person on this earth that Kai would have liked to experience everything with. He couldn’t think of anyone else that he’d rather have on this twisted, rollercoaster of a ride called life.
He ended their relationship with, “You’re my best friend, Jessie. I love you.” Then he disconnected the call and tossed his phone away from him.
It was astounding to Jessie how so much could change in her life, while at the same time, nothing changed. She went to work, rubbing out the kinks in Mr. Tinley’s lower back. She went to the movies with Harmony and April; still peeved about Jessie’s heated comments to her, April always sat as far from Jessie as possible. She checked on her grandmother, who was completely healed and feisty as ever. She even repeatedly shot down Gram’s attempts to set her up with “nice” boys.
All of that was routine for Jessie. The only thing that wasn’t routine, the only thing that had changed completely for her in the past three weeks, three achingly long weeks, was the fact that her cousin had all but vanished. She hadn’t seen or heard from him since their last painful conversation on the phone.
She knew he was still around. Grams constantly talked about him, and asked if he was happy. From all Jessie could gather, Kai didn’t appear to be doing very well. Grams was convinced that he was miserable because of his work, that his boss was an ass who was bringing him down. On more than one occasion, she told Jessie that Kai should just go home and work with his parents. Grams felt he belonged there, but the thought of him leaving the state made Jessie want to curl into a fetal position.
Even though she and Kai didn’t speak, it was comforting to know they were staring at the same starry sky and breathing in the same chilly air. She couldn’t stomach the thought of him being so far away that time was actually pushed back four hours.
The idea of him leaving made her feel worse than when she replayed their last horrible conversation—and that made her feel awful. It was quite possibly the worst moment in her life so far. Already on edge from a sleepless night and the memory of crossing a line that shouldn’t ever be crossed, Jessie had been a wreck when he’d called her. And hearing him speak the words that had changed their relationship forever had shattered her heart into a thousand pieces: “We can’t see each other again. Ever.”
Jessie was certain those were the worst words ever created in the English language. But then Kai had used words that were even worse. Worse, because they were so wonderful: “You’re so important to me. You’re everything to me. You’re my best friend.”