“Then tell me what you’re thinking?”
She opened her eyes again, and he couldn’t read the emotion there. “I’m thinking that things are moving too fast and yet not fast enough. You were just with Holly, Jake. Yeah, it’s been a couple of weeks, but that’s not a long time in the grand scheme of things. I know she mentioned me when you two broke up, and I don’t want that to be the reason you’re doing this. I don’t want Border’s words to you to be the reason for this.” Maya paused. “I’m worth more than having other people be the reason someone wants me. It took me a long time to realize that. But I’m worth more.”
Jake shook his head and took a step toward her. When she didn’t move back, he took it as a good sign. “I’ve been thinking about you for longer than that.”
When she looked doubtful, he continued.
“I’m serious,” he said softly. “I’m not proud to admit that I didn’t love Holly. I thought I did, or I thought I could, but I didn’t. I thought she was who I needed to be with in order to move on to the next phase of my life because I couldn’t have who I wanted.” He shook his head. “And that makes me an asshole.”
“It kind of does,” Maya murmured, and Jake snorted. Leave it to Maya to be completely honest about that in a time like this. “You’re saying you wanted me before this?”
Jake nodded. It was all or nothing. Because if he hid who he was, what he wanted, he’d mess everything up. This was Maya, his Maya. He couldn’t afford to be scared and lose her because he couldn’t voice what he felt, or what he’d felt in the past.
“I did,” he said. “I wanted you when I came to Montgomery Ink for the first time and you were with that guy.”
Maya winced. “I knew that, but it was too late then.”
“Is it too late now?” Jake asked, his heart in his throat.
“I don’t know, Jake. We can’t just rush into a change like this.”
“Are we really changing things? Or are we just opening our eyes?” He reached out and touched her cheek. When she didn’t pull away, Jake took that as a win.
She didn’t answer him, and he wasn’t sure she could at the moment.
“We’re still friends, Maya. No matter what happens, we’re friends. We have to be.”
Maya met his gaze, indecision in her eyes. “What about Border? What about the past? Because it’s not just you and me in this. There’s another person who isn’t Holly. I don’t want to stand in the way of you two, but…I don’t know, Jake.”
“I don’t know about Border either. I loved him once, Maya. He’s back, and I don’t know what he wants.” He closed his eyes a moment before studying her face. “I don’t understand how things could be happening all at once. I should have stepped up to you before this, but it never felt like the right time. But now he’s back, and I don’t know what to do. Or maybe, I do, and it scares me because I want you, Maya. I want you in my life, and I don’t know how to keep that and not hurt everyone in the process.”
Maya took a deep breath and seemed to come to a decision. “Then have him, too. Be with him…and maybe be with me, too.”
Jake’s eyes widened. “What?”
She shook her head. “I can’t fuck up what the two of you could have. I could see it, Jake. I’ve always seen it. I don’t want to break that up or stand in the way. But I’ve been thinking, too. It’s not just you who’s noticed things have changed. Even if I wanted to hide my head in the sand, which is totally not like me, I knew things were changing.”
Jake couldn’t breathe, couldn’t quite think. Her presence in his life over the past few months came to him, and he wanted to hit himself for being so careless, so horrible. “You…you’ve been so quiet. So withdrawn. And I didn’t notice.”
Maya gave him a small smile. “You were trying to make something work. And I understood, even if it hurt. That was on me, Jake. Not you. Though at the time, I kind of wanted it to be on you, as well.”
“What does this mean?” Hope dared to fill him, and he tried to ignore it.
“I don’t know exactly. But…I’ve been thinking that maybe, just maybe, you don’t have to choose? This is so weird, but not quite as weird as it should be.”
“What are you saying exactly?”
She met his gaze. “That we should figure this out. The three of us. Or rather, you and him and then you and me. Just the three.”
Jake’s hands shook. “I…I don’t know if Border’s okay with that.” But he did. Border had said as much, hadn’t he? And what had that look Border and Maya shared before meant?
“Like I said, the three. We figure it out, Jake.”