Jake wasn’t ready for this conversation, and they both knew it, but it wasn’t as if Border could back away now.
“I ran for too long, saw some shit I didn’t want to see, did some things I didn’t want to do. Now I want to come home. Because no matter where I went, Denver was always home.” You were always home.
“Is that really the case? Because I have no idea what you were doing the entire time you were gone.”
“And you never asked.” Yeah, it hurt that Jake hadn’t asked. And, apparently, Border was going to be a dick about that.
Jake threw up his hands and scowled. “I’ve been a little busy dealing with my own shit life at the moment, thank you.”
Border shook his head. “Shit life? I don’t see a shit life. I see a man with a fucking fantastic family, a man with a job and a home he loves. I mean, fuck, you can work from home, and I’ve seen your art.” He gestured around the house. “I’ve seen it here, and out and about. You’re talented, and you always have been. Yeah, Holly dumped you, but you told me yourself you were done with her.”
“It’s not that simple!” Jake yelled.
“It never is, but hell, Jake. Make it was it is, not what you think you need it to be. You’re not pissed off because you and Holly aren’t together anymore. You’re pissed you didn’t get to do it. You’re broken up because she’s the one that did it first.”
“Fuck you, Border. You don’t know me. You don’t know what I’m feeling.”
Border leaned forward. “And whose fault is that? Whose fault is it that I don’t know the man you are now?”
“Yours, you fucking asshole. Yours.” Jake straightened. “You’re the one who left. You’re the one that decided I wasn’t good enough. So don’t get all butt hurt over the fact that you don’t know me now.”
He’d stepped into that one for sure. “That’s not what I meant.”
“Yeah, well, it’s what you said. I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t a chick. You didn’t want to really be fucking me, you just wanted to get your rocks off and call it a day. I get it. But don’t act like you did nothing wrong. Don’t act like you have a place in my life now.”
Jake’s chest heaved, and Border wanted to punch his pretty face for saying all the right things even though they were all wrong.
“Oh, shut the fuck up. I didn’t leave because you were a dude. I left because I fell in love with you, you prick. I left because I might have been twenty, but I wasn’t a man yet. My dad would have killed you if he’d found out. You get that, right? He would have killed you because he wasn’t able to kill me, even though he sure as hell tired. If he hadn’t killed himself thanks to the booze, he’d still be trying. I left because I didn’t know who I was without that man trying to beat me down, and that wasn’t a man worthy enough of you. So, yeah, I left. I did it a shit way, and I can’t take that back, but I’m here now, and you can’t seem to face the fact that I am.”
Jake took a step back, his eyes wide. “We were adults, Border. He couldn’t have touched us.”
“You know how he was, so don’t lie to yourself. And, Jake? You never said anything. You never told me what you felt. For all I knew, I was in love with you and you just liked fucking me to make the women we were with hot for us. I. Didn’t. Know.”
Jake paused for so long, Border was afraid he’d fucked up again. “I…I didn’t know either. I’m bisexual, Border. I’m not afraid of the label.”
Border let out a breath and closed his eyes. “I’m bisexual, too. We were young and stupid and didn’t know what we were doing. We’re older now, but I still don’t think we know what we’re doing.”
“I thought I did,” Jake said simply. “I thought I was figuring it out, at least. I had a job, a home, and a girl I thought I could marry.”
“You didn’t love her, Jake, and we both know it. Holly knew it.”
Jake’s jaw clenched. “So she said.”
“She also said something about Maya.” He needed to meet this woman; the one that actually held Jake’s heart and not the one Jake had thought would be good enough. Because there was something there, something Border needed to deal with. There was something in the back of his mind, an idea he couldn’t quite grasp when it came to the three of them, but he needed to figure it out.
“Shut your mouth about Maya. You don’t know her. You don’t understand.”
“You want her, Jake. I can see it when you say her name.”
“She’s my best friend,” Jake bit out.
“And I don’t doubt she is, but you want her.”
Jake growled, “And you’re saying I want you, too? Is that what you’re saying?”
Border tilted his head. “Do you?”
“Fuck you, Border. You can’t come here and change who I am. You can’t just mess everything up.”
“Things seemed to be falling apart already without me.” He was being an asshole, he knew it. But if he didn’t force Jake to face his thoughts and fears, there would be no moving on.
“Fuck. You.”