Hayes wasn’t coming back.
Then, suddenly, the weight lifted and I ran. If Hayes wasn’t there, then I wasn’t supposed to be there either. At least, that was the logic that had me sprinting out of my last period class, leaving everything behind.
I ran all the way home, stopping for nothing. The adrenaline pumping through my system was enough stamina to keep me going, even when the rain set in halfway there. I came up on my house, but I still didn’t stop. I kept running until I saw Hayes’s house, and when I turned that final corner, my eyes landed on Hayes himself.
Loading boxes.
Into a moving van.
That image alone stopped me in my tracks.
He didn’t see me right away and continued to load a few more boxes. I was standing just down the street in front of his neighbor’s house, watching. Finally, he came out of the truck, down the ramp, turned to walk into his garage, and spotted me. We stood there for a few heavy seconds, staring at each other through the rain, before he started toward me.
“Kenz,” he said as he neared me. “I’m glad you’re here. I’ve been meaning to call you.”
I wanted to tell him I’d had my phone in my hands for three days waiting to hear from him, to tell him that he should have called, that I’d been worried sick about him, but I didn’t. “How’s your mom?”
“They released her Saturday, and we’re just trying to move forward. She’ll be fine, eventually.”
We were both quiet for a moment, neither one of us seeming to notice the rain falling heavily down on us. Finally, I had to speak. “What’s with the moving van?”
Hayes turned to look back at his driveway, as if he’d forgotten there was a U-Haul there, forgotten he’d just been inside of it. When he turned back to me his face was pained and he looked as though the words bubbling up in his throat were hurting him.
“My mom wants to sell the house. We’re going to hire movers to come and pack up most of the stuff. I’m just loading the things she wants to take with us.”
“Take with you?”
“Yeah, McKenzie. Shit,” he said roughly, dragging his hand through his now soaking wet hair. “My mom needs to really focus on getting better. She needs to see a psychiatrist regularly, and she needs more care than I can give her here. So we talked it over and decided it would be best for her to be near her parents in Montana.”
“Your mom is selling her house and moving to Montana?” There were so many things about that sentence that seemed impossible to me. The idea that the Wallaces wouldn’t be just down the street, that some other family would be living in their house, it made the world feel a little colder and unfamiliar, like I’d jumped dimensions or something.
“Kenz,” he said, the tone of his voice now apologetic, “we’re both moving to Montana.”
The earth might as well have opened up and swallowed me whole. Everything that kept me alive stopped working. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think, my heart felt like a broken engine, refusing to do its job, churning and breaking and crumbling all at once.
“Kenz,” he said again, this time stepping toward me. I stepped back and he stopped, his head dropping, his gaze falling to the ground.
“Mr. White said you weren’t teaching anymore. I ran here to see if you were all right. If your mom was all right.” I stopped, the words stacking up in my throat, jammed behind the huge lump forming there, with rain now soaking through my clothes. “You’re leaving?” I tried not to cry, but it was the only way the words could come out, strapped to sobs. “For how long? You’ll come back when your mom’s better?”
It took a moment before he raised his gaze to meet mine, but he said no words.
“You’re not coming back?” What world was I living in? This couldn’t be reality. Not my reality. “Hayes, if you need to go with your mom to make sure she’s okay, go. I want your mom to be all right too. But that doesn’t mean we have to be over. You’re acting like this is the end for us.”
“It has to be.”
My mouth fell open. Tears escaped both my eyes, mixing with the rain already streaming down my face, and my feet took me backward, away from the dagger-like words he’d thrown at me.
“Kenz, listen—”
“Listen to what? Listen to you tell me that you’re leaving and we’re over? Just days ago we were planning the next year of our life together, and now you’re just ending it?”
“My mom—”
“Is sick, I know. I love your mom, and I want her to be happy and well. And I love that you want to be there for her. I’d never hold that against you. But I don’t understand how this all means we can’t be together.” My words were frantic and tripping out of my mouth almost on top of each other. The words couldn’t keep up with my thoughts and all I was thinking was why why why.