Jake’s brows drew down. “What do you mean?”
“No matter what we do, we’re going to be wrapped around Maya’s finger. And frankly, I’m okay with that.” He moved close enough that he could feel the warmth of Jake’s breath. He reached around him and cupped the back of Jake’s neck.
Jake let out a breath. “Yeah, I’m okay with that, too. But we need to find her, need to make sure we tell her what we feel. Because we fucked up when we didn’t say anything.”
Border squeezed, and Jake’s body shivered. “She didn’t give us much time to come up with anything to say, but yeah, we fucked up.” He leaned forward, his face so close he could feel Jake’s breath on his lips.
“What are we going to do about it?” Jake asked, his voice breathy.
In answer, he crushed his lips to Jake’s, giving him everything he could. His brain couldn’t function. He couldn’t think. He and Jake were going to be fucking fathers, and yet all he could do was focus on Jake right then. Jake needed him. Needed to remember who he was. Hell, Border needed that, too.
Jake’s tongue slid against his and Border deepened the kiss, needing control, knowing Jake needed much of the same. Their breaths came in pants as their mouths clashed.
This was his future, his past, his present. And yet, without Maya, it wasn’t everything.
Jake pulled away abruptly, his hand going over his face as his chest heaved. “Holy hell, what was that?”
Border swiped his thumb over his lips and stared at the other man. “It’s exactly what you think it was. We were stressed, needing each other, so I took care of it.” His body ached, but that wasn’t what this was about. This was about Jake letting go, figuring out what he needed.
“Maya’s out there, alone, pregnant, and in pain, and I just let you kiss me like that. What kind of man does that make me? What kind of man does that make you?” Jake spat.
Border stiffened, though he did his best to keep his face emotionless. “I would think that makes us men who love each other, who just decided we’re going to have a future together. The two of us and the woman carrying our child. So, yeah, I thought it would be okay if we kissed like that because you needed it. Because I thought we needed to be closer to one another. I’m sorry if I was mistaken.”
Hurt slashed over Jake’s face, and Border wanted to kick himself. Hell, after all his talk about Jake, he knew he was just as guilty about fucking up with emotions and figuring out how to tell someone what he needed, what he craved.
“Border,” Jake hissed. “Fuck. We’re having a kid. Can you believe that? She’s not here, and yet we’re having a child. How the hell are we going to do that? I’m so fucking lost right now, and yet I can’t be here with you. Doing this. We need to be with her.”
“Then let’s go,” Border bit out. Why was he acting this way? He needed to get his head on straight and find Maya because this wasn’t working.
“We need to be with her,” Jake repeated. “And what are we doing right now? We’re fucking around.”
Border reached out and gripped Jake’s forearm as the other man pushed past him. “That wasn’t fucking around and you know it.”
“I don’t know anything,” Jake yelled back. “I don’t know where she is. I don’t know what she feels. And hell, she doesn’t know what we feel either. We let her go off alone because we were scared, and I don’t know how to fix that. But making out with you isn’t helping.”
Border let Jake’s arm go and took a step back. “I see.” And maybe he did.
Jake closed his eyes and let out a breath before opening them again. “No, you don’t. We’re all high on emotions and baggage right now, and we’re saying shit that keeps hurting us even though it shouldn’t. I love you, Border, got that? But I love Maya, too, and I need her to be with us. So I’m going to find her because it’s dangerous for her right now to be out alone going through this shit. But I’m not leaving you. I’m just going to her.”
Border nodded, his mind finally starting to navigate the labyrinth that was his thoughts and emotions.
“I…I just have to go,” Jake added and stormed out of the house, taking his keys with him.
Border cursed and looked down at his clenched hands. They weren’t handling this well at all. Hell, he and Jake were going to be fathers, and they hadn’t even touched on that. Instead, he’d been so caught up in making sure Jake felt he mattered, that he’d skipped some very important steps. He had to quit doing this.
And what had he just done? He’d let Jake go off on his own after Maya.
“Damn it,” he grumped. He threw open the door, determined to catch Jake before he left so it would be the two of them finding her. It needed to be the three of them, always.