“You’ve had a rough night,” the nurse answered as she studied the monitor, the cuff inflating with air. “The doctor will be in soon and he’ll explain everything.”
My mother was either satisfied with her answer, or didn’t have the energy to ask more forcibly. Her head fell to the side, seeming to relax into the bed, accepting whatever was happening and that she was not in control of it.
“Everything looks good here, Mrs. Wallace. The doctor should be here very soon to talk to you.”
“Thank you,” I said as the nurse moved toward the door. She gave me a sad smile and then left us alone again.
“I’m so tired, Hayes,” Mom said, her eyes closing.
“I know, Mom. I know.”
It was ten minutes later when the door opened again. A man walked in who looked exactly how I would picture a doctor. Tall, glasses, white lab coat, stethoscope around his neck, pens in his front pocket. With him was a woman who looked professional, but didn’t have the automatic designation of a medical professional. She smiled warmly at my mother while the man walked straight for the machines she was hooked up to.
“Mrs. Wallace, we’re glad to see you awake and alert. My name is Dr. Stevens, I’m the attending on the floor today. This is Dr. Andrews,” he said, motioning to the woman standing next to him. “She’s the resident psychiatrist.” They both nodded at my mother, obviously not able to shake her hand, but they did reach out to me.
“I’m Hayes, her son.”
“It’s good that you have some support here,” Dr. Stephens said. “Let’s talk a little bit about why you’re here, shall we?” My mother nodded and he continued, using the mouse and keyboard to bring up my mother’s information on the screen. “You were brought in last night by ambulance, unresponsive, with low vitals. Someone at the scene said they’d found you with an open pill bottle and called for help. Upon arrival you were intubated, your stomach was pumped, and we administered intravenous drugs to counteract the pills you’d ingested. The pill bottle was provided by whomever was with you at the time.”
“Luce,” my mother whimpered, tears forming in her eyes. One slid down her cheek and I reached up wiping it away for her.
“How are you feeling now, Mrs. Wallace?” This was from Dr. Andrews.
“Please, call me Chelsea.” She took in a deep breath and then let it out. “Honestly, I’m really embarrassed. And tired. And sad.” Her voice cracked on the last word, and the next sentence was taken over by sobs. “I’m really, really sad.”
Dr. Andrews reached her hand out and ran it slowly along my mother’s shin, saying, “In order for us to figure out what’s best for you, both physically and mentally, we’re going to have to have a tough conversation, Chelsea. But I want to assure you, whatever you’re feeling, however you got here, it’s okay. You’re going to have to be really honest, though. Both with Dr. Stevens, and with myself. Do you think you can do that?” Mom nodded. “That’s great.” Her eyes darted to me. “As a rule, I require this first conversation to be handled privately.”
“I’m not going anywhere. That’s how we got in this mess.”
“Hayes,” my mother’s weak voice rasped. “This isn’t your fault. Not even a little bit. And honestly, the last thing I want is for you to hear all this.” Another tear slipped down her face, but before I could wipe it away she used her shoulder to awkwardly dry the stray tear. “I’ll be okay.”
I studied her, tried to make sure she meant what she said, that she wasn’t just telling me what she thought I wanted to hear.
“I’m just going to go to the cafeteria to get some coffee. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” She nodded as I stood, and I watched her try to be outwardly strong, as if she was just holding on until I left the room, waiting to have some sort of breakdown as soon as I was out of earshot. I leaned down, pressing a kiss against her forehead. When I stood back up she turned her face away, and I took that as my cue to leave.
I walked down the hall, having no idea where exactly I was headed, and passed a waiting room. Mrs. Harris was sitting on one end of an uncomfortable-looking couch, and McKenzie was lying down, her head resting on her mother’s lap. Both of them looked to be asleep.
“Shit,” I whispered, angry with myself for not even thinking about the fact that of course they’d be waiting all night for an update. I turned toward them and Mrs. Harris must not have been completely asleep because her eyes popped open at the sound of my footsteps and she immediately shook McKenzie’s shoulder until she lifted her head.
When McKenzie’s eyes met mine she jumped up from the couch and ran right into my arms. I didn’t waste any time wrapping around her and burying my face in her hair. She smelled like home. Everything about her made me feel whole, especially the way she fit perfectly inside my arms.
She pulled away and linked both of her hands with mine, looking up at me expectantly.
“I’m really sorry I didn’t come out here and update you guys. It was kind of a strange and overwhelming night.”